bad tummy and more fibro pain today

not doing anything today though which is good (if I need to run to the bathroom I can. hahaha!)

mood is okay too, made better by the fact that it's all ready thursday- the week's flying by

I got to work at 4:42am because I just couldn’t sleep last night. I tried going back to sleep, but I woke up at 3:30am and have been awake ever since! So, I figured I’d go to work early and leave early. (Might as well, right?) Then I will hopefully be tired enough to take a nap.

I’m not particularly tired, btw. I’m just “blah” from waking up so early. lol. I went to bed at 9pm. Maybe that’s why...? But I normally sleep like 10 hrs, not 6.5.

I’m just chillin at my desk at work being bored while I wait for something to finish running on my computer. I can’t take my Ritalin just yet, though, because I took my linzess at around 4:15am and have to wait 2 hrs. It’s now almost 6am. 15 more mins...

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day today.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yesterday Hubby got really really upset with my worries over the trip and said loudly FINE I’ll skip my reunion and just go for Payton’s 4th birthday party ... are you happy now? Will this help you “ handle” it !! I said F you and had nothing else to say.

I don’t want him to miss his class reunion, he loves going and seeing old friends and I’m happy for him. I hang out with my daughter while hes off doing his thing.

His son and DIL scheduled Payton’s birthday party almost 2 weeks after her birthday or there would be only like 10 days between , but no.

They knew about Steve’s reunion dates and since we drive over 750 miles one would think they might be a bit considerate, but nope. If I just decided to stay home he likely would be furious and it would hang over our marriage heavily, and I do truly need to see my daughter. It’s been since Xmas.

This is very out of the ordinary for him, usually he more understanding about how I manage life. He’s all excited about the trip and 3 weeks with our friends but he is going to be doing a lot of work on George’s tractor and stuff so he has things to actually do.

They never want help with dinner or clean up , I grabbed a broom last time and no no no Alice said your on vacation.

So nothing for me to really do to pass the time. They think being online more than 30 mins a day is ridiculous.

Our dogs will live on a leash for a month, something they are not use too at all. My dog when stressed stops eating he went 6 days last trip without eating. And that was a 11 day trip.

I don’t think I’m borrowing trouble, I have to make sure we are both going to get by medication wise. The 3 meds of concern are all scheduled meds so they can’t even be refilled in another state.

Yes I have a list of things that need to be figured out.

Between our suitcases and my husband big oxygen concentrator in the truck I’m not sure where dog food for both dogs and they are 60 lbs each is going to go, it’s not a brand I can buy small bags as we need them.

Look out your windows... see that mushroom cloud. That’s my brain exploding.

Im done complaining about this cluster F of a trip coming up , it’s a boring saga from beginning to end.

Thanks to anyone reading all this crap.

I’m so sorry you are going through everything you are. You definitely have a plate full and you don’t deserve any of it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so sorry Christina that you are going through all of this. Especially the physical pain. You don’t deserve it. I hope you do ok on your trip as much as you don’t want to go. Hopefully it turns out better than you think, or at least tolerable!

[fern46]

Christina it sounds like you're just being honest about what you anticipate the experience to be like. I don't see it as complaining. I have a hard time being comfortable in other people's homes as well, especially when they won't let me help out. I usually just sneak around and do stuff to help anyway. Maybe they will be more open to your helping out if they knew it helps you to cope.

I know you're happy to see your family. Hopefully you can feel comfortable to escape with your books or online when you need to without fear of judgement from your friends. Self care is often even more important when you're away from the comforts of home. Hugs.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, tomorrow is surgery. It's just carpal tunnel on my non-dominant side, but I'm starting to get a little squicky. Will be off of work for a week. Loaded up on lots of dvds from the library to pass some time. I should still be able to draw, so hope to do a bunch. It will be so weird not being at work. I will actually miss it!

Have to take a big anti-bacterial shower tonight, then again tomorrow morning. Sleep on freshly laundered sheets etc etc. Even tossed my teddy bear in the laundry. He said he didn't like it, but would do his bit.

We'll see how typing goes afterwards. If I get a bit quiet, you'll know why.

Thinking of you today, hoping all goes perfectly well!

Ragingvortex, I hope your pain eases soon.

bluebicycle, it sounds like you have a plan with your work schedule today. I remember having days at work when I just tried to meditate a bit. It can help. The printer has a nice sound that can help some people meditate.

Innerzone, good luck with your procedure.

Wander, I am glad your partner will be with you. And we are always here.

Christina, you are definitely not alone in stressing out about vacations. I think I mentioned that I have similar anxiety about them. I am so sorry your husband is not as supportive of your request for a compromise. I really can't imagine why you not going to the reunion would be a big deal. I went to my 30th high school reunion recently and didn't think to ask my husband to join me. He was glad. Fact is, he must compromise a bit. Must. If you think you'll run out of a med during your trip, maybe your doc and pharmacist can work something out ahead of time for you. Mine have for me. This is a common issue for travelers.

I've been struggling to do things lately. Even getting a dinner on the table. Then hubby said he remembered me telling him that many articles discuss how people with mental illness tend to have shorter lifespans. He apparently read this again today in a BBC article. Then he says "Can we get back on the diet again? It would be really good for us." Well, of course I know all of this and would love to get back on track again, but being able to even barely get anything done makes meal planning (and following it perfectly) very difficult. Meal planning for just me is a lot of work, but I was meal planning for both my husband and myself. I will try. I will try.

I saw my new pdoc today. She's not going to be helpful I can tell. There's no such thing as help I guess. These suicidal thoughts are consuming me and no one except me can do anything about it apparently. I don't even know what to do other than give in to them.

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by spikes

I saw my new pdoc today. She's not going to be helpful I can tell. There's no such thing as help I guess. These suicidal thoughts are consuming me and no one except me can do anything about it apparently. I don't even know what to do other than give in to them.

Please don't give into them, spikes. Remember, your brain is lying to you and making you see everything in the worst possible light. It WILL pass. Please stay safe, ok? You are cared about.

[wildflowerchild25]

I didn’t go to work today. No real reason other than I was tired and my student wasn’t going to be in anyway. She’s not going to be in tomorrow either but I’ll go to work tomorrow. I shouldn’t have taken off today but whatever. Nbd.

I finally made an appointment with a GI dr for this pain in my stomach. It’s been going on off and on for about three years. Recently it’s gotten worse again. So I sucked it up and made an appointment. The last time I went to the GI dr he fat shamed me. He dx’ed me with GERD but none of my symptoms fit GERD. He ignored the pain in my stomach and told me to just lose weight and I’ll be fine. I never went back. I’m reticent to go to a new dr because I don’t want to be fat shamed again. I already feel bad enough about how much I weigh. But this time I’m going to a new practice with new drs so hopefully this one will take me seriously.

I’m still feeling awful about my weight. I did work out yesterday though. Planning on going again tomorrow. I really need to take control. I almost went out and got McDonald’s today for lunch but instead I had my leftover fettuccine Alfredo. Still high in fat and carbs but not as many calories as McDonald’s. Tomorrow we’re going to the fair so I’m not sure what I’m going to eat. I might eat before hand so that I’m not