[Blueberrybook]

Tired this afternoon. Nauseous, God knows the list of reasons I may have nausea is endless. I am finally starting to get a little color back to my skin after having iron infusions, and I have noticed my fingernails seem to be tearing/flaking/breaking off a bit less. I don’t always have to use a butter knife to open a can of soda or the tab on cat food cans, only about half the time, maybe a little less, instead of all the time. And thank God. That sort of brittle fingernail/cut cuticles (super slow to heal), tears into the quick under the fingernail is so painful. Sometimes I would wake at night because it hurt so much.

I’m still off and on am cold. I shouldn’t be in our house as we keep it 75 degrees, but it tends to be a little warmer because of being older and not having great insulation. Sometimes, I get hot flushes, and I hope that is from the iron and not hot flashes as I am a bit young for that. I am still waiting on an energy improvement. I have orders for a CBC around the 4th of July.

Mood as mixed as ever. I see the T tomorrow.

H got a bit of a job promotion. Still not a tenured professor as he’d wish though it seems he will achieve that probably within the next year or so. Right now, he also has duties to set up a new MakerSpace (equip it, train people, etc.). He is being given one of the keystone courses for graduation from his department to teach in the fall and the next spring, hopefully in the new MakerSpace. It probably means an inevitable move from La Porte (closer to Houston) to Beaumont as his commute is 1.5 hr each way, though IDK, if he worked in the Houston medical center, he’d probably have a similar commute time, just more stop and go traffic than he deals with right now. We’d have to be able to afford to move first, and just now, we cannot.

[Blue_Bird]

Didn't get enough sleep last night, maybe 4 1/2 to 5 hours. I woke up at 3 in the morning and have been up since. Maybe I'll get some rest tonight. I'm not sure though, I'm stressed about a few things going on right now

Originally Posted by Moose72

Im waiting at Starbucks for Molly. We only will have about an hour as she has a drs appointment today.

I got up late today- 10:00! I should get my butt up and EMBRACE the day! I feel like a slug if I don't.

I found a book at Barnes n Noble called "Haldol and Hyacinths: A Bipolar Life". Its all pretty fa.iliar but her life circumstances are different than mine. Plus, she's a lawyer- I have few skills like that- life-long skills- except singing and I'm failing at that since my vocal cords went bad (one doesn't work).

Hi Moose. Did you like that book? I own that book, but only ever really skimmed it. If you liked it, I'll try to get myself to read it properly. I like Melody Moezzi. I've actually heard her speak, in person, in New York City. She's likeable. I also often read her columns in Bp Magazine, and have seen a couple of her YouTube videos.

Blueberrybook, I hope you feel better soon and that your husband gets his tenure quickly.

Umm, I really am not hypomanic, but confess that I spent a lot of money a little while ago. I meant to just go to Whole Foods for some nice mushrooms (and a "few" other things), but it turned into me also going to Marshall's and spending almost $300 there. Almost $100 was for gifts and a card for my dad, for Father's Day, but the rest was for me only , save a jar of pasta sauce. I needed a new pocketbook and wallet. They aren't cheap, but the prices at Marshall's are quite discounted. And I bought a few pretty blouses, and a couple basic bras, a camisole, and a sports bra and exercise shirt. I was looking at dresses, but didn't find one that looked nice enough. The blouses are really pretty. I guess I was rewarding myself a little for starting a diet.

[hopeless2015]

Had pdoc this morning. Going to add a low dose of luvox to the mix and I go back in August. I tend to hold things in and give off the impression that all is well when it's not but I bit the bullet and let some **** fly with my pdoc. Will see how this goes. He gave me a recommendation for a therapist and strongly advised I start back up with therapy.

Hugs to all

[Moose72]

Hi Moose. Did you like that book? I own that book, but only ever really skimmed it. If you liked it, I'll try to get myself to read it properly. I like Melody Moezzi. I've actually heard her speak, in person, in New York City. She's likeable. I also often read her columns in Bp Magazine, and have seen a couple of her YouTube videos.

I just started the book. It all seems very familiar- lol- yet she has had a different life than I have so its still interesting. I kept putting it down then picking up and reading some random page- thats why I ended up buying it.

