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Old 04-21-2019, 08:28 PM #1
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Default Trying to relax at a coffee shop

Today I just wanted to get away. So I went to a coffee shop and ordered a vegan sandwich and coffee with almond milk. I began my writing and the words was just flowing and getting some progress.

2 guys sit behind me and bump into my chair, whatever I push the table a foot forward to give them more room. Trying to be nice and move my chair up. Again one of the guys is just messing with his bag getting things and keeps hitting my chair I move It forward again and my chair. 3rd time i turn around and tell them do not hit my chair again while looking in the eyes of the guy doing it then shift to the bigger friend that I meant business and would bash both of their heads on the table. Everyone starts looking at me with fear, wtf I let it go 2 times. Why I'm I the bad guy? Stuff like that is why i hate going places because these normal people are such dicks and inconsiderate of others. Common trait of normal disorder.

Anyone else have to deal with the everyday BS of all these people with normal disorder?
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:25 PM #2
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

Yes. It's awful. People lack normal manners. Normal courtesy. Normal recognition of someone else's space. What to do?

I find myself retreating more and more into my house. I wish I were The Incredible Hulk sometimes. ((((HUGS FRIENDLY JOE))))
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:26 PM #3
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

I am not sure you can call what such people have as "normal disorder" at least to my perspective. I call it "poor upbringing" and "societal norms changing for the worse". Or bullying, though I'm not sure bullying applied to your story. But many see that behavior as the norm, but we can fight it. The more poor behavior is permitted and encouraged the more society rots. I would have done the same thing you did, but after only the second bumping.
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:45 PM #4
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mopey View Post
Yes. It's awful. People lack normal manners. Normal courtesy. Normal recognition of someone else's space. What to do?



I find myself retreating more and more into my house. I wish I were The Incredible Hulk sometimes. ((((HUGS FRIENDLY JOE)))) Trying to relax at a coffee shop
I loved that show as a kid. I even had my mom make me a hulk costume for Halloween, which was fitting for a bipolar kid. I had my manic episodes as a kid and I really was the hulk. Lol

I try to reduce my time around a bunch of people that do not know me. At work I have respect that I need to not hulk out. But public settings not so unless I become a famous and known mob boss which comes with all kinds of other problems.

I see my pych next week so maybe theres something that works like how marijuana does, like a chill effect. But mad and laughing might really scare people off though so I might pass on that. I'd like to be able to deal with public situations outside of work because reading and writing is fun but I want more than that.
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Old 04-21-2019, 10:00 PM #5
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer View Post
I am not sure you can call what such people have as "normal disorder" at least to my perspective. I call it "poor upbringing" and "societal norms changing for the worse". Or bullying, though I'm not sure bullying applied to your story. But many see that behavior as the norm, but we can fight it. The more poor behavior is permitted and encouraged the more society rots. I would have done the same thing you did, but after only the second bumping.
But if you think about it, other situations causes depression, PTSD, and other disorders that's not part of a person entire life. So these type of people which is a very large majority would also fall under that same criteria. It's close enough that if used in a court case it would be warranted. People that are brought up in "normal" setting are basically incapable of change and will not try to be a better person so thus should be a disorder as well.

There's so many different types of personalities out there thats created from their experiences as a child or adult that has made a large impact in their lives. I'm an executive officer at my work and I analyze everything from depts policy procedures to employee behavior and where they're best suited. I have a depression disorder guy and I've placed him where he will do the best and his work productively has shot through the roof. The decision I made made his work life better in which might have also made his personal life better.

Everyone has some type of disorder because no one is perfect and I see flaws in everyone. More so from normal people, their very mean and cruel. The people I volunteere with are a completely different type of personality and are so happy and nice. I feel great around them and I volunteer a lot now lol. I'll start talking with homeless and buy a case of beer and chill. Kindness goes a long way yet its impossible for them to do that. Imagine seeing someone in a nice BMW X5 twin turbo V8 pull over and laugh and joke with all the homeless? Giving them blankets, food, and having drinks? All of them say the same thing, people look at them with disgust and look away. If that's what normal is I'm glad thats not me.

