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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 03:36 AM
  #1
I have a pretty serious mood disorder. Usually it's been labeled "dysthymia" and even "major depressive disorder." Once, after knowing me for a few years, this one pdoc said I was probably bipolar. I've been given "mood stabilizing" drugs, none of which did any good. (Lamictal, Seroquel and others.)

I'm having frequent, severe mood swings. I used to get hypomanic quite often, and could accomplish a lot when I did. I also have episodes of irritability that are serious. That seems to be what finally got that one pdoc to call me bipolar. I wonder if getting diagnosed as bipolar would do me any good, or lead to more effective treatment?

I'm becoming a wreck. For years, I'm on a tricyclic - amitriptyline - that did help me sleep better and get through depressive episodes quicker. But I'm still in and out of being a wreck. When I'm not in a depressive episode, I can feel about as good as any well person - very upbeat. But, lately, I can't sustain feeling okay for 3 consecutive days. This severe mood swinging is getting worse to where life hardly seems worth the trouble.

I think I disguise it fairly well around most people. But at home, with my S.O., it's on full display. He keeps saying, "What's wrong with you?" I had thought that was just a figure of speech he used when we were feuding. But now I think he means it literally. I see a pdoc next month. I hate to risk telling the pdoc that I may be more disturbed than I've conveyed to him. I don't trust doctors at all. I've had some bad experiences with psychiatrists.

So here I am in the bipolar forum, asking if getting diagnosed as bipolar led to you being able to improve your life? Any answers will be appreciated.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 04:07 AM
  #2
It’s really not about a “ label” it’s about treating the symptoms that are making life a bigger struggle than need be.

Just be honest with your Pdoc about how your feeling.

It’s pretty much a given that you will discuss taking a medication. Just start with one so you can monitor if your having any side effects. I only mention that because a few people recently have gotten put on 2 or more meds at once right off the bat.

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 05:01 AM
  #3
Welcome to the BP board. Would you be against taking your SO to the dr with you? it may be easier for them to explain your mood swings then you. Start off with telling the dr you have mood swings and go from there. Maybe practice saying it out loud. Often the only one that knows is my husband usually the board here before him. I'm a good faker. Most of the time he wouldn't know unless I told him. T always asks but does H notice. Do you have a T or just a pdoc? For a lot of people anti-depressants make mood swings worse. Remember to ask about mono therapy drugs. Most people take a while to find the drug/drugs for them.

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 12:13 PM
  #4
My S.O. is terminally ill and has some dementia, so taking him is a non-starter. Otherwise I would. I don't have a T. I spent years seeing Ts. It got repetitive. My pdoc has only seen me twice. That was so I could get some Ritalin. I haven't been on that for months.

I don't care about labels. I just wish I could be less of a mess. Years ago pdocs said to me things like "I don't have a magic formula to solve your problems." This pdoc told me to get aerobic exercise. I'm sure that's a good suggestion, but I don't think the pdoc realizes how messed up I am.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 12:34 PM
  #5
I think a lot of people don't find a magic formula, although meds can be very helpful especially with bipolar is my understanding. Do you think your therapists were helpful at all? If not, maybe it was the type of therapy or therapist? I had a couple of therapists that I found were just not a good fit and the type of therapy was not helpful. In fact, I was like what is the point of this? Now I feel more hopeful with the right therapist.
The diagnosis for me was not that helpful in and of itself, although I do know that I cannot handle antidepressants now and I did learn to pay attention to my moods which has been helpful. I am not on medication, but will reconsider it if it gets too difficult without it for me. I hope you find a treatment that helps and am sorry you are struggling so much!
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 12:38 PM
  #6
I would write down your symptoms and any questions you have so you don't forget anything.

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 04:06 PM
  #7
I was thinking I should keep a log with brief, to-the-point entries. I believe I seem more alright than I am, which I think leads pdocs to underestimate how serious a problem I have. On the other hand, I'm afraid to give pdocs a lot of information. I've had a few really bad experiences with pdocs who got real judgemental. When I was in a partial hospitalization program, I was advised by peers to not be too open with pdocs and therapists. At the time I was very trusting and put everything on the table like an open book. Looking back, I would say I have been emotionally abused by some mental health professionals. It can happen, believe it or not.
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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 04:50 PM
  #8
Rose, I was taking amitriptyline for sleep and it backfired. Same for Trazodone. There are a whole lot of sleep medicines that are not anti-depressants. You need to assume a "consumer rights" attitude with a pdoc - do you know what I mean?

