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Anonymous55879
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Default May 02, 2019 at 08:19 AM
  #1
Is it hypomania/manic when you can't decide whether you feel crazy because you feel guilty about the things you have done or your feel crazy because you are bipolar. I am trying to work but keep getting distracted by this.....
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fern46
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Default May 02, 2019 at 08:37 AM
  #2
I feel crazy because my brain has a chemical imbalance and malfunctioned. I think about it at least a few times a day, but I'm not manic. I understand feeling guilty though. I had no idea I had this and it came on suddenly. My behavior was horrible and I'm shameful of it. I know it wasn't technically my fault, but it still hurts every day. It gives me motivation to make healthy lifestyle changes and I'm trying to see that as the bright side.

Maybe try a coping skill to help you think about something else. Music maybe. I sing a particular song over and over until the thoughts recede when I get stuck on a train I want to get off of.
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Default May 02, 2019 at 09:36 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by fern46 View Post
I feel crazy because my brain has a chemical imbalance and malfunctioned. I think about it at least a few times a day, but I'm not manic. I understand feeling guilty though. I had no idea I had this and it came on suddenly. My behavior was horrible and I'm shameful of it. I know it wasn't technically my fault, but it still hurts every day. It gives me motivation to make healthy lifestyle changes and I'm trying to see that as the bright side.

Maybe try a coping skill to help you think about something else. Music maybe. I sing a particular song over and over until the thoughts recede when I get stuck on a train I want to get off of.
Thanks, yes, took your advice am playing music but the ruminations still go on in the background. Plus I took a Xanax. They calm your anxiety but can push you into depression if you take too much.

It is possible that I am not bipolar (only on psych doctor diagnosed be with this and it was just last year and could be because I thought I was--ie told her some symptoms that made me think this). I might have thought that because my guilt made me break down then the psych drugs were what really made me go over the edge. And I still reach for them to soothe my guilt/depressing thoughts/pain. It is really a chicken and the egg sort of thing. I mean I got through college (I even have a master's and have had so many jobs--in the Air Force, I completed my masters while working 45-50 hours a week. I can work 40 hours a week with no problem when I commute to a job without distractions at home.
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Default May 02, 2019 at 10:23 AM
  #4
Playing music helps. I actually turn my head into a radio though. I sing a particular song to myself concentrating to get all the words right and I sing it over and over until my thoughts change. Listening to music doesn't distract me quite enough for some reason.

My diagnosis is up in the air too. I have decided not to worry about it. If it walks like a duck.... The meds are helping and I'm stable. I relate to those with bipolar disorder.
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