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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7 
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Apr 28, 2019 at 05:30 PM
#1
I'm not getting better. Possibly worse. I'm finding I'm thinking about suicide more and more often. I miss people I can't be around for all sorts of reasons but mostly because I'm me and that I'm a mess. I need to get better, or do I? Maybe I could give up, like I said the other day. Maybe I have given up? I want to die so often and the thoughts get worse and rarely lift even a little. I'm in one of the worst depressions I've ever seen, but I haven't made any attempts because I don't feel like there's a point to anything.
I have no point Last edited by FooZe; Apr 29, 2019 at 06:49 PM.. Reason: added trigger icon |
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 99fairies, Anonymous41462, Anonymous46341, BeyondtheRainbow, FearLess47, fern46, gina_re, HALLIEBETH87, Jedi67, LadyShadow, lightly toasted, Nammu, rwwff, Skeezyks, still_crazy, Unrigged64072835, wiretwister
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Western, NY
Posts: 575
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Apr 28, 2019 at 05:52 PM
#2
Quote:
Last edited by FooZe; Apr 29, 2019 at 06:50 PM.. Reason: added trigger icon |
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 99fairies
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
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Apr 28, 2019 at 07:01 PM
#3
 I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. It's hard, but like Jedi said, it will pass. It just doesn't feel that way right now. It's so hard to see past where you are right now, I know, I really do. But it will. Just gotta keep fighting. Sending good thoughts for strength. You can make it through. Do you currently have a pdoc? Good idea to check in and see if meds could be adjusted. It could help. Sometimes a lot.
__________________ *********  Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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Apr 28, 2019 at 07:09 PM
#4
I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to new meaning in your life.
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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| Anonymous41462, Jedi67
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Jedi67
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7
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Apr 28, 2019 at 07:26 PM
#5
I do have a pdoc and we made changes a couple weeks ago. It had the effect of giving me more energy which is mostly good, but also increasing my depression.
I appreciate the responses. I'm going to bed early again. I'm exhausted |
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Jedi67
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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Apr 29, 2019 at 07:16 AM
#6
You're reaching out even though you're in a dark place. That's a good thing. We're here for you. I'm sorry you're experiencing this and I hope it lifts soon.
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Jedi67
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7
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Apr 29, 2019 at 07:36 AM
#7
I feel like here is the safest place I can reach out. My psych team both tell me I'm getting better or that it's not as bad as it seems. I don't think they understand just how much I want to not exist.
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we are one
Member Since Jul 2013
Location: Ky , USA
Posts: 3,015
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Apr 29, 2019 at 07:43 PM
#8
Quote:
this is a safe place ... please keep reaching out ... many here care and want you to be in a better place ... want you to exist ...I know it sounds like a pat answer but things can get better ... time is the big factor ... give yourself time to bounce back ... it really is true that if we wait long enough things always do change ... I got lucky and found a "reason" to want to be here ... something to look foward to everyday ... such can be found .... what it would be for you I do not know ... but I assure you it is out there ... if you can find it ... I came up from the blackest "beast" I have ever experienced and was right on the edge ... if I can fight back to somewhat normal I know you can too .... never give up friend ... we are here for you ... Tigger .. |
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| Anonymous41462, Jedi67
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Jedi67
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Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
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Apr 29, 2019 at 08:44 PM
#9
Quote:
I hope this time passes for you. You mentioned a change in meds recently? Last year I was given a med and since I am sensitive to side effects and therefore often give up on them quickly, I promised myself a "3 month trial." Well it very clearly increased suicidal thoughts. More than "usual." I finally and definitely told my pdoc, T and primary care doc and they took me off of it. The severity went away. Sometimes it can be meds. (Sometimes not.) Please hang on through the storm and continue reaching out.  FearLess47 __________________ alone in a crowded room 
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7
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Apr 29, 2019 at 09:17 PM
#10
I've had reactions and side-effects to just about everything eventually. My body doesn't respond well to meds, even though my mind might, but I do need them. I worked out 3.5 hours total today plus walking and that helped a little but I'm back to feeling low again and don't have the power to move left in me. I know meds take time and I should be patient. I'm going to bed for the night and hoping I feel better tomorrow, but not counting on it.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
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Apr 30, 2019 at 12:08 PM
#11
How are you feeling today? Thinking of you. It is great you got some work and a walk in!
And it is crazy how much the meds affect us. My body is very sensitive too. I recently came off one and moved my other med to night time. I feel like a completely different person. Hopefully things will settle for you soon. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7
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Apr 30, 2019 at 12:34 PM
#12
Can't stop feeling terrible. I tried, during yoga, to let things go, but my self got in the way yet again. At least I'm ok with little streams coming from my eyes during practice. Gonna rest now, but later I'm going to another exercise class.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2015
Location: Alberta canada
Posts: 1,834
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May 02, 2019 at 08:36 AM
#13
So sorry you're feeling this way. If you're really not safe, is it an option to consider IP? Thinking of you.
__________________ Bipolar 1 |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
7
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May 02, 2019 at 12:23 PM
#14
Quote:
Today's got some mess too. My therapist is already 25 minutes late and not even here. I'm supposed to go help a friend after, that I'm very concerned about. If he doesn't show soon, I'll have to go without. |
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| Anonymous41462, Innerzone, Unrigged64072835
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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