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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
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#1
I'm sad as I don't have purpose in life anymore. I use to now though I don't. I ruin everything. I'm this Jekyll and Hyde person Laura 1 is this happy go lucky character, Laura 2 is this miserable sod who is really upset with herself for no apparent reason, Laura 3 is this normal person on the outside but on the inside is screaming and Laura 4 hyper twat that just wants to talk but no-one is willing to listen.
Over the last month I have been told by a friend I'm these 3 things (demanding, overbearing and expect answers straight away kind of person) gee thanks. My 2 ordinary friends 1 just had a baby so we will leave her to the side the other ignores me. The one who had a baby "forgot" to tell me she had a baby. I mean if she classed me as a friend then I would of been told right? I found out cause I saw her in town. I'm raging and upset but as usual I'll smile nicely as that's me. I've no motivation to do anything for myself my flat is a tip. Its actually a bin if I'm honest. I mean how can i live so much in a dirty environment. Its beyond me. I am coming out a 4 week med non-compliance induced mania. Itd my own stupid fault but i didn't want to feel like this. I wanted to be happy. I'm back on meds been 3 weeks on them. I had psychosis etc. It was fun not. My therapist says I use humour a lot so I do apologise if it's all fun here when it actually isn't. I hurt myself and I think of dying a lot but worry what people would think of me. No-one know's. My support team just think I'm fine. |
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AspiringAuthor, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Wander, xRavenx
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#2
You need to tell your support team as soon as you can. I'm right with you including 3 weeks back on meds (psychosis no mania). I don't have friends though just my SO. Keep talking here and keep yourself safe.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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bizi, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
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Veteran Member
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 577
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#3
Quote:
It really sounds like you are depressed right now. Are you able to see your doc in the next day or so? If not maybe head to the ER. Nobody wants you to hurt yourself. I think a lot of us can relate to feeling like there are multiple versions of ourselves and it sucks. It also sucks that your friends are being sh*tty. I’d end the relationship if a so called friend didn’t tell me that she had a baby. But I tend to push people away. We are always here for you at the forum. I hope that you get back to feeling better soon. Big hugs |
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bizi, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura, Phoenix_1
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
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#4
Thanks guys, I feel better after my sleep. Although not 100%. I haven't felt like this in like 7 years. I tend to be more manic than depressed.... suicidal thoughts just haven't been in life for a long time.
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bizi, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Wander
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MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
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#5
I would tell your support team how you're feeling. They can't help you if they think you're fine.
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bizi, MickeyCheeky
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Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
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#6
I agree with the others. Be totally honest with your support team, and go to ER before harming yourself. Depression often hits after mania, and it can be very rough. Still, it will pass and hopefully you will land back in the middle safely.
Your friends seem to be treating you poorly at best. You are worth more than that. Hang in their. Circumstances change all the time. Often for the better. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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MickeyCheeky
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bizi, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura, Phoenix_1
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
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#7
Glad you got some rest, that always helps things. One thing I will say is it’s hard for us to realize in the midst of a shytshow that we have been in this lousy place before and we muddled through. Our brains often blur out the bad stuff , which is a blessing.
Stay safe __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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MickeyCheeky
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bizi, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#8
I went out with a friend today well o say friend loosely. She knows what's been going on and she says I'm happy and seem to be in a good mood. WTF!!! After all I have told her??? I have to be, to live in society I can't be miserable constantly. For the love of God I give up. I had to be the usual me today as I was volunteering this morning I'm interacting with people who have mental health problems. There was a positive I saw my old Psychologist from 3/4 years ago she didn't see me but I saw her
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bizi, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: NW US
Posts: 9,383
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#9
Miss Laura
I hope things start to look up soon... __________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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bizi, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: U.S.
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#10
(((Hugs Miss Laura))) I hope you find relief soon.
__________________ Bipolar 1 Disorder, Unspecified Anxiety Disorder |
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bizi, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,851
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#11
How is it going for you?
bizi ((((HUGS)))) __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
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#12
Hey thanks for asking.... I'm still the same. I'm kinda feeling worse. But am pretending it's all ok. I saw my therapist yesterday and ended up crying in front of her grrr. I'm physically and mentally in pain.
But cheery me just gets on with it :-) |
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Anonymous46341, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#13
On Thursday night.... a guy from the bipolar group I attend came on to me. I'm totally flatter but he had just broke up with his girlfriend of over 2 years, he had been drinking and was manic.... great combo huh. He was so sweet to me then today came and he said we should just be friends. Tbh I'm crushed I really thought this is it I have found someone who understands me. Then he says this. He says he's really embarrassed about what he had said etc very apologetic. If he had caught me a month ago when I was manic it could of been different. I'm gutted.
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Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
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#14
I’m sorry about the guy. But he really did you a favor altho right now it’s hard to see and it hurts. He just got out of a long term relationship and he was manic. It probably would have been destructive right now. It’s good that he wants to be friends.... you talked about needing a friend in real life and he will really understand what your going through. Birds of a feather ya know.
Keep treading water , things are going to get better sooner rather than later. It’s hard to see a bit of light in the midst of a episode. Many ‘s __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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MickeyCheeky
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Innerzone, MickeyCheeky, Miss Laura
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,247
15 85 hugs
given |
#15
Today I saw my Nurse she has informed me that she spoke to my Psychiatrist and they can't give me the injection for the Depakote as there is no such thing despite them telling me. Only the Aripiprazole is on injection and since I'm on 1,500mg of Depakote there is no point. He said he would see me about the meds when he see's me in October. Gee thanks. So I'm back to square 1 regarding trying to master my meds grr!
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fern46, Innerzone, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#16
Don't give up hope, Miss Laura! Hang in there! I'm sure things will get better for you at some point! I'M SURE OF THAT! Please NEVER give up hope! Things CAN and WILL get better at some point! Keep fighting! You just need to keep fighting! Keep it up! You're STRONG! You know that! Please take GREAT care of yourself! I'm so sorry you don't have many people supporting you but WE'RE HERE FOR YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Keep fighting! You're STRONG and you know that! Wish you the BEST of luck in your healing and in your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Miss Laura!
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Miss Laura
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