advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Miss Laura
Elder
 
Miss Laura's Avatar
Miss Laura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,241
15 yr Member
85 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2019 at 05:46 PM
  #1
I'm sad as I don't have purpose in life anymore. I use to now though I don't. I ruin everything. I'm this Jekyll and Hyde person Laura 1 is this happy go lucky character, Laura 2 is this miserable sod who is really upset with herself for no apparent reason, Laura 3 is this normal person on the outside but on the inside is screaming and Laura 4 hyper twat that just wants to talk but no-one is willing to listen.

Over the last month I have been told by a friend I'm these 3 things (demanding, overbearing and expect answers straight away kind of person) gee thanks. My 2 ordinary friends 1 just had a baby so we will leave her to the side the other ignores me. The one who had a baby "forgot" to tell me she had a baby. I mean if she classed me as a friend then I would of been told right? I found out cause I saw her in town. I'm raging and upset but as usual I'll smile nicely as that's me.

I've no motivation to do anything for myself my flat is a tip. Its actually a bin if I'm honest. I mean how can i live so much in a dirty environment. Its beyond me.

I am coming out a 4 week med non-compliance induced mania. Itd my own stupid fault but i didn't want to feel like this. I wanted to be happy. I'm back on meds been 3 weeks on them. I had psychosis etc. It was fun not.

My therapist says I use humour a lot so I do apologise if it's all fun here when it actually isn't.

I hurt myself and I think of dying a lot but worry what people would think of me. No-one know's. My support team just think I'm fine.
Miss Laura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AspiringAuthor, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Wander, xRavenx

advertisement
Victoria'smom
Legendary
 
Victoria'smom's Avatar
Victoria'smom has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 14,880 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
5,415 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2019 at 07:05 PM
  #2
You need to tell your support team as soon as you can. I'm right with you including 3 weeks back on meds (psychosis no mania). I don't have friends though just my SO. Keep talking here and keep yourself safe.

__________________
Dx:
Me- SzA
Husband- Bipolar 1
Daughter- mood disorder+


Comfortable broken and happy

"So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk
My blog
Victoria'smom is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
GoldenSnitch
Veteran Member
 
GoldenSnitch's Avatar
GoldenSnitch has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 577
8 yr Member
21 hugs
given
Default Jun 09, 2019 at 08:53 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Laura View Post
I'm sad as I don't have purpose in life anymore. I use to now though I don't. I ruin everything. I'm this Jekyll and Hyde person Laura 1 is this happy go lucky character, Laura 2 is this miserable sod who is really upset with herself for no apparent reason, Laura 3 is this normal person on the outside but on the inside is screaming and Laura 4 hyper twat that just wants to talk but no-one is willing to listen.

Over the last month I have been told by a friend I'm these 3 things (demanding, overbearing and expect answers straight away kind of person) gee thanks. My 2 ordinary friends 1 just had a baby so we will leave her to the side the other ignores me. The one who had a baby "forgot" to tell me she had a baby. I mean if she classed me as a friend then I would of been told right? I found out cause I saw her in town. I'm raging and upset but as usual I'll smile nicely as that's me.

I've no motivation to do anything for myself my flat is a tip. Its actually a bin if I'm honest. I mean how can i live so much in a dirty environment. Its beyond me.

I am coming out a 4 week med non-compliance induced mania. Itd my own stupid fault but i didn't want to feel like this. I wanted to be happy. I'm back on meds been 3 weeks on them. I had psychosis etc. It was fun not.

My therapist says I use humour a lot so I do apologise if it's all fun here when it actually isn't.

I hurt myself and I think of dying a lot but worry what people would think of me. No-one know's. My support team just think I'm fine.


It really sounds like you are depressed right now. Are you able to see your doc in the next day or so? If not maybe head to the ER. Nobody wants you to hurt yourself.

I think a lot of us can relate to feeling like there are multiple versions of ourselves and it sucks. It also sucks that your friends are being sh*tty. I’d end the relationship if a so called friend didn’t tell me that she had a baby. But I tend to push people away.

We are always here for you at the forum. I hope that you get back to feeling better soon. Big hugs
GoldenSnitch is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura, Phoenix_1
Miss Laura
Elder
 
Miss Laura's Avatar
Miss Laura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,241
15 yr Member
85 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2019 at 09:11 AM
  #4
Thanks guys, I feel better after my sleep. Although not 100%. I haven't felt like this in like 7 years. I tend to be more manic than depressed.... suicidal thoughts just haven't been in life for a long time.
Miss Laura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Wander
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
downandlonely
Legendary
 
downandlonely's Avatar
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2019 at 09:14 AM
  #5
I would tell your support team how you're feeling. They can't help you if they think you're fine.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
Wander
Grand Magnate
 
Wander's Avatar
Wander exists in a dualistic state...
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
8 yr Member
2,611 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2019 at 09:24 PM
  #6
I agree with the others. Be totally honest with your support team, and go to ER before harming yourself. Depression often hits after mania, and it can be very rough. Still, it will pass and hopefully you will land back in the middle safely.