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Default Jun 09, 2019 at 05:19 PM
  #9
I try to be as open as possible which is really hard. If your being abused you have to find a new support team. There are therapist that just aren't trained for complex issues. I'm still looking for my therapist that semi-fits (3+ years). Now the T's I've have helped track my mood swings and noted things for my pdoc but actually help very little but I only see them every 3 weeks or so. Anyway try to say everything. Try to get into a therapist that shares notes with your pdoc.

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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 02:40 AM
  #10
I think keeping a mood chart is a good start. I use to track my sleep and just my overall mood, up down or irritated , angry etc ....Old school on paper and after a while my T and I watching it we I could see a pattern start to show.

I have a great T for 8 years now but I moved back to Florida for a year and all that I saw were just a useless joke so I gave up. We moved back sooner than expected thankfully.

Im back with my old T. Him and I are both goal oriented and see a problem and work on it to fix or resolve. Of course with Bipolar I have recurring issues with self esteem , self worth and self loathing. So we focus on what I need at any given time.

I know you have enormous stress in your life and have been for a long time , you has stuck by your guy much longer than most people would have. Maybe work with a T about coping when he does pass on .. start building a big tool box of coping skills and hopefully they will help you across the board.

I’m so grateful for finding PC Years ago, its literally been a lifesaver. But I know I need someone I can be face to face with and say anything I need to say and there be no judgement.


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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 05:49 AM
  #11
If you think you are bipolar, please be careful with antidepressants. They can push you into hypomania. I take the lowest dose of one to keep from dropping below center, but I may drop it and try two stabilizers instead.
You are under so much stress that it is going to be harder to stabilize you. I do a much less challenging caregiving function, but because the “patient” is so uncooperative(wants to push everything under the rug so I’m stuck with all the research and decision making) it takes my focus off things I need to do for myself.
Psychiatric meds are not, as you know, magic bullets that can make up for a lifestyle that is too taxing for people with bipolar tendencies. Getting the proper meds will help, however, but I find I have to tell the pdocs what to do and yes, that’s pretty scary. Under many insurances they get 15 minutes for most sessions, so no wonder. You can ask for a longer session if its not just for refills, but you may have to be very firm with them. You are probably insisting on things handling medical people for your bf, and its a lot on top of that.
Caregiving is hard for anyone, but you and I have mental health challenges. We have to be creative with ways of stepping away and getting help with their care. We both appear to have some co-dependency challenges. It seems easier to jump in and help them, but we pay for that in the long run running ourselves down. I know how complicated it is, Moreso for you. We’re all here for you!

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Default Jun 10, 2019 at 11:43 AM
  #12
Thanks for the understanding, everyone.
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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 05:20 PM
  #13
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and GAD in 1987. I took a tricyclic (imipramine) with clonazepam and a very small dose of nozinan (5 mg) for 7 years. I was hypomanic but very functional. Too functional. I had 4 businesses that went nowhere. I also had a full time job and was offered a big promotion. I had to turn it down, because we moved home to look after aging and ill parents. After we moved home, I was put on SSRI'S. 26 years after my diagnoses of MDD and GAD, in 2013, at the age of 59, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. That diagnosis explained my entire life. I now take a mood stabilizer, an atypical antipsychotic, Klonopin, and Buspar.
Keep a journal. Take your husband to the doctor with you. I always take my boyfriend because he knows my moods better than I do. Ask questions. Keep looking for answers. You may not be bipolar, but if you are, you need to know and get proper treatment.

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Default Jun 11, 2019 at 09:44 PM
  #14
Thanks, Phoenix. I see parallels in our histories.

I can't imagine ever giving up amitriptyline. It so dramatically changed how I feel (physically, as well as emotionally) and sleep. But I have read that it is contraindicated for persons with tendency toward mania. I'm wondering if it was hard for you to stop taking imipramine.

The one pdoc who thought I was bipolar seemed to base that on my having an episode of intense irritability that he got the benefit of. (He was minimizing a tough problem I had, and I got very upset.) I do seem to get upset beyond reason at times. It's like I can't regulate my emotional responses to certain types of stressors.

The other thing I wonder about is whether pdocs pick a diagnosis based on how the doctor feels emotionally about the patient. I have other experiences that lead me to think that pdocs are not very objective, but greatly influenced by how docile the patient is, or isn't, toward the doctor's own sense of authority.
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Default Jun 12, 2019 at 01:26 PM
  #15
Rose 76,

I see parallels too.

