Contemplating my mortality from lung cancer

I put a TW in case anyone might be triggered by thoughts on my chances of dying an early death from lung cancer. I am still waiting on a phone call to tell me my results from an annual ct scan.

I had posted earlier that my scan hadn't been read when I went to see my oncologist on Tuesday to get the results. Now I am waiting for my onc to call me. Which means I have taken all the spam phone calls and answered them.

There's been two this morning speaking Chinese. My friend has not contacted me in the meantime to find out about my results either. She has gone completely silent. Maybe it is for the best. I am getting the message that she doesn't care if I live or die.

My onc said he would call yesterday or today. Well yesterday didn't happen and if he doesn't call today that means i will make some calls tomorrow to try to reach him. Unfortunately him saying he will call me doesn't mean he actually will, based on prior experience.

My estimate from looking at the survival curves for my stage of lung cancer is that there is a 10-20% chance of bad news at a yearly scan 3.5 years out from surgery. The bad news means I have to deal with cancer again and can start to wonder how many months or possibly years I would have left to live.

So every time the phone rings from a spam phone call, I think it could be my oncologist calling. I usually don't answer the phone unless it is a known contact or states the name of the caller on caller id. I think I will go back to that practise. I'm tired of listening to Chinese this morning.

I hope they call soon.

My mother-in-law and grandfather were both lung cancer survivors. My mother-in-law got it in her mid 60s and they gave her 6 months, but it went into remission for 19 years. My grandfather was only 65 when he passed, but it wasn't lung cancer that took him. His lung cancer was still in remission. Please look at the strong chances of remission. Take care!

I get spam calls all day long, too. I also get some in Chinese, occasionally, but only on my cellphone.

BirdDancer,

Thanks for your reply. I am glad your relatives were long term survivors of lung cancer. That is a rare occurrence.

I have looked in detail at the latest survival probabilities You can look yourself at the link here. The IASLC Lung Cancer Staging Project: External Validation of the Revision of the TNM Stage Groupings in the Eighth Edition of the TNM Classification of Lung Cancer - ScienceDirect
I am Stage 1B looking at Figure 2. That's how i estimated my chance of getting a bad outcome on the scan. Overall survival at 5 years is only about 17% for lung cancer. It has one of the worst survivals of any cancer.

I am still waiting for the phone call and have the sinking feeling I won't hear from my oncologist today either so will be trying to track down the result on the phone tomorrow before the weekend. Otherwise it is on the the next week trying to find out my scan results.

I have lost my appetite and really wish they would call and let me know.

That's terrible to be made to wait that long. Hope everything turns out clear.

I have had to wait two weeks before to get the scan report and results.

The worst part now is that I don't know when I will find out so there is no way to psychologically prepare or brace myself for the news, whatever it is. So I am on a heightened state of anxiety all through the day.

Plus I know that my anxiety over this makes no difference. It is only my problem. And my friend has completely ghosted me since Tuesday, the day of my appointment. I lost several friends through my diagnosis and treatment. I think it is pretty rough on any friendship to go through this cancer thing with another person.

Although my oncologist said he would call me with the scan results on Wednesday or Thursday, these days have passed with no phone call. So tomorrow I will be on the line talking to intake people hoping I can get someone to call me back with the results.

I have been having a hard time waiting for the result. Sometimes it feels overwhelming like I am going to have a panic attack or something, but then it just settles back into a low level anxious waiting for a phone call that never comes.

That's my experience with cancer care in Canada where I live.

I am so sorry you have not gotten your results yet. All this waiting ? I cant imagine.

I hope you can make calls and get your results tomorrow

Thanks Christina, every step of my treatment and follow up has involved agonizing waits.

The main reason I have asked for yearly scans instead of more often is because of the weeks long wait between the scan and getting the results, except this time I have no idea when I will be able to get them. The system is set up so you can't actually call anyone who could answer your question. You have to call a general inquiry line and then hope someone who can answer your question calls you back. So basically by making the phone call I am just in the same position I am in now, hoping and waiting for a phone call and otherwise helpless.

It was almost 4 months from a suspicious xray to surgery (it would typically be 4 weeks in the States) and it was only in the last few weeks that I was told that I qualified for surgery so the rest of the time was spent wondering.

Americans for the most part just have no idea what so many in Canada put up with on a regular basis.

I’m so sorry that things work this way in Canada. I have numerous friends that live there and have to wait for much needed medical care too.

My positive thoughts are with you for a good result.

The waiting sounds brutal.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Yes it is tough, bizi.

I can also try to get it through my gp. Only problem is my gp has switched offices so I am not sure they would have access to my records or be willing to look it up before I would show up for an appointment. I might try to just get a new gp at my old gp's office. I will call them this morning and see if I can do this. I am more comfortable driving there. It is less chaotic, also the parking is easy.

My present gp ordered blood tests for a physical but that involves overnight fasting to get a fasting blood sugar level but I think the whole test otherwise can be done without fasting and the doc can substitute H1C for fasting glucose and then i won't have to fast.

It may seem like a small thing but having to get up and drive in the morning without coffee to have someone stick a needle in me has just been too much to contemplate and I haven't done it.

I did do the bloodwork my oncologist had given me a requisition for last year. He asked me to do it so I did go in for that one day I was getting warranty work on my Honda CRV. There were two warranty issues that needed to be fixed, one was a replacement of a previous warranty replacement. The previous replacement itself was defective.

I need to find something else to focus on besides my scan results. I keep telling myself that it is what it is and thinking about it is not going to change the result from good to bad or bad to good.

I've seen it written on other threads that hyperfocusing in bipolar is a 'thing', although this kind of symptom is usually associated with adhd. I think I was hyperfocusing on the results of my scan.

I'll try to break that up today with thoughts about other things. I was happy for Canada that the Raptors won yesterday.

I've developed a significant tremor again particularly in my left hand so may have to go down to 0.5 on the Rexulti and see how I feel on that.

Other people have written here on exchanging physical health for mental health. My goal is just to not spend time in the hospital (for either reasons or both) and be able to take care of myself. If my tremor gets too bad someone will have to be paid to take care of me. I might end up in a care facility if I can't manage at home. Well, that is how I look at things. I know my son loves me but I wouldn't ask him to take on that burden. He works long hours and then has now a chance to enjoy his life with his friends and a new girlfriend.

I called my old gp office and they are taking new patients so I switched. The lady was able to look up and see my ct scan in the electronic provincial health files so I have an appointment at 1:30 today to pick up the scan results. I am happy not to be waiting for another day on a phone call.

I didn't make it sooner because I need to eat something and take a shower to go in so I look and feel presentable.

Oh good, that sounds better. I like that your old GP worked with you on this, that's positive news. Finally!

Yes they were very helpful at my old gp office and I got a clear scan! Yay. I get another year before I have to go back to see my oncologist now.

YEA on the clear scan!! I am so happy for you!!

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

Congrats! That is amazing news. Rest easy tonight. Or celebrate!

Woohoo! A clear scan!

Thanks Moose72, fern46, and InnerZone for your happy wishes. It is such a relief! I can exhale...

I'll be seeing my son this evening for dinner to celebrate. It is so nice to have this yearly trial over with and get a good result. My friend even got in touch with me today and asked about my scans. That was a pleasant surprise.