Your friends seem to be treating you poorly at best. You are worth more than that. Hang in their. Circumstances change all the time. Often for the better.

__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features
PTSD




"Phew! For a minute there I lost myself."

'Karma Police' by Radiohead
Wander is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
bizi, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura, Phoenix_1
~Christina
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
 
~Christina's Avatar
~Christina has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
12.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 09, 2019 at 11:32 PM
  #7
Glad you got some rest, that always helps things. One thing I will say is it’s hard for us to realize in the midst of a shytshow that we have been in this lousy place before and we muddled through. Our brains often blur out the bad stuff , which is a blessing.

Stay safe

__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
~Christina is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
bizi, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
Miss Laura
Elder
 
Miss Laura's Avatar
Miss Laura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,241
15 yr Member
85 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 10, 2019 at 12:40 PM
  #8
I went out with a friend today well o say friend loosely. She knows what's been going on and she says I'm happy and seem to be in a good mood. WTF!!! After all I have told her??? I have to be, to live in society I can't be miserable constantly. For the love of God I give up. I had to be the usual me today as I was volunteering this morning I'm interacting with people who have mental health problems. There was a positive I saw my old Psychologist from 3/4 years ago she didn't see me but I saw her
Miss Laura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Innerzone
Wise Elder
 
Innerzone's Avatar
Innerzone FML
 
Member Since: Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
10 yr Member
31.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 10, 2019 at 09:07 PM
  #9
Miss Laura
I hope things start to look up soon...

__________________
*********
Mr. Robot
Feeling sad
Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.
--The Cure
Innerzone is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
xRavenx
Magnate
 
xRavenx's Avatar
xRavenx has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: U.S.
Posts: 2,570
5 yr Member
8,123 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 10, 2019 at 09:10 PM
  #10
(((Hugs Miss Laura))) I hope you find relief soon.

__________________
Bipolar 1 Disorder, Unspecified Anxiety Disorder
xRavenx is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
bizi
Bizi is bizi
 
bizi's Avatar
bizi happines is a decision
 
Member Since: Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,830
15 yr Member
43.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Red face Jun 14, 2019 at 06:48 AM
  #11
How is it going for you?
bizi
((((HUGS))))

__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





bizi is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Miss Laura
Elder
 
Miss Laura's Avatar
Miss Laura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,241
15 yr Member
85 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 14, 2019 at 10:41 AM
  #12
Hey thanks for asking.... I'm still the same. I'm kinda feeling worse. But am pretending it's all ok. I saw my therapist yesterday and ended up crying in front of her grrr. I'm physically and mentally in pain.

But cheery me just gets on with it :-)
Miss Laura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous46341, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
Miss Laura
Elder
 
Miss Laura's Avatar
Miss Laura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,241
15 yr Member
85 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 14, 2019 at 06:37 PM
  #13
On Thursday night.... a guy from the bipolar group I attend came on to me. I'm totally flatter but he had just broke up with his girlfriend of over 2 years, he had been drinking and was manic.... great combo huh. He was so sweet to me then today came and he said we should just be friends. Tbh I'm crushed I really thought this is it I have found someone who understands me. Then he says this. He says he's really embarrassed about what he had said etc very apologetic. If he had caught me a month ago when I was manic it could of been different. I'm gutted.
Miss Laura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
~Christina
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
 
~Christina's Avatar
~Christina has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
12.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 15, 2019 at 01:14 AM
  #14
I’m sorry about the guy. But he really did you a favor altho right now it’s hard to see and it hurts. He just got out of a long term relationship and he was manic. It probably would have been destructive right now. It’s good that he wants to be friends.... you talked about needing a friend in real life and he will really understand what your going through. Birds of a feather ya know.

Keep treading water , things are going to get better sooner rather than later. It’s hard to see a bit of light in the midst of a episode.

Many ‘s

__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
~Christina is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
Miss Laura
Elder
 
Miss Laura's Avatar
Miss Laura has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,241
15 yr Member
85 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 01:56 PM
  #15
Today I saw my Nurse she has informed me that she spoke to my Psychiatrist and they can't give me the injection for the Depakote as there is no such thing despite them telling me. Only the Aripiprazole is on injection and since I'm on 1,500mg of Depakote there is no point. He said he would see me about the meds when he see's me in October. Gee thanks. So I'm back to square 1 regarding trying to master my meds grr!
Miss Laura is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
fern46, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 18, 2019 at 02:06 PM
  #16
Don't give up hope, Miss Laura! Hang in there! I'm sure things will get better for you at some point! I'M SURE OF THAT! Please NEVER give up hope! Things CAN and WILL get better at some point! Keep fighting! You just need to keep fighting! Keep it up! You're STRONG! You know that! Please take GREAT care of yourself! I'm so sorry you don't have many people supporting you but WE'RE HERE FOR YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Keep fighting! You're STRONG and you know that! Wish you the BEST of luck in your healing and in your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Miss Laura!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Miss Laura
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:19 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.