FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Ohio
Posts: 246
8 |
#1
This past year has been the most stable I've been in my life. And let me tell you it is so BORING. I found some journal entries from before I was on the right meds and I can't even remember what it was like to feel everything that intensely. It's that time of the year when the sun comes out and drives me up higher and tricks me into thinking it's a great idea to stop all my meds and ride out that rollercoaster. I see a new pdoc next Monday. I don't know yet how much to tell her. Right now I have enough sanity left to know it's probably a good idea to be upfront but that itch just needs scratching. Ya dig?
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous41462, BipolaRNurse, gina_re, Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy
|
BipolaRNurse, gina_re, Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy, Unrigged64072835
|
Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: Western, NY
Posts: 575
5 1,913 hugs
given |
#2
Quote:
__________________ "Do or Do Not. There is No Try" - Yoda, Jedi Master Diagnosed 2008 Bipolar II with Mixed States, Rapid Cycling with Anxiety / Depression: Meds: Zoloft, Latuda, Gabapentin & Depakote. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous41462, MickeyCheeky
|
MickeyCheeky
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#3
I understand the allure of mania, but after years of major problems with it, I'm happy to kick that mental state out the door. Of course some mild little bit of hypomania is still nice, but there's a world of difference between mild hypomania and full blown mania with psychosis. As I aged, it also more often turned mixed, as well, which is hell.
I don't consider my life to be boring. I know how to have a good time while stable. Plus, fun while stable has significantly fewer (or no) negative ramifications. I suggest you try to practice and seek fun during stability. Fun is made, not served to people on a silver platter. |
Reply With Quote |
Gabyunbound, Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy
|
Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#4
I completely understand, I myself haven't gotten to the point of being okay with resisting that urge, but I can resist it and that's what counts. You can resist it too
|
Reply With Quote |
Jedi67, MickeyCheeky
|
Jedi67, MickeyCheeky
|
Member
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Ohio
Posts: 246
8 |
#5
Yeah I should know better. I definitely have a pattern. Summer gets me manic and I end the season by jumping into an impulsive relationship that's no good for me. Then I spiral into a bad place mentally. My therapist told me to date myself for a while and i think that's a great idea. I can have fun on my own terms and stay stable. Still, it's tempting...
|
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous41462, Jedi67
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#6
I miss the high too. I get beautiful euphoric hypomanias, sometimes with relatively minor negative impacts. At this time of year i am usually well into a Spring hypomania. But this year, with the Spring so late, i haven't got it. I really miss it. I was looking forward to it and counting on it. I'm so sick of feeling down and exhausted.
That's cute that your doctor said to "date yourself"! I've jumped into many an impulsive relationship too, always to my regret. I've managed to resist in recent years and i'm so glad to have put that behavior behind me. |
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,435
6 79 hugs
given |
#7
I used to live for the highs but found living on the edge eventually became too risky. I now get satisfaction out of radical hair colour changes, nail colour, a tattoo etc
__________________ Pookyl ———————————————————————————— BP1, GAD, Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Claustrophobia Psych meds: Saphris, Seroquel XR, regular Seroquel. PRN Diazepam and Zopiclone |
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
given |
#8
Oh, I miss hypomania too. Pure ,mild to moderate, hypomania that is. No mania, and no mixed states. Just the amazing euphoria, flight of ideas, ability to achieve goals quickly (or at least when mild), super-sociable, charismatic, mostly functional but still able to not cause major damage. That, I miss. It's the Craziness that often follows that I hate, and will avoid at any costs.
This means I try to avoid hypomania as it usually leads to a severe mixed state, mania, and psychosis sometimes. I have come too close to death to risk that again. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
Reply With Quote |
Neurodivergent
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: Western US
Posts: 4,831
12 3,864 hugs
given |
#9
I've noticed a similar absence of oomph this spring. No March Madness, no April or May hypomania (at least not yet). I think this is the first spring I haven't had the slightest hint of mania, and while I miss the euphoria I'm not at all tempted to go off my meds like I have in the past. Several of them have been adjusted over the last year and I think I've finally got them right. Hurray!
__________________ DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
Reply With Quote |
Anonymous41462
|
Member
Member Since May 2018
Location: Earth weekdays, Pluto on weekends
Posts: 318
5 20 hugs
given |
#10
I think it's a taste of unreality. There's no doubt it's addictive in that we find out the fun side of our uninhibited selves. That's what I miss. Somewhere between the low side of "normal" and manic is the real me. I wish I could stay there. Unfortunately the only way to get there is on the way up. Damage at Manic, crash afterward...sometimes it seems worth the risk. Then I look at my life, my age, the only way I've got a chance of living to a semi decent age is watering the grass on this side of the fence. I don't miss the mania, I do miss the fun. I know that this medicated semi depressed person isn't me.
|
Reply With Quote |
Moose72
|
Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,474
(SuperPoster!)
16 2,548 hugs
given |
#11
I miss the feeling of being detatched- the ease of having no worries, of knowing that I know everything, and the feeling that I am one with myself and the universe. I miss mania.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Loxapine 50mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
Reply With Quote |
Jedi67
|
Reply |
|