What mood were you in during your first episode? What was it like?

What was your first episode? Manic, mixed, depressed, or psychotic (if you have SzA)?

What was it like?

Mine: depression. Displayed as severe anger and rage. I remember destroying my belongings and physically hurting my dad.

Mania- Summer 2009, started mid May when I moved out of my family home into a flat with a work colleague. Then kicked into full when I was at a friend's wedding in July then kicked further into mania at a friend's wedding in August where I dumped my then boyfriend who I took down to England for a wedding. Had a one night stand with the Groom's Cousin who was gorgeous as. Then broke up with my boyfriend for love from the Groom's Cousin. Was on a high from May- Sept 2009 first manic episode. Was so high I literally felt like I was flying

Depression when I was 12 or 13. I was in a stupor. Couldn’t move, couldn’t climb a flight I’d stairs without stopping to lie down and rest in the landing. No interest in eating. I would lie and stare at the wall for hours. My mom would take me on errands with her to get me out of the house but I would not leave the car. My mom brought me to every possible type of doctor except a psychiatrist. None of them found anything wrong with me, of course. Eventually my mom decided there was really nothing wrong with me and forced me back to school. It felt impossible but I did it. Eventually it lifted and I felt normal again. I don’t remember ever feeling sad. Just exhausted, indifferent and like my limbs were made of lead. First manic around 16. For me that meant lots of sex with a boy I would never have been interested in if I had been in a normal state. Normally low key socially and would never have gone after a. Boy aggressively like that much less taken him to bed.

Though I likely had mild euphoric periods before, my first major symptoms started at 14/15 years old with anxiety and depression followed by a severe mixed episode that again became more purely euphoric hypo/manic by 16 years old.

A brief list of the events/ramifications included:

14/15 - Anxiety and depression (prescribed Buspar/buspirone), stopped ballet and skipped school days almost failing grade.

16 - Severe mixed episode, passed out at school coming to in hysterics, sent to child therapist, changed schools because of it.

16/17 - Wanted to find God so went to numerous churches in town, soon after joining the Catholic church and developing religious fervor.

17/18 - Stabilized. Religious fervor eased.

My first hypomanic episode was when i was 18. I thought i'd fallen in love. I thought love was responsible for my euphoria and talking lots which was unusual for me. My best friend said she liked me better that way because "there weren't all those tense silences." My mom said i seemed very happy. I stood up to my younger sister who could be quite hostile and she cried. I saw my boyfriend every day and we had sex for the first time for both of us on our one week anniversary.

When i came down i realized that he wasn't that great and i thought it was just infatuation. I continued to see him for the rest of the Summer but i was nasty to him because i was so bored with him. We broke up in the fall and i was perversely devastated. Years later when i was diagnosed i realized that my elation with him at first was hypomania.

Psychotic depression. I was 17ish. I stopped talking to the few friends I had, and instead had "invisible roommates" that were actually auditory hallucinations telling me what to do and how to do it. I couldn't sleep at all because of the voices and I was just in a horrible state of mind, tired all the time, thought I was the Devil. I had no clue who to believe and it was not fun at all.

Mine was last November and it was psychotic. I had hallucinations. I thought all kinds of bizzare stuff and it changed almost every minute. I freaked out over religious stuff mostly. I remember thinking I was an angel and I could fly. I remember thinking my husband was trying to convince me that one of my children was a ghost and wasn't real. I thought my husband was evil and wanted to keep me from my kids. I busted through a wall to get to my son. I threw all kinds of objects at my husband including a table. I was completely out of my mind. I really cannot explain any of it. I love my husband dearly and he is a wonderful man and father. He took the brunt of my wrath and did his very best to protect our small children while trying to call 911 to get me help. I've never been violent with anyone before. It was literally like I was possessed. I got tased by the police several times before they were able to detain me and take me to the hospital. It was the worst night of my life and it felt like being partially lucid while in a nightmare. I could have been killed or hurt someone physically. I caused all kinds of emotional trauma for myself and my family. It still hurts every day.

The doctors don't know why it happened to me. They have now diagnosed me with brief reactive psychosis. I have been stable for almost 7 months and they are talking about weaning me off meds. I am scared to death of a relapse.

Mania with delusions and hallucinations, 1976. I was 16 years old. I believed that my poster of the Boston Red Sox that hung on my wall contained the actual players and they talked to me individually and in a group. I spent hours in my room conversing with that team photo. I also called a late night sports talk show every night, repeatedly from 11 pm til 3 am. The host knew I was a child so he humored me. Eventually my delusions spilled out on the air and he refused to take my calls. He asked me if my parents knew what I was doing. My parents were living their own psychoses. Not much help there.

my first episode came even before I was diagnosed, and honestly, at the time, I had no idea what was going on.

all I remember is that I excused myself from a group of friends (we were having a sort of get together), and made my way out to the road



when ever I talk about my attempts, I always include that one as an actual attempt

but was it?. I don't know. at the time I didn't even know what I was doing (though somehow I did if that makes sense.)

I don't recall a first episode but things got bad from my early teens. I think I spent a lot of time mixed (depressed, extremely agitated, suicidal, impulsive, reckless etc.), and some shorter times hypomanic. My first manic episode was when I was 22. No one knew what to do with me and being 1998 very little information or support was available anyway, although my best friend did try to take me to hospital. I refused. What could she do?

Looking back my T and I have traced it back to age 6 , dealing with anorexia by age 9 ... not diagnosed until 43 I spent decades somehow riding out horrible depressions and ugly mixed crap .

I was treated once for depression and looking back all Zoloft did was keep me Manic and not the omg I love it , the world is shiney and glorious... I had lots of rage-y times.

But somehow I was able to work, spent over a year working 3 Jobs.

I raised a child she’s going to be 27 this year. She was diagnosed Bipolar 3 months after I got my label.

I had one of those “ uncles” when I was very young. I have lots of ptsd crap that I will just have to deal with the rest of my life.

But hey I’m still here upright

I was depressed, then put on Paxil, then I got pregnant and had a baby, and six months later went manic....so I was diagnosed bipolar after the manic episode but am not sure it was my first episode.