[sadveiledbride]

I have not yet slept today -- it is 4:08 AM (EST) go figure. I am feeling very lonely and quite depressive. Maybe things will be better once I sleep

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

I have not yet slept today -- it is 4:08 AM (EST) go figure. I am feeling very lonely and quite depressive. Maybe things will be better once I sleep

I hope your able to get some sleep. If nothing else just stay horizontal and let your body rest.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’ve been having disturbing dreams again. At least three times in the last week I’ve dreamt

Possible trigger:

that I really, really wanted to cut myself but I couldn’t find a razor and then I ended up in the crisis ER and hospitalized. Now I really, really want to cut myself and unfortunately I DO have razors and could do it

I think the lowered haldol is catching up to me. I’m going to go back up tonight. I’m so depressed today. I don’t want to be at work at all but I don’t have any sick time left and I took off on Monday because my son was sick. So I guess I’m here. It’s raining and miserable here. That doesn’t help my mood. I went six days without a cigarette and then bought two packs. I gotta stop.

Sigh... I I’ll try to get through the day. RS is coming over today so he can comfort me. I won’t hurt myself.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’ve been having disturbing dreams again. At least three times in the last week I’ve dreamt

Possible trigger:

that I really, really wanted to cut myself but I couldn’t find a razor and then I ended up in the crisis ER and hospitalized. Now I really, really want to cut myself and unfortunately I DO have razors and could do it

I think the lowered haldol is catching up to me. I’m going to go back up tonight. I’m so depressed today. I don’t want to be at work at all but I don’t have any sick time left and I took off on Monday because my son was sick. So I guess I’m here. It’s raining and miserable here. That doesn’t help my mood. I went six days without a cigarette and then bought two packs. I gotta stop.


Sigh... I I’ll try to get through the day. RS is coming over today so he can comfort me. I won’t hurt myself.

I’m so sorry those dreams sound terrifying. Be strong and try to make it through the day without hurting yourself. You can do this! It won’t be easy but you can do it.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

I have not yet slept today -- it is 4:08 AM (EST) go figure. I am feeling very lonely and quite depressive. Maybe things will be better once I sleep

I hope you’ve been able to get some sleep. Big hugs.

[GoldenSnitch]

My anxiety has been really high since pdoc decided to take me off of the only med that’s ever worked for me but on the positive side, I went with some people I don’t really know to a training in a big city yesterday and I did well! I thought I would have felt much worse.

I’m really exhausted today though. It took a lot out of me yesterday.

[Scooter9]

I have really let my self care go over the past 18 months. I still look ok but I don't shower every day and the clothes I wear are really worn down - not dated but worn often.

I'm working in a place where some people really take care of themselves so I compared myself to them and saw quite a difference! I dress in jeans every day but those other people dress up every day, and smell good too.

I need to do something. Maybe I'll go shopping this weekend for some better looking jeans, a couple of shirts and some collogne - it couldn't hurt right?

Even if I don't feel that good at least I'll look better and maybe that'll help me feel a little better too.

Mood wise I'm feeling a little better now that I'm into my third week of Wellbutrin. I'm debating whether I should increase the dose or wait for another month to see how it goes. My pdoc generally prefers the minimum dose and I'm all about increasing it quickly to find out if it works, so we have some interesting conversations.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I have really let my self care go over the past 18 months. I still look ok but I don't shower every day and the clothes I wear are really worn down - not dated but worn often.

I'm working in a place where some people really take care of themselves so I compared myself to them and saw quite a difference! I dress in jeans every day but those other people dress up every day, and smell good too.

I need to do something. Maybe I'll go shopping this weekend for some better looking jeans, a couple of shirts and some collogne - it couldn't hurt right?

Even if I don't feel that good at least I'll look better and maybe that'll help me feel a little better too.

Mood wise I'm feeling a little better now that I'm into my third week of Wellbutrin. I'm debating whether I should increase the dose or wait for another month to see how it goes. My pdoc generally prefers the minimum dose and I'm all about increasing it quickly to find out if it works, so we have some interesting conversations.

If you can afford a few new things, it may very well help quite a bit. I recently bought some new blouses and other things. I wore one blouse the day before yesterday and felt good about it. I even got a compliment on the blouse. Maybe go for it!

Originally Posted by GoldenSnitch

My anxiety has been really high since pdoc decided to take me off of the only med that’s ever worked for me but on the positive side, I went with some people I don’t really know to a training in a big city yesterday and I did well! I thought I would have felt much worse.

I’m really exhausted today though. It took a lot out of me yesterday.

I can certainly imagine being exhausted after such a training and time in the city. The city often tires me out, too. I'm glad you did well. Take it easy, if you can.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’ve been having disturbing dreams again. At least three times in the last week I’ve dreamt

Possible trigger:

that I really, really wanted to cut myself but I couldn’t find a razor and then I ended up in the crisis ER and hospitalized. Now I really, really want to cut myself and unfortunately I DO have razors and could do it

I think the lowered haldol is catching up to me. I’m going to go back up tonight. I’m so depressed today. I don’t want to be at work at all but I don’t have any sick time left and I took off on Monday because my son was sick. So I guess I’m here. It’s raining and miserable here. That doesn’t help my mood. I went six days without a cigarette and then bought two packs. I gotta stop.

Sigh... I I’ll try to get through the day. RS is coming over today so he can comfort me. I won’t hurt myself.

I'm glad to read that RS is coming over tonight for you. Please look forward to that. Then tomorrow is Friday. Be kind to yourself.

[Unrigged64072835]

Got the first shingles shot yesterday and it wiped me out. My husband had the second and he was even worse. Good thing it’s only two shots! I also don’t have to get the second shot for two months. I should recover before my birthday, I hope.

I let slip to my husband that I was making him a t-shirt for Fathers Day. I was getting frustrated because I was making mistakes. I managed to fix almost all of them, but the pocket is kinda wonky. I’m just in no shape to work on anything, and I can’t focus either. I think he understood because he was also feeling rough. At least we have groceries for the week so I can make dinner. I’m thinking of getting him one of those candy bouquets and a card early this weekend.

My daughter texted us yesterday that her car wasn’t working at all. At least she has money to fix it, and our insurance covers towing. Hopefully with her promotion she can pay her own insurance next fall. I think she got him something for Fathers Day as well but he may not get it until next week. Her boyfriend wants to take us out for a celebration since they both were promoted, but they don’t know what their new schedules are yet.

That is life so far. People are still recovering from the tornadoes but they’re keeping their heads up.
Hope those of you who are struggling will find resolution and peace. Love to all of you!

sadveiledbride, I hope you got some sleep eventually.

I had been riding a very pleasant mild high for weeks, but then all of a sudden yesterday I felt dragged me down. The fight I had with hubby fizzled out. I hate to fight, so I put it behind me. ~Christina, there will come a time when I do really step up against my husband on the matter I discussed. This time, I decided that I did want the bbq, but compromised and asked my brother if we can have it at my dad's and his house. My brother liked the idea. I need to call my sister. If my sister can't make it, maybe I will have it at my house, if it's just my dad and brother. I told my husband that there will be a bbq and that if he doesn't wish to participate, that's OK, but that I'd want him to.

There will come a time when I finally get back to work. When that time comes, it may take additional time for my husband to finally feel like it can last. Though I'll admit that I have always been the one in the marriage to compromise most often, I am an assertive woman.

I've been "stable" but it's still hard to really do things. I'm not sad or empty but all I do is listen to music in bed all day. I stopped going for walks daily, and I don't really have a reason for that. I'm afraid to check my weight because I'm on Zyprexa, Depakote, and Invega too.

Been a rough ride for me the last few weeks, but I know things are going to get better. The only sure-fire way to get help, is to help yourself. You can't rely on anyone else to support you, and it shouldn't be expected. I personally don't see it worth the extra drama or the judgements that come out of it anyway.You are the only person responsible for you, and I should remember that before asking another to help me bear the weight. I gotta do whats right for me, you know? I'll find the all the support I need within myself and with it I'll find my source of strength and willpower to overcome all of this.

I've taken the first step to helping myself, and that's realizing you can't change people. I've suffered a lot in my life since an early age and lots of that distorts ideas of self-worth and allowing yourself to be put into abusive or otherwise unhealthy and toxic relationships... and stay because it's all you've ever really known and you suffer. However I won't assume the role of victim anymore. I held onto something hoping it would change knowing good and well I couldn't make it happen. I finally, unwillingly, but finally got out of that scenario. The longer I'm out, the more I realize the only person who could have helped me was myself... and I'm glad that I did.


The snowball effect really took hold this last year or so and I've run into a lot of issues in my life -- most unresolved. If I want to see change, I have to find it in myself to do it. I'm weak in a lot of ways. I let others encourage my thought that I don't matter. My voice doesn't matter, my opinions and feelings are not invalid, but wrong. I've rolled over and let others tell me what I deserve, what I don't, and what is right and what is wrong. Notice my wording -- they didn't let that happen, I did. I let them manipulate and hurt me. I assumed my role of victim and stopped fighting back. I won't do that anymore. I have a voice, and while there may be no one in my life to hear it, I can and I will proudly let it sing. I do matter, as insignificant as I am as one person, I am a contribution to this world, and I will find somehow and someway to bring purpose to that again. I may never find someone to share my opinions or validate my feelings, but in the end.. I don't need to be validated. I don't have to prove the validity of how I feel to anyone. It matters to me. It affects me. It's important to me , and that's enough.


I've felt cheated by life for a long time. I've blamed myself for a long time. I've rolled over and accepted it, for a long time. I won't easily be able to get my life back, but that's only going to come from inside me. I'll get through all this, I've gotten through worse and I've always done it on my own. I may come out the other side a little more tired, weaker, and worse for wear... but I am on the other side. I'll start by accepting responsibility for my own emotions, and find it within myself to find the courage to believe in myself without the necessity of having someone else tell me what I'm doing is right.


That's not to say I don't appreciate the encouragement and support, especially that I've received here. I do, and very much so. I just have to keep in mind who is in charge of my life, and who it is who can make changes.

I've made some decisions today that I feel comfortable with, and I don't need anyone's approval to see it done. I feel that is a step in the right direction for me. I'm doing what is right for me, and I'm not going to let anyone take my voice away.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

sadveiledbride, I hope you got some sleep eventually.

I had been riding a very pleasant mild high for weeks, but then all of a sudden yesterday I felt dragged me down. The fight I had with hubby fizzled out. I hate to fight, so I put it behind me. ~Christina, there will come a time when I do really step up against my husband on the matter I discussed. This time, I decided that I did want the bbq, but compromised and asked my brother if we can have it at my dad's and his house. My brother liked the idea. I need to call my sister. If my sister can't make it, maybe I will have it at my house, if it's just my dad and brother. I told my husband that there will be a bbq and that if he doesn't wish to participate, that's OK, but that I'd want him to.

There will come a time when I finally get back to work. When that time comes, it may take additional time for my husband to finally feel like it can last. Though I'll admit that I have always been the one in the marriage to compromise most often, I am an assertive woman.

I hope however it works out that it will just be a good enjoyable day.

I hope that things become more I guess I’ll say “ fair” for lack of a better word and both of you are able to agree on things like this

[sadveiledbride]

I did end up sleeping and now feel much better. Today has been alright. I am a little down but I think self-care may help. I hope you all on this thread are well.

[Wander]

Things are deteriorating, although the Bipolar seems to be kept at bay. My stomach stabs and burns a lot of the time and I’m struggling to get enough calories in so I’ve lost 4 kg in a few weeks. Like 8% of my weight. Along with that breathing hurts, and I’m not smoking. Physically I feel awful. I see another specialist next Thursday and there is not much more I can do until then except try and eat enough.

Saw an optometrist this morning and he agrees that Lamotrogine May be the cause of my vision issues. Well that or I’m older than I think. In three weeks I’ll be off it and will be able to confirm if my eyes heal. This is why I hate being on meds. Makes me want to chuck them all away.

To top it off anxiety has begun to hit me hard in response to the near constant TV show in my head that plays all the bad memories of my life on repeat. Using my coping skills and managing ok. See my T tomorrow which should be helpful.

I’m trying to stay calm and positive. Although, at times I feel myself crumbling. But I will stay strong.

[Pookyl]

Feeling marginally better today. I took my Epilim last night after much debating with hubby. I also took my 25mg Seroquel IR. I’m still contemplating about whether to take Epilim today.

[~Christina]

I think taking it right now is wise until your back on steady ground.

[bizi]

Have not slept all night got out of bed at 3;30am, packed for our trip to TX.
hubby should be up soon. Excited but tired....

He wants to leave at 8am. maybe that is why I did not sleep?
I will be away from this computer until sunday night.
bizi