[Sunflower123]

Woke up at 4:30 am and found the door to the unit wide open. Couldn’t turn on all the lights fast enough and make sure the girls were accounted for. They just didn’t put the dead bolt on last night or shut the door all the way. Scared me.

Did too much at the beach yesterday and reinjured my twisted ankle (swelling and bruising worse) so stayed in the unit today to recuperate. My sister disapproves and is letting me know in aggressive and passive-aggressive ways both. Just when I thought things were getting better. Won’t make that mistake again. It hurts.

It’s hard to feel alone when you’re in the midst of your family.

Oh well....I’m determined to enjoy the last few days of my vacation while taking excellent care of myself.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm a little frustrated with the weight Ive gained from seroquel. I'm trying my best to eat healthy and stay active.

I rearranged all my furniture today because maintenance is repairing my ceiling next week. It's a nice little change either way.

Hope everyone is doing well

[Innerzone]

I'm liking my new job. They're even playing one of my favorite bands, and I didn't even ask, just had mentioned them in conversation(!) I'd say a bit more, but my lunchtime is over.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Got papers from Social security today for a review of my SSDI. Oh joy I love filling out paperwork. I don’t stress over it. My T, Pdoc, GP and any IP stays I have in the last 3 years will be listed and as last time I’ll get a letter 30-45 days later saying no further action is needed at this time and life continues.

That sounds like what I do but in person at the SS office. I kinda wish my pdoc had put me IP when I was manic just for this reason.

I'm finally in a good place right now, so I haven't been around in a while. Perfectly stable.

I finally got my car back from the repair shop after it got hit by a hostile elderly lady. The shop did a nice job detailing the inside of my car (I didn't even ask!) and made the outside look spotless. Brandy new rear bumper.

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok. I received another shot this past Monday. I am feeling so-so. I wish I could feel more invigorated. However, I am feeling blah. I think the scorching heat here may also be contributing to my blahness. I really don't know.

[Moose72]

I love the weather today- 74 and sunny. Saw Peter today. I quit talking with him in February but today he came over to say hi and I jumped outta my chair and wrapped my arms around him. He was surprised. He says he's changed jobs. He seems happier now but time will tell.

It's not been a bad day. It's been a high stress/low energy kind of day, but not terrible. I've for the most part been able to keep myself distracted so that I don't harp on my issues too much. My therapist tells me that all the time, I never take a break from my issues. It's constantly running through my head and I never can seem to shut it off. It takes a real skill for me to do that, but I'm getting better. I've come to realize the importance of escaping it. It may sound unhealthy at first -- but when you relive day to day to day the same negative emotions, thoughts, feelings, scenarios it really wears you down and it leaves you exhausted.. to find a release, an escape from that for awhile, is necessary.

I never was a believer in the whole "You control how you feel" thing. You don't control how you feel. There are way too many factors that go into an emotion, it's depth, intensity, nuance, form of expression, etc. You DON'T control how you feel -- you control how you respond. That's why it's highly insensitive to not acknowledge how someone feels. It's not a choice -- no one chooses to feel negative emotions. In that same breath, let me tell you also I don't believe you can "change your emotions" in the sense that many people try to throw that around. Fleeting emotions are easy to let go. You don't change how you feel, you just change your focus. However the human psyche is much more complex than that. Over time enduring emotions can change, maybe you grow to love/fall out of love with someone. Maybe you learn to despise something, or hate this, or that. Those things develop and change with time, and won't change on a whim. Most emotions are deeply seated into experience that have lasting impacts. To assume that someone should "just get over it" rejects the idea that person has emotions that are deeper and more intense than what can be experienced from one moment to another.

That doesn't mean there aren't healthy ways to deal with emotions. There are. I don't choose to be neurotic and obsesses and fixate and overthink, I can't really control that happens. I can, however, make the decision to alleviate that in some way. For me, that's an escape into a video game, a walk, a book, a TV show.. something. It helps.

So my lesson of the day from some reflective thought is this: I'm not doing any service to anyone, especially not myself, to pretend I don't feel a certain way or that I that it doesn't bother me. I can't change the fact it has influence and affects me. There is no "just get over it", there is "just deal with it". I personally like that idea. Address your emotions, figure out what is the issue, why you feel the way you do -- take action to help remedy the negative emotion, and if nothing more can be done, try to divert your time and energy. Done deal.

So, insightful day for me.