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Old 04-21-2019, 10:21 PM #6
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

I wish you well, Friendly Joe.
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Old 04-22-2019, 12:13 AM #7
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

I was on vacation last week .. I really don’t do well in crowds of 20 - hundreds.

I had a few times a day when I was just around some rude people that were just idiots and just getting into my personal space. I have ptsd so my space always needs protected for me to be okay and functional.

If I were you in that coffee shop I would have likely left after the second rudeness. Or at least move to another table. What I do find more relaxing is coffee shop in a book store , I think the vast majority of people in a book store are just much nicer as to true readers a book shop is a magical happy place.

Sorry that happened to you
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Old 04-22-2019, 01:56 AM #8
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
I was on vacation last week .. I really don’t do well in crowds of 20 - hundreds.

I had a few times a day when I was just around some rude people that were just idiots and just getting into my personal space. I have ptsd so my space always needs protected for me to be okay and functional.

If I were you in that coffee shop I would have likely left after the second rudeness. Or at least move to another table. What I do find more relaxing is coffee shop in a book store , I think the vast majority of people in a book store are just much nicer as to true readers a book shop is a magical happy place.

Sorry that happened to you
I'm going to give it a shot, thanks for your suggestion. I'll let you know how it goes, tomorrow I'll look up book stores. Do libraries count as well?
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:14 AM #9
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

I liked the beginning of what you wrote, but when you generalised from one incident to "normal people are abusive and mean" I don't agree with your thinking. It's same old the "I" versus "Them" rant. Doesn't get anyone anywhere in my opinion.

I think you are entirely correct in that most people go through challenges in their life and can be momentarily aggressive to strangers as a result of that. I know that I've occasionally been super aggressive to public transport employees when the frustration of commuting took me over.

Yes, we can walk away. We can look for situations where people behave in a more human, open manner. We can walk away to protect from our own triggers (I'm a violence survivor also). I don't idealise "peace" because I grew up in an environment where you had to deal with violence. Emotionally however like you I need a certain amount of healthy human behaviours around me in order to relax and learn about myself.

Finding a way to meet my need to be surrounded by health behaviour is more important than ranting and controlling the behaviour of other people. It's about contacting my own healthy behaviours inside, and letting them help me to connect to healthy other people outside.

All people are limited and sometimes nasty in my opinion. It's easier to expect more from others than I can achieve myself but actively meeting my emotional needs gets me a lot further. Note to self: how can I act in an emotionally healthy way in the next hour/ today???? Eeek….. now that is a challenge.

You write well, have you tried joining a writers' group and sometimes writing/ reading your stuff with other people?
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Old 04-22-2019, 12:21 PM #10
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Default Re: Trying to relax at a coffee shop

there is..."micro-aggression." that's pop social sciences speak for: people are rude as hell these days.

i used to think it was all social class...now, i dont think so. status is an issue, but ive seen some mad micro-aggression aimed towards people of higher status, from people of lower status. so...ok...weird (?). not trying to sound elitist, just...snubs and such are more common from upper status to lower status, its just how society (usually) operates. now, its just...free floating micro-aggression. everybody's angry!

ive dealt with rude people at drive thrus, getting coffee. reasonably well dressed, polite, just...wow....ok. along the same line of thought...

i have relatives who live in a small town area, lived there....nearly 30 years. over I'd say 5-10 years, the -feel- of the neighborhood has shifted, and its accelerated since some elderly people passed away and younger people took over what had been their houses (some related, some bought it, not related). gone are the years of people talking on their front porches, neighborly waves, people asking if they can use a little bit of your yard space to garden (it was awesome, btw)...

there's a coldness, a detachment...with a couple of them, some -definite- micro-aggression, bubbling up. i dont...get it. i dont like it, either. :-(
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