Relationships

I suck at being a friend. I always thought I was a good friend but I clearly suck at it. A friend has said when I'm manic I'm and I quote "demanding, pushy, paranoid" all cause I said my friends don't speak to me. She says when I'm manic I'm a different person. She says I expect answers and replies straight away. I don't understand? I just don't understand where I'm going wrong.

I've literally lost 5 friends and I have no-one else other than family

This is likely a huge topic for many people. All I'll write is that my bipolar behavior could attract friends (especially male love interests) easily. It lost me a lot of friends. It sometimes turned off possible friends. It made me isolate to an extreme, at times.

My baseline personality was/is that of an enthusiastic, passionate, and sociable person, with a healthy self-esteem, but as mentioned, isolation was intermittent due to episodes or regrets. I can be a perfectionist and driven, type A personality. Hypomanias/manias could make me the "star of the show", appealing or off-putting, and could sometimes include occasional anger/fury. The latter could get scary, at times.

I care a lot about people, but many rejections, and even fear of myself, have sometimes caused me to have a glass wall between myself and others. Self protection. I can seem very outgoing, but not always easy to know on a deeper level. Especially women. Not as much men.

Though once I love, I love forever. I do not hold grudges. I don't tend to hate. Hate makes me sad. That's just my way. I forgive easily. Some people forgive my behavior easily. Some don't. It's a sad reality and was one I grappled with as my idealism of youth was challenged. I rarely have fights with people. My husband and I have barely fought in all of our 23+ years together.

When I have anger, it was/is rarely focused on people. More on situations and my own inner struggles.

The only thing you may possibly be doing "wrong" is not getting help soon enough when these things start. Other than that I have no friends so I can't help.

I'm raging at them all but as always I just say "its fine" and apologise like mad. I just want people to talk to but I have no-one. I talk to all these men....cause I'm lonely

I experience the same in my manic states.

It is best not to have any expectations of others.
Let them do wtf they want and you do the same.
Get down off the mania as quickly as you can.
It might be best to avoid people until then.

Good Luck!

I don't believe you're a bad friend at all, Miss Laura! It IS NOT YOUR FAULT if Bipolar makes you feel that way Just try to take care of yourself the best way you can, ok? That's ALL one can ask, although I understand losing friends must be VERY, VERY PAINFUL! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Just take GREAT care of yourself, ok? I understand it's hard! We'lle be here for you if you need ANY KIND OF HELP AND SUPPORT and we'll NEVER ABANDON YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! THAT'S A PROMISE! WE'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how things are going for you, ok? WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many hugs to you, Miss Laura!

I tend to tell people things that I never would otherwise when manic.

Apologizing for bipolar behavior is probably something we've all done (sincerely and reluctantly) many times. Sometimes it feels unfair to have to apologize for being sick. Unfortunately, it's something that must be done on occasion, because people don't fully understand.

Bipolar disorder is generally disruptive to relationships so you are not alone there at all. I have lost friends because of my behavior when manic or because I isolate so much otherwise.

I don't expect people to understand. Why should they?

You are not alone. It is not your fault. You didn't choose this. I understand how hard it can be.

When I'm at my worst during mania, I get paranoid and impatient. Or I make a fool out of myself when I'm impulsive. It makes me feel like I'm a bad friend. During hypomania, I am most likely to attract friends, but maintaining friendships is hard. I get depressed and just want to isolate. In fact, I'll isolate for a very long time and stop keeping up with friends. A few people who understand will stick around to a point, but many friends have moved on. Past pain related to damaged relationships have led me to put up walls, and it's something I'm battling with now. There are old friends and ex's who I used to wish understood, but it makes no difference in the end. It is what it is. This makes me feel so empty and incapable of being who I want to be, if that makes sense

I’m not great with friends either. I’m introverted and shy by nature, plus I also have agoraphobia. Even when manic I’m more ripping into projects at home than tearing up the town. All my friends are online now.

Are people happy where ever you go or whenever you go?- Seen on a chiropractor's sign

When we are only concerned for ourselves and think about our own needs, we will not be a friend no matter what our mood or mental state is.

If we think about others and how we can give of ourselves to them, we become a friend.

So I'm still raging as no matter what I do (talk, give space, wait to be contacted) I can't do anything right. My friend was pregnant and was due 22nd May. I messaged a mutual friend as I didnt want to annoy my pregnant friend she will have enough to think about. I contacted the mutual friend on 30th and she read message but didnt respond. Then on the 3rd June I saw my friend in town with a baby. I was raging so I didnt talk to her and have been stewing nicely here. I spoke to my worker who said contact her. So i did. She gave birth on 27th May. I'm not being funny but surely our mutual friend who knows could of told me on behalf of our friend. Its made me realise I'm not a friend but an acquaintance to them both. I have no friends left grrr!