I don't remember any withdrawal going off imipramine. It was in 1994, so I've just plain forgotten. I had just moved back home, and my new Pdoc was very enthusiastic about the new SSRI'S. I saw him every 2 weeks, and he changed my SSRI'S every appointment. I felt like a lab rat being experimented on. I actually was his experiment. I was depressed because of having to move, and leaving all my friends and a really good job behind, but the pills didn't do much. I missed the imipramine because the hypomania felt so good. I was on SSRI'S until 2017, with disastrous results. I could not hold a job and in 2013 I went on disability.

I also feel that Pdocs prescribe according to your mood when you see them, and how they feel about you. My current Pdoc seems to think I'm a helpless old lady. He only treats geriatric patients over 60 tears old. I'm 65. I was hypomanic in July 2017, and my Pdoc put me on Seroquel 300 XRT, plus 100 mg of regular Seroquel at bedtime. What followed was 20 months of feeling nothing. I believe the dose was too high, and it made me feel like a zombie. In April he put me on Abilify but I had to stop due to hypomania and compulsive behaviour like online shopping. Now he's trying Risperdal, and once again I feel like a Guinea pig or lab rat. Hope the Risperdal works. There's no magic formula for pills to make you better. It's trial and error. There are only a few mood stabilizers and atypical antipsychotics in use for BP, and they all have lots of side effects.

A diagnosis of bipolar means you have had at least 1 manic or hypomanic episode that lasts at least 7 days. Most people don't report mania because it can feel so good, unless psychosis puts you in the hospital. Hypomania doesn't have psychosis. I just thought I was extra happy and productive. Depression is a given, which is why I was not diagnosed with BP2 until I was 59.

Now when I have an appointment and I'm feeling bad, I take my boyfriend with me to see my Pdoc. He knows my moods better than I do and he's not afraid of arguing with the Pdoc. I am, most of the time. When I'm not hypomanic I'm quite timid.

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Default Jun 13, 2019 at 07:37 AM
  #16
Thanks, Phoenix 1. I never had hypomania last more than a day or two. It always felt very good, unless it involved irritability. I'm glad you have some sport of a handle on it

I seem to be at the mercy of changing moods.
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Default Jun 14, 2019 at 08:46 AM
  #17
hi. sorry about all this. ive had rough experiences with mental health 'professionals,' too. its kind of...damned if you do, damned if you don't.

diagnosis isn't as big a deal as getting psych drugs that help you deal with your life, not feel miserable 24/7, and--this is a big one--the pills should, ideally, be easy to tolerate and -safe-. -safety- is a big concern whenever one is introducing foreign substances into the body, and psych docs are often...slack. slack, and that's being generous. so, its a very good idea to look out for your own well being, because many psych docs...whip out the Rx pad, collect their fee, they're finished, done, that's it.

i think severe depression is sometimes called various forms of bipolar, these days. its like...way back when, the criteria for diagnosing depression was more stringent, so a lot of people on meds now would have been urged to do something non-drug to deal with their problems, back in the day. and a lot of what was considered 'depression' back then is labeled as something more severe, now, because everybody and their mama is 'in treatment' and/or 'on meds.' and so...

in terms of treatment, id personally recommend -avoiding- the tranquilizers/antipsychotics, if you can. i don't quite get their popularity in depression and milder bipolar, but...its heavy artillery. lamictal is good to a lot of people with severe depression that comes back and/or never fully goes away, even if they don't meet the criteria for a bipolar spectrum disorder. benzodiazepines....are a mixed bag, on a good day. xanax, in particular, was once popular in some forms of anxious depression, but its hard to taper, especially above 4mgs/day or so. i would personally -not- recommend long term benzodiazepine consumption, just because...it can be hell to taper.

stimulants can help. ritalin was once marketed (to doctors) as a fast acting alternative to the tricyclics or maois, for milder cases of depression or to boost other treatments. adderall, dexedrine...the actual amphetamines...mixed bag, from my experience. they can lift mood and help in that regard, but the crash can be rough and they seemed (to me) harder on the body, somehow. modafanil and NuVigil are newer, expen$ive options that help some people. insurance coverage can be tricky.

ok. im just throwing out ideas based on my own personal experiences and what ive seen in acquaintances. as the saying goes...'your mileage may vary,' etc. I am sorry you're going thru it. :-(
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