FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Grand Magnate
Wander
exists in a dualistic state...
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
2,611 hugs
given |
#961
Saw my T today. He is worried about my rapid decline over the last two days. My anxiety is unbearable and rage inconsumable. Seroquel helps but I can’t function on it so can only have it in the evenings. Saying that I’m struggling to function well anyway.
Last night a trigger sent me into a spin. I was at my parents but had to run out the door to escape the trigger. After a rage-filled dangerous drive I got to my partners flat. He calmed me down enough to go back to my parents where dinner was waiting. Today I am no better. After nearly an hour of trying not to tell my T I told him I was at breaking point. I am doing every single self care thing; exercise, meditation, healthy eating, trying to keep good sleeping patterns, journaling, distraction etc. Yet, over the last two days I’ve began to lose my mind due to the intense anxiety and crazy thoughts. My thoughts are slipping... My T suggested hospital if I don’t pull up out of this nosedive but I told him I refuse to be trapped in there. He knows me well enough to know that but to also know I’m in trouble. My partner is to stay with me this week and I am to text my T tomorrow and let him know how I am. I won’t say worse as I know he will try to get me IP. Hopefully I won’t have to lie. Right now I feel sick. This is way too much stress. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
Anonymous46341, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, sadveiledbride, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote
|
Magnate
Blueberrybook
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,899
78 hugs
given |
#962
Ugh, woke up at 2:30 AM with horrible insomnia, hot then cold then hot (iron related, hormones, anxiety,who knows?, body seems crazy these days). I don't think I remembered to take my calcium/magnesium last night, and that combo (the magnesium especially) tends to help with my restless leg syndrome, the calcium a bit with relaxing muscles. So I had restless legs too. But I wasn't sure if I'd taken the magnesium, and since too much of it has a laxative effect (at least on me), I decided to forgo it. The trade-off was only 3.5 hr. sleep though...
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, , propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, omeperazole I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --Robert Frost |
Anonymous46341, fern46, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
~Christina
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12.7k hugs
given |
#963
Quote:
I am so sorry your just stuck in the unrelenting hell of ptsd. I hope with your partner staying you can start to break the cycle. As much as IP can suck at times there is a time and place for it. We must keep our selves safe. Stay safe __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
|
Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
fern46, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Member
Nevvy
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2015
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 247
11 hugs
given |
#964
Going to my clinic today to meet with my social worker to talk about things. Not entirely sure I'm in the mood to chat about things, but it gets me out and maybe I can learn something? I always find those meetings so.... Confronting I guess? I don't mind talking about my head problems, but when it comes down to the gross life problems I'm just not into it.
I cleaned the bedroom today and did a lot of laundry, so if this meeting is a waste, at least I did something that I've been putting off? Laundry baskets are empty and the bedroom doesn't look like a dorm, go meeeee. Mood wise, I feel ugly as usual (didn't share that in my last check ins) , but I'm working on it. I am trying to dress nicely and wear more fitting things, to get myself to feel attractive. I'm not depressed or anything, but ever since I lost my weight I feel worse off? My partner says I look great, but when I look in the mirror I don't see that, and I see all of that skin that's becoming loose and I feel just gross. I wish I could see myself how other people see me. Small things I think, but in general I'm still okay! __________________ Diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder II Anxiety Disorder OCD Meds: Lithium Lamictal Seroquel Zaprexa Oxazepam Lots of misc that I wont list, but feel free to ask about above |
Anonymous46341, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, sadveiledbride, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Elder
wildflowerchild25
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,431
9,545 hugs
given |
#965
I had yet another dream about being hospitalized against my will and being unable to contact RS to let him know. This time I escaped to ward by running through the doors as someone was coming in but they caught me later on because obviously I had nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere. They physically restrained me and carried me back to the ward. I don’t like these dreams. They disturb me all day. Not sure why I’m having so many right now. Maybe I’m stressed out about something. I’m definitely stressed out about school. I don’t know. I hope they stop soon.