[Moose72]

Im on my mom's couch laying next to the window feeling the breeze and listening to the birds, the breeze blowing the leaves in the trees around, and dogs barking. There is no oven or sink here anymore- they are redoing the kitchen and downstairs bathroom. I think its gonna be sweet when its finished. Right now there are new lights but the floors and walls are gone- lots more to be done.

[xRavenx]

Yesterday, I saw a town home that I fell in love with. For the past few years, I've been living with family for most part, so it is a big step for me to buy a place of my own. This is all happening so fast, but I made an offer. Someone else made the owners an offer too, but they decided to accept mine. So they are sending me the contract, and I'm going through the process. This is my first time being a home owner. Just recently, I felt really down, but I was thinking that this might be a change that is needed in order to give me more of a sense of purpose. I have been in a rut, but I look forward to having something I can call my own. There's so much stress though. I need to keep up with my job, while getting in more documents, having the place inspected, closing, etc. Luckily, I have someone to guide me though, so I am so thankful for that.

One downside: my new health insurance does not cover my Psychiatrist. Now, I am going to be tight on cash, and she is pretty expensive, but I'll make it work. She's the one doctor I trust, who has helped me through so much. I am going to try to see her less often (if I am able to do so) and get refills on my meds to avoid spending so much money. I think adding on Latuda might have helped me, although I still get some highs and lows. I am hoping I am actually well and not becoming hypo. So far, I think I'm functioning a bit better, although my anxiety is still high. Clonazepam is providing some relief though.

Hugs to all.

[sadveiledbride]

I feel very awful. Worthless, useless, depressive, sad and I feel like life is one big ball of disappointment.

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Yesterday, I saw a town home that I fell in love with. For the past few years, I've been living with family for most part, so it is a big step for me to buy a place of my own. This is all happening so fast, but I made an offer. Someone else made the owners an offer too, but they decided to accept mine. So they are sending me the contract, and I'm going through the process. This is my first time being a home owner. Just recently, I felt really down, but I was thinking that this might be a change that is needed in order to give me more of a sense of purpose. I have been in a rut, but I look forward to having something I can call my own. There's so much stress though. I need to keep up with my job, while getting in more documents, having the place inspected, closing, etc. Luckily, I have someone to guide me though, so I am so thankful for that.

One downside: my new health insurance does not cover my Psychiatrist. Now, I am going to be tight on cash, and she is pretty expensive, but I'll make it work. She's the one doctor I trust, who has helped me through so much. I am going to try to see her less often (if I am able to do so) and get refills on my meds to avoid spending so much money. I think adding on Latuda might have helped me, although I still get some highs and lows. I am hoping I am actually well and not becoming hypo. So far, I think I'm functioning a bit better, although my anxiety is still high. Clonazepam is providing some relief though.

Hugs to all.

That is so exciting, xRavenx!! Nothing like a fresh space... And of your very own!

I'm sorry your insurance doesn't cover your pdoc.

I'm hoping you're well too. It's natural to get excited with something new. I kind of thought similarly when I got done with my exBF and moved into my own space. (A no drama space!), but my T and pdoc both agreed that it was natural to feel a bit "high" in such a situation, and not indicative of hypo. It is SUCH a better situation and has really helped my stability immensely. So I hope the same for you.

[xRavenx]

Thank you, Innerzone! I'm glad to hear that your situation helped you with your stability.

Yes, I do feel that high level of anxiety, but the excited kind! Since I'm already an anxious person already, it is intensified by all the steps I need to take to go through the process of moving into the new place. But I'll just try to stay positive. I am hoping work doesn't drive me crazy, because my job is new too. So there's a lot of changes at once!!! Working and trying to do all of this is challenging, but I'll just have to take it one step at a time.

[Tucson]

Blueberrybook, my stomach gets like yours when I smoke cigars that are too strong. Do you think this is causing your problem???

Anyway, I am surviving. I hope to have some money tomorrow, but I will see. I have been waiting for this for over a year. My friend ended up with a very lucrative contract, so he will hire me when he gets his money. He tells me my life will not be the same. So once again, we shall see. My ex girlfreing is a different person, in some negative ways. I think she is going through “THE CHANGE” now that she is in her fifties.