[yellow_fleurs]

Brentus, I like your take on emotions and I have reached similar conclusions myself recently. I realized I internalize a lot of emotions, and am working on addressing them and dealing with them in healthy ways instead of ignoring them.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm finally in a good place right now, so I haven't been around in a while. Perfectly stable.

I finally got my car back from the repair shop after it got hit by a hostile elderly lady. The shop did a nice job detailing the inside of my car (I didn't even ask!) and made the outside look spotless. Brandy new rear bumper.

That's great that you are continuing to feel stable. Glad you got your car back, too.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Feel like rubbish. This is the lowest I’ve been in years. I’m used to mania and mixed/manic.

I’m sorry your having such a rough time : sadhug: I hope things improve quickly.

[~Christina]

[QUOTE=Wild Coyote;6553256]I am totally exhausted and cannot sleep. I can try to sleep... and even doze off... to only JUMP immediately... Whole body is jumping!


I hope this situation lightens up and stabilizes SOON! There are no signs of achieving sanity anytime soon! Quite disconcerting, to say the least,!


Have you been able to get anymore sleep ???

I worry about you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Still stressing over the move and my classes. I ****ed up one of my assignments because i didn’t understand it and it was too late to ask for clarification. This is what I get for procrastinating. I’m trying not to procrastinate on my final projects but it’s hard. I hate doing work because I’m always so nervous that I’m going to mess it up.


I’m excited to move though. Ten days! RS has been staying over every night this week. I love him so much! It’s so great sleeping next to him after sleeping by myself for so many years. I compare him to my husband a lot (in my mind) and even though my husband is and always will be my first love, RS is just better to get along with. My husband was angry and paranoid at times and we would fight viciously, especially when I was sick. It started when I went to college and was living there, so about one year into our relationship. I hope RS doesn’t turn out to be the same. But he just doesn’t seem to have the anger that my husband always did. So I hope it will be better.


Speaking of paranoid, I’ve been a lot more anxious lately. On Sunday night I couldn’t sleep because I was worried that I was going to wake up and find someone (either RS or my son or my mom) dead. I guess that’s actually pretty normal given what I went through with my husband. And the fact that my cousin just died the same way, and my mother in law found her. I’m sure that might have triggered the feelings of doom. I’ve also been anxious that RS is annoyed with me. Not that he doesn’t love me or anything, just that he thinks I’m lazy.


I lowered my haldol to 5mg to stretch it out because my pdoc wrote the prescription wrong. She only wrote me 90 5mg pills instead of 180. But I think that is contributing to my anxiety. I’m going to call the office today and see if I can get her to rewrite the script. It takes awhile to get her to respond though because I can’t leave a message directly for her, I have to leave one on the prescription line. The administrative staff at the office can’t be bothered to do their jobs so it takes days usually to fix a prescription error. I have enough haldol to take ten mg for 45 days so I have time. Hopefully I can get it straightened out.

Sorry about your classes. You made a mistake , it happens. I’m sure you will be more careful in the future.

I’m so excited for your move , you have needed your own space for a long time now. I’m sure Rs isn’t upset I’m betting he’s just as stressed about the move as you are.

I think your having that nightmare is because of yet another person has lost there life due to drugs. I’m be surprised if that didn’t pop up considering everything you have been through. I have no real advice on how to reassure you, but just go easy on yourself.

Ahhh the ever enjoyable screwed up written prescriptions and unhelpful office staff. It’s easy for them to confirm what the original amount of pills was for but you can also have your pharmacy fax them and verify what the correct number of pills should be. That might prompt a quicker fix for you , just a thought.

my friend

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm angry at my husband! As a good wife, I checked with him about an idea to have my dad, brother, sister, and maybe nephew over this weekend for Father's Day. As usual, he vetoed the idea. He never thinks we have enough room FOR 3 or 4 of my closest family members to come for one meal and then go home?!?!?! That is ridiculous! We have had his Czech friends and relatives many times. It was only about two years ago that we had his old friend's husband and two daughters over for 7 days in a row, with them sleeping in our house and me cooking all of their meals. They even wanted sandwiches to take with them for their NYC day trips. Then we've had his eldest sister, her husband, and their two adult children once for about five days over a Christmas holiday. Not enough room? We even had a huge Christmas tree up in our living room and it was cold as heck outside without the option to go on our deck, like there is now. Not enough room? And my siblings are a lot friendlier than his eldest sister, her husband, and their adult children who criticize all of the time. That old friend's husband wasn't that pleasant, either, and his daughters refused to speak. Instead, he tells me "Invite your dad only, or with your brother. Have your sister and nephew some other time." This seems so mean, to me. You know that my sister finds out that I have my dad and brother over frequently without her being invited. She doesn't say anything, but I think that's crumby of us.

