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Help Jun 16, 2019 at 01:20 PM
  #1
Most of the time I feel good, motivated and full of energy to live.

But for 1-5 days once in 1 - 3 weeks, I'm feel extremely depressed, so much that I'm always wrapped in suicidal thoughts these times. I had 3 attempts to end my life. I'm crying and the emotional pain is nearly agonizing, and it lasts in non-stop mode for all these times. I call it "depressive episodes".

But, I also have hypomanic episodes. At least, I call them so. They occur once in 1 - 3 weeks, and last for 6 - 18 hours. My thought process is speeding up like 1,5x, I feel really high, so high that sometimes I just lie in my bed and I can't concentrate on anything except this feeling. After few hours of this "high" feeling, it becomes annoying, I'd be glad to get rid of it, but I can't. I can't sleep when I'm in hypomania, so I also suffer from this.

But I believe that happens because of antidepressants, because before taking them, I haven't experienced so "high" hypomanic episodes, just good feeling of extra motivation.

I'm currently taking:

- Ziprasidone 40mg per day
- Fluvoxamine 150mg per day
- Valproic acid 300mg per day.

After starting taking valporate, I feel much better, but I can't increase the dose, because it causes nausea and vomiting. I also tried Carbamazepine, but it causes the same effect.

I've tried 5 different psychiatrists. One said that it's atypical depression, another said that it's schyzotypical personality disorder. Only one doctor said that it might be bipolar, but she's not sure.

Anyway, what's your thoughts on it?

Thanks in advance.
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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 06:53 PM
  #2
Hi KuzMax. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are not able to sleep and having mood swings..

I am not a doctor so I cannot tell you what to do. You seem to feel that after taking the antidepressant you have these high experiences. A friend of mine used to be on antidepressants but their doctor was concerned because of their manic responses. you might want to talk to the doctor that you feel is most tuned into you and tell them of the symptoms you have and your concerns about the antidepressant. Maybe they will reevaluate your meds.

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 08:14 PM
  #3
Some people can be very difficult to diagnose and no one here can do that for you. Also it may take time for a psychiatrist to develop a definitive diagnosis so your best option would be to work with one closely to adjust your meds based on your symptoms and then arrive at a diagnosis one day.

Have you tried getting off antidepressants? Does that make your depressions deeper or longer lasting?

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 09:43 PM
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I was referred to a psychiatrist by my primary doctor about 15 years ago but but before they diagnosed bipolar, the primary said I had pmdd- premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I dont believe in this disorder anyway. But the psychiatrist eventually said I was "bipolar NOS"- "not otherwise specified". Over time, that was changed to "bipolar 1". And all of this was after 18 years of a diagnosis of plain depression.

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Default Jun 16, 2019 at 11:44 PM
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Could be just haven’t found the “ right” combination of meds to level you out so your all over the place.

Could you have Bipolar ? Maybe or it could many other things no one here can diagnose of course.

When was your last physical with full lab work done? Thyroid can be mimic lots of mental illness. Hormonal levels can also play a huge part. Low vitamin D can cause depression. Its best to rule out any physical illness that could be causing problems.

Instead of fishing in the dark for a label just focus on treating the symptoms that make life so hard then a diagnosis can be made.

Some pdocs can take months or longer to make a final diagnosis and you might easily hear differing diagnosis from numerous Doctors its not uncommon. Find one Doctor you like and just give it time.

Trust me you don’t want that label following around unless it’s definite.

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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 07:00 AM
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Could be just haven’t found the “ right” combination of meds to level you out so your all over the place.

Could you have Bipolar ? Maybe or it could many other things no one here can diagnose of course.

When was your last physical with full lab work done? Thyroid can be mimic lots of mental illness. Hormonal levels can also play a huge part. Low vitamin D can cause depression. Its best to rule out any physical illness that could be causing problems.

Instead of fishing in the dark for a label just focus on treating the symptoms that make life so hard then a diagnosis can be made.

Some pdocs can take months or longer to make a final diagnosis and you might easily hear differing diagnosis from numerous Doctors its not uncommon. Find one Doctor you like and just give it time.

Trust me you don’t want that label following around unless it’s definite.
I agree with everything in Christina's post above. Give it time.

It's possible that if you do have a bipolar spectrum disorder, that the course may resemble a more typical form more over time. As you've described your issues, I can understand why a doctor may be reluctant to make such a definitive diagnosis. In any case, your doctor does seem to be concerned enough about the "highs" (contrasting episodes) you describe to prescribe a moodstabilizer (valproic acid or carbamazepine) and ziprasidone. These are all common medications for bipolar spectrum disorders, but also some other disorders that resemble them.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 03:32 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by tecomsin View Post
Have you tried getting off antidepressants? Does that make your depressions deeper or longer lasting?
Yes, at first I used to take 3 times less of fluvoxamine, but I suffered from anxiety, so I increased the dose and now I don't feel such an anxiety anymore.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 02:03 PM
  #8
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. Yeah, I agree that I should not focus on naming my problem, but instead on trying to get rid of symptoms, or, at least, coping with them. But, to be honest, that is what I've been doing all these horrible 1,5 years, and I just don't know if that could be even fixed with medications or psychotherapy.

It's been a long while since I went to my first psychiatrist, and it's like nothing have changed in general, so now I'm like starting from scratch. I'm not sure what should I do. Now, I feel normal, and it's like the last major "low" was 2,5 weeks ago, but each time it feels like it's the last one that eventually lead to suicide. So even if I'm normal, I can't live without a fear of the next depressive episode.

It's my first topic on the forum, but I love how supportive this community is. Probably I should start another thread for reaching out other's thoughts on how to cope with my problems. Because, despite I'll continue my searches for a good psychiatrist (which my country extremely lacks of), I think there should be people who's dealing with similar problems, and I believe they found better options rather than suicide.
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Default Jun 19, 2019 at 06:40 AM
  #9
Welcome. I'm glad you found your way here and that you are finding the support helpful. It has really made a difference for me in my recovery. Definitely create more threads as ideas or situations pop up. It can be quite therapeutic to simply get your thoughts out and bounce ideas off of others in a safe space. I find this forum can be an effective form of group therapy.

BirdDancer authored a great thread on dealing with Depression. I believe it is called 'Ideas for adjuncts to psyc meds - DEPRESSION'. Check it out if you get a chance and let us know the next time you are feeling low. Everyone here is great about offering a boost to your mood as well as practical advice for getting through the day.

Blessings for wellbeing.
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