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Old 05-05-2019, 04:41 PM #1
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Default My summer

So I can't shake the feeling that my family hates me and wants me dead. It's very painful. My husband insists I'm probably depressed because of how teary I became yesterday. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm trying to learn to live with it. Therapy doesn't work for me and meds mute me. Miguel should be at his grandma's by tonight. I'll feel much better then (hopefully) because I worry about my family getting into driving accidents. I've been trying to sleep but with my anxiety it's not working. My sister is on her way here. My house is trashed, I haven't showered in days. I really need to find motivation. I would like to one day work but I'm hesident to even volunteer an hour. I want to help I just don't know how to present information in a fun way.
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Old 05-06-2019, 10:07 AM #2
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Default Re: My summer

Miguel made it. Things turned dark last night. My husband mentioned the hospital. I will get through this fine. I'm seriously thinking of going back on the abilify shot. I don't know how to convince a dr to let me do that. I don't want to explain my thoughts to a dr. They wont trust me to keep myself safe. I can do this.
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Old 05-06-2019, 03:59 PM #3
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Default Re: My summer

After today (the last day) I will not be volunteering with the co-op. Even 12 hrs is too much.
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Old 05-07-2019, 12:36 PM #4
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Default Re: My summer

We had a long conversation last night. My husband wants me back on meds . He doesn't think my anxiety and paranoia will end without me on meds. My anxiety is bad. I took zyprexa this morning. I told him I don't want to explain myself to the pdoc. Plus any odt needs prior authorization. I think they'll make a big deal about my psychosis when I can just ignore it but the anxiety is killing me.
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Old 05-07-2019, 01:09 PM #5
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Default Re: My summer

I think going back on meds is a good idea. Sure you'll be muted, but you won't have to put up with this depression, the psychosis, or the anxiety. At least not to the extent that you are right now. You sound like you're really suffering.
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Old 05-07-2019, 05:18 PM #6
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Heart Re: My summer

Sending big hugs. I agree that meds may be a good idea. When I am off my meds I look at them as being a bad thing but when I go back on I am thankful for the relief
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Old 05-07-2019, 11:06 PM #7
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Red face Re: My summer

take the meds save your marriage. You guys are a team. trust him....
bizi sorry it is so hard for you.
I don't know what ODT means.
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Old 05-07-2019, 11:59 PM #8
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Default Re: My summer

ODT is Disolvable medication. Me swallowing **** doesn't work out. My marriage isn't in trouble because of me not taking meds. We're not fighting. He knows what I feel and that's it. There's no use arguing about it or anything.
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Me- BP1 ??? 10 mg ODT abilify
Husband- Bipolar 1
Son- mood disorder nos


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Old 05-08-2019, 04:43 PM #9
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Default Re: My summer

You have probably tried this already but I have found taking my meds with chocolate milk makes it much more bearable. Its kinda like they dissapear into it instead of touching my mouth and tasting bad in water or any other thin liquid. I also started getting a week worth ready at a time so the smell isnt so overwhelming and making me want to vomit every time(although my family says they smell like vanilla, they smell horrible to me)
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Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder?

Meds:
Depakote
Welbutrin
Seroquel

I didn't want any flowers, I only wanted
to lie with my hands turned up and be
utterly empty. How free it is,
you have no idea how free.
- Sylvia Plath
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Old 05-08-2019, 07:20 PM #10
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Default Re: My summer

I took meds with chocolate milk for a while. Now I can't drink chocolate milk or I gag. Same with pudding and yogurt.
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Dx:
Me- BP1 ??? 10 mg ODT abilify
Husband- Bipolar 1
Son- mood disorder nos


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