advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
sadveiledbride
Veteran Member
 
sadveiledbride's Avatar
sadveiledbride has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: ???
Posts: 738
5 yr Member
830 hugs
given
Trig Jun 22, 2019 at 11:58 PM
  #1
This depression is really kicking my ***, and I'm tired of trying to Live. I won't hurt myself or anything, but it crosses my mind pretty damn frequently. Not passing at all. But I won't do anything. I'm willing myself not to. I'm tired of disappointing people -- and especially for things that aren't my fault... so what am I supposed to do, really?
I thought I'd feel better this summer but I really don't at all. My prescription is about to run out and I don't have a doctor yet. My meds don't really do much as is but it's just sort of nice to have them because it means I'm trying to make an effort. A family member of mine goes to doctors all the time and I don't. It's this ****in' comparison that's doing it to me. He gets to go to treatment and I'm left dragging my heels in the dirt. He's seen as suffering more than me.
I can't cry anymore. I feel this sadness overwhelming me. I wear it like a skin. It conceals me. I don't have peace, and I am in pain. I am suffering.
I look back on things in the past and really cringe. I wish I could erase parts of myself and my life. Maybe I should stop saying things like this, because maybe something might happen, and my life will be erased, and I'll be comatose. I don't want that to happen. I often worry that my thoughts and conflicting statements will actually happen and that things will be my fault.
I am sitting alone on this Sunday morning dreading this upcoming week. I wish my life weren't this way. I really should stop pitying myself. It is quite disgusting and I don't want to be antagonized.
I am curious as to why in all my suffering my issues are overlooked. I will never suffer "enough" for people to notice or care. That's how it seems, the way I'm being treated.
sadveiledbride is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, fern46, Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87, Innerzone, Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, MsSunflower, Skeezyks, VerMOZZica, wiretwister
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky

advertisement
fern46
Grand Magnate
fern46 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 yr Member
4,300 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 23, 2019 at 07:44 AM
  #2
I can't offer much other than to say I care. You are worth just as much as me or any of us here. Thoughts like the ones you are having are a product of the depression that comes along with bipolar disorder. Our minds are powerful and trick us into believing things that we wouldn't think twice about otherwise. Try to remember that you aren't your depression. You are strong and you're fighting against it. That says a lot about who you are even if you cannot see it yourself right now. Try not to compare yourself too much to others. That is a rabbit hole with no end. Maybe take a few moments today to remind yourself of the positive things in your life. Brainstorm a list of what you have to be grateful for or maybe a list of things you've accomplished that you can be proud of. Nothing is too small. You've already reached out here and were honest about your feelings. That takes strength and you can be proud of that if nothing else.

I hope you are able to find a doc that can help more with meds and coping skills that can lighten your world a bit. Hang in there and I send well wishes and blessings for peace in your future.
fern46 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, sadveiledbride, wiretwister
 
Thanks for this!
Jedi67, MickeyCheeky, sadveiledbride
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 23, 2019 at 08:21 AM
  #3
I am your friend, sadveiledbride, and I DO care about you! I completely agree with what fern46 has already wisely said better than I ever could. You are MORE than your Depression. You have value and you're a splendid human being! I've got to know you and I can safely affirm that without any doubts whatsoever. I hope that give you a little bit of relief. We're here for you. You can count on us. Please stay safe, my friend. You have much more to give to this world. Things CAN and WILL get better and I'm sure you know that as well even if it's hidden inside you. But you KNOW that and that's the most important thing. I hope you'll be able to see a good doctor soon and that you'll get the GREAT treatment that you need and deserve! Is there anything that's stopping you or your family from getting more appointments with your doctors compared to that family member? Feel free to share if you want. Perhaps we can offer you some advice. Please stay safe and take GREAT care of yourself, my friend. You deserve much, much better than what you're getting right now. Things will improve bust just try to focus on yourself and your own survival, ok? I'm REALLY HAPPY to have met you here and that you're my friend. You know I'll NEVER abandon you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Please feel free to reach out to me or to anyone of the kind posters here when you feel in need of advice, kindness, love, support, sweetness or simply someone to listen to you! YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOU MATTER! PLEASE DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! I hope things will get better soon for you one way or another, my friend! Please keep us updated and let us know how it goes if you want to! We ALL do care about you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Keep taking GREAT care of yourself! You deserve to get better and to feel good just as much as ANYONE ELSE! Keep taking care of yourself, my friend! We'll ALL be here for you! You can count on us, my friend! Wish you the best of luck in BOTH your healing and your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and ALL the people who you love and who love you, sadveiledbride, my AWESOME, caring, dear, irreplaceable intelligent, kind, sensible, sweet, wise and WONDERFUL friend!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AspiringAuthor, fern46, sadveiledbride, Skeezyks, wiretwister
 
Thanks for this!
AspiringAuthor, fern46, sadveiledbride
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Heart Jun 23, 2019 at 01:42 PM
  #4
I wish I had some answers to offer you here. But I can only send a bunch of hugs your way with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to abiding peace in your life...

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bizi, MickeyCheeky, sadveiledbride
 
Thanks for this!
bizi, MickeyCheeky, sadveiledbride
bizi
Bizi is bizi
 
bizi's Avatar
bizi happines is a decision
 
Member Since: Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,830
15 yr Member
43.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Red face Jun 23, 2019 at 05:31 PM
  #5
I am sorry it is so hard right now for you.
Things will change and we have to be ready for them.

Things don't ever stay the same, we don't want to be stagnant.
Keep posting, keep sharing, keep on.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





bizi is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
sadveiledbride
 
Thanks for this!
sadveiledbride
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:24 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.