[Wander]

Today I had an endoscopy. Apparently my stomach is in perfect health. Good news. So why does it burn and stab when I eat most foods all of a sudden. I have never had any allergies. Just weird. Had a load of blood tests as there may be other reasons. Can stress do this? Make you feel like your stomach is severely irritated when its not? Sigh ... more doctors appointments and more money lost.

The last two mornings I have been waking up around 3.30 am giving me 5-6 hours sleep. Before that is was a solid 8 or 9. My mood is flat so I am certainly not heading hypomanic. In fact I have been struggling with trauma stuff again, and coming off Lamotrigine (very slowly) so maybe its due to one of those. Apart from that I think I am still stable. Well after having a general anaesthetic today for 15 minutes I am hoping I will sleep well tonight. It is 5.30 pm and I am ready for bed but I will have to wait.

Seeing my pdoc tomorrow. Will talk about whether or not I will fully taper off Lamatrigine or just get down to 200 mg and wait a while. It effects my vision so I need to get off but getting off to fast may effect my stability. It will also be nice to touch base on the PTSD stuff, especially since that is his major specialty. Oral Surgeon Thursday, Optometrist Friday, T on Saturday, GP Monday ... when will this craziness end?! My focus is on sorting out all my health issues to the point where I can return to work ... to pay the bills for sorting out my health issues. Kind of circular really.

[sadveiledbride]

Haven't slept yet today. On a semi-unrelated note, I feel like absolute ****.

[downandlonely]

@Wander, sometimes psychiatric problems can cause physical pain. It happened to my mom when she went off her meds. She was having pain in her stomach, and they never found a physical reason for it. Once she was stable on her meds the pain stopped. Might be worth talking to your pdoc about that.

xRavenx, congratulations on your upcoming home ownership! That is exciting, though I understand how it has its bit of stress, as well. When you move in your furniture and other stuff, I hope you take a moment to look around and say "My home! All mine!" That is a special moment.

That's bad luck that your psychiatrist is no longer covered under your insurance. Do you think your psychiatrist may offer you a slightly lower rate now? If you aren't comfortable asking for one, I'd at least let him know that you are continuing with him, despite the insurance coverage, because you value him a lot. Maybe just that might trigger a reduction offer. If not, then you can make it work.

[Blue_Bird]

I was worried because I initially only got 3 hour of sleep last night then was up for several hours, thought that was all I would get but I fell back asleep for 4 more hours thankfully. Going to DSS to get some paperwork for the new apartment I'm trying to get into

[bizi]

Down 6.6 pounds in 11 days!
water weight I know,
but still fun to see.
bizi

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Tucson

Blueberrybook, my stomach gets like yours when I smoke cigars that are too strong. Do you think this is causing your problem???

Anyway, I am surviving. I hope to have some money tomorrow, but I will see. I have been waiting for this for over a year. My friend ended up with a very lucrative contract, so he will hire me when he gets his money. He tells me my life will not be the same. So once again, we shall see. My ex girlfreing is a different person, in some negative ways. I think she is going through “THE CHANGE” now that she is in her fifties.

@Tucson

Good luck on the money front!

Yes the 50's can be a struggle...
give her lots of room for growth.
bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

Down 6.6 pounds in 11 days!
water weight I know,
but still fun to see.
bizi

bizi, I'm finally able to join you for a weight loss adventure. I have been "on plan", so to speak, since Thursday. It hasn't been that difficult at all. I imagine my excellent stable moods have played an important part, but having had my Seroquel XR lowered to 500 mg is quite significant, too. Last year I lost 10 lbs in five weeks on my current cocktail, at only 500 mg Seroquel XR.Then my dose went up because of a mania, and I eventually gained it all back, plus four pounds. With Latuda added, I'm hoping my moods stay good and my Seroquel XR maybe can go down even a little more, eventually. My first weigh-in (at home) will be this Friday.

P.S. I got my husband "on plan", as well, though I'm doing all of the cooking, lunch packing, and tracking for him. I think he's been compliant.

[Wild Coyote]

I hope you have fun tonight! HUGS!!!