I love my husband, but he can sometimes be controlling. If he doesn't give on this, I will refuse to host any more of his Czech friends and family beyond 1 guest. It was only last summer that we had one of his other Czech nephews and his Brazilian girlfriend for about six days, and at that time I was having severe toothaches that eventually led to root canals in both of my front top teeth. Luckily, they are rather pleasant people, but didn't exactly offer to help with any dishes, or anything else. I cooked a lot of nice dinners for all of these Czechs. All I said I wanted for this weekend were some hamburgers, hot dogs and kielbasa on the grill with simple side salads. Unlike his guests, my family members bring side dishes and dessert.

Well that’s a bunch of bullshyt. One sided as can be. Can you bring it up again in more of a .....

“ I know you said x but I don’t agree that we don’t have room, as proof in the past I have made many of your family and friends welcome and that was for days and I cooked and cleaned it all unlike what I want to do that will only be for a day. I do not know how much longer my father is going to be alive and I want my family all together just Incase this could be our last time”

Yes I would most defiantly play the family card ( and rightfully so) as your father isn’t healthy , of course anything could happen to anyone at any given time. But still.....

For myself if he didn’t come around since I would be doing all the cooking and clean up I’d just plan it anyway and if he can’t be pleasant he can go away for the day or stay in the bedroom by himself.

I hope he can see how lopsided his thinking is and just be happy that it’s a day spent with family.

I hope you can get this sorted out somehow

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I got papers fron SSDI too. It's just a few questions about doctors.

Yep same here , I think what annoys me most is that since the internet has taken over my life ... my handwriting that use to be so pretty is now ragged looking , my husband disagrees.

One letter in each box just grates my nerves LOL

I plan to fill mine out tomorrow and take it to my post office in person. I live in bfe and I always worry when schools out the kids get out looking for mailboxes to smash. We have gone through 2 over the years LOL damn brats.

Our mail box is very far from the house so the one bill a month that can’t be paid online also goes directly to P.O.

I guess we are twins since we both got it the same time lol

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband decided he needed to piss me off even more. After I responded to his veto to having my family over for Father's Day, he wrote this:

"Baby, don’t get angry. No, our house wasn’t big enough for any of the Czechs (obnoxious or mute) and it was a mistake to let them stay with us. So, we learned the hard way. Now we have a choice, and I don’t see the need for having so many people at the same time. All of whom are people with psychiatric issues."

He'd kill me if he knew I shared this!

I just responded to your first post.

Ok that would infuriate me to the moon and back.

Oh hell no.. I would have them over. Screw him he will eventually get over it.

Sheesh !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I got papers recently as well. It was one sheet asking my diagnosis and the last date I saw a doctor. I turned it in and they said nothing further needed at this time. I hope yours goes as smoothly.

Oh joy you too !! Bleh. I see my T next week and I’m sure he’s also gotten notice to do his part.... he said SSDI reviews just bore him to death having to fill them out. Lol

Ok so you Nammu and I are now Triplets lol

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

That sounds like what I do but in person at the SS office. I kinda wish my pdoc had put me IP when I was manic just for this reason.

I was once told that a IP stay really keeps SSDI off your a&& when it comes to reviews. I’m not certain that is but could be .. it just shows how unwell a person can get. It’s not like IP just let’s anyone in since a open bed is so hard to get most of the time.

I’m glad your able to have your caseworker help you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I am doing ok. I received another shot this past Monday. I am feeling so-so. I wish I could feel more invigorated. However, I am feeling blah. I think the scorching heat here may also be contributing to my blahness. I really don't know.

When it gets real hot I have zero ambition and I have to literally kick myself to get things done.

Hope you turn the corner soon

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm finally in a good place right now, so I haven't been around in a while. Perfectly stable.


I finally got my car back from the repair shop after it got hit by a hostile elderly lady. The shop did a nice job detailing the inside of my car (I didn't even ask!) and made the outside look spotless. Brandy new rear bumper.

Hostile elderly lady. LOLOLOLOL this really made me laugh.

Thank you for this