__________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
Anonymous46341, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Magnate
tecomsin
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: canada
Posts: 2,007
736 hugs
given |
#966
On top of the difficulties I am having with my 'friend', I found out yesterday from my sister than my estranged father is dying of pancreatic cancer. He's in the hospital and the friend who took him there called his ex-wife, who then called my sister, which is how I found out about it.
This friend then called my sister from the hospital line and she talked for the first time in years to my father on the phone. I called him later. it was the first time in a long time I spoke with him. I found out from my sister that my father is being hugely insulting to non-white hospital staff who are caring from him. She heard this from my Dad's friend who called her on the hospital line. My father is a terrible racist. Neither me nor my sister is going to see him but my sister's husband is flying there today to help him arrange hospice. He wants hospice at home rather than in a facility. I felt a momentary sense of release and relief yesterday when i found out he was going to be dead soon, that he would no . longer be a part of my walk on this earth. __________________ BP 1 with psychotic features 50 mg Lyrica 50 mcg Synthroid 2.5 mg olanzapine |
Anonymous46341, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, unaluna, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Guest
Anonymous46341
has no updates.
Edit
Posts: n/a
|
#967
Sending hugs to everyone who needs them.
My husband has been really stressed because of work, so I convinced him to take a little vacation to get a break. He needed that push and is now excited about it. Hubby discovered that someone stole our credit card number and started using it for multiple Netflix purchases. Hubby had to cancel that card, so we will get a replacement. I guess it could have been far worse. The thing is, who stole it. You wonder whether it was someone we have some level of interaction with or not. The weather is gorgeous out. I want to do some weeding and eat lunch outside. |
fern46, Nammu, Sunflower123, tecomsin, Wild Coyote
|
Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, ~Christina
|
Silver Swan
Moose72
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,414
(SuperPoster!)
2,511 hugs
given |
#968
Hugs to Christine and WC and everybody else!
I'm home cleaning today. Dunno what else to do- my friend won't be around. I'm doing laundry and sweeping and mopping the kitchen. Dishes are done. Etc. Slightly sore from yesterday's long walk. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
Anonymous46341, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, ~Christina
|
Crone
Nammu
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,973
(SuperPoster!)
53.4k hugs
given |
#969
Quote:
Hugs and baklava to everyone. __________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
|
Anonymous46341, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Grand Magnate
Tucson
Relieved there is a tomorrow!
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 3,105
16 hugs
given |
#970
I have been very depressed lately, up and down on mood. It gets better in the afternoon. So to help myself, I decided to get an antique pistol. It is hand engraved and assembled. It is a part of history that I enjoy thinking about.
Possible trigger:
__________________ Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
fern46, Innerzone, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Elder
wildflowerchild25
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,431
9,545 hugs
given |
#971
Quote:
In the dream before this one, I was violent and hurt a stranger just because she was rude to me. I get those dreams often too. I think that’s a fear of loss of control for me. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
|
Anonymous46341, Nammu, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Poohbah
Scooter9
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,189
79 hugs
given |
#972
I just found out that my eldest son might end up staying for most of the summer! That's fantastic because I miss him so much when he's away. We're planning some weekend outings now.
Also a Starbucks opened really close to where I work. There was one I went to before but it was a 10 min walk there but this one is on the same property. There goes my retirement savings I'm feeling ok. I saw my pdoc yesterday and she agrees that I have a way to go to get out off this depression I'm in. She says I'm doing all the right things with my books, sleep, continuing to work, walking. It's really a matter of getting the right med combo. She has hopes that things continue to improve with the Wellbutrin. We might increase the dose again in 3 weeks if I'm still depressed by then. I can live with that. At least there's a plan. __________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Latuda, Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin, Vraylar My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
Anonymous46341, Blue_Bird, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote, ~Christina
|
Veteran Member
sadveiledbride
has no updates.
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: ???
Posts: 738
830 hugs
given |
#973
Couldn't fall asleep until very late. I am feeling sad and regretful.
|
Anonymous46341, Blue_Bird, fern46, Innerzone, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Sunflower123
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
(SuperPoster!)
95k hugs
given |
#974
My T told me today that my insurance only pays her $6.86 plus my copay and she can’t afford to take that kind of loss so she can only see me once a month. I’ll need to find another T. It’s a shame because I’ve had some great breakthroughs with her in the short time I’ve seen her.
Having very dark thoughts today. I’ll be okay. I talked it over with a good friend and it’s at a manageable level. I do get tired of the frequent struggle. I’ll talk it over with my NP next week. Warm wishes and hugs to all. |
Anonymous46341, Blue_Bird, Daonnachd, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote, ~Christina
|
Legendary
Victoria'smom
has no updates.
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,880
(SuperPoster!)
5,415 hugs
given |
#975
I think I might be mixed. I want to indulge, I'm getting paranoid, I also want really dark things that I can't have. I'm spinning out of control silently. I don't have the words to explain what's going on. I feel dangerous but I'm safe.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
Daonnachd, Innerzone, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
~Christina
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12.7k hugs
given |
#976
BirdDancer.... we had someone get a hold of our credit card last year, we suspect it was a skimmer at a gas station last year on a trip to Florida. . It’s such a pain to contact them and file the claim then wait for a new card. Have you and your husband decided on what to do for your mini vacation?
Tecomsin I’m sorry that your dealing with losing a Father you have been estranged from. It’s good that someone is able to go and get things set up so you and your sister aren’t saddled with the job. Wild... it’s awful that you have this recurring dream, so disturbing for you. I’m honestly thinking that just the stress of work, school deadlines and making this move all at the same time has you just overstressed which is bringing on the nightmare, again. I am so happy that you have found love again and now have your own place to make memories at. Hope you have only good dreams now Tucson.. oh the unrelenting depression that you just can’t shake off it just plain sucks. I hope that your purchase will indeed perk you up Scooter...that’s great news your son will be around!!! Enjoy every minute. Jeniffer.... this is terrible, insurance just holds us and providers all hostage! I hate that you have to find a new T when you were making progress with your current one. I hope that can find a new one that you “ click” with right away. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
Anonymous46341, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Veteran Member
GoldenSnitch
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 577
21 hugs
given |
#977
IP again. Since Sunday. I don’t think it will be a long stay but there are some med adjustments so I’m not sure.
|
fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, sadveiledbride, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
~Christina
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12.7k hugs
given |
#978
Quote:
Are you taking your AP as prescribed? What do you have to use as a PRN? Stay safe __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
|
Wild Coyote
|
Wild Coyote
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
~Christina
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12.7k hugs
given |
#979
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
Wild Coyote
|
GoldenSnitch, Wild Coyote
|
Grand Poohbah
yellow_fleurs
has no updates.
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: US
Posts: 1,512
1,265 hugs
given |
#980
One of my least favorite symptoms of whatever mixing pot of issues I have is cognitive. Hormones certain times of the month make this worse, and it will make me feel forgetful, spacey, have difficulty with executive function, am more prone to errors, clumsiness. I also had a mini breakdown at my friend's wedding last weekend, unrelated to hormones, but hid it so as not take the attention away from the bride and groom. That was from stress/lack of sleep I guess. I get in these weird, dysphoric moods where I am sad and scared and feel hopeless all at once and I barely recognize myself. I have entertained that maybe it's a personality disorder, a sign of emotional regulation issues, but it feels very separate from my identity and personality at the same time. There are many times I do not react strongly to situations, in fact I was the calmest of my parents and sister growing up and helped everyone else regulate their emotions. I will just keep working on things in therapy I guess.
Other than that I am doing alright, my SO is visiting soon (we are in a long distance relationship) so that will be nice. We might go somewhere next weekend. |
bizi, fern46, Innerzone, Nammu, sadveiledbride, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
|
Wild Coyote, ~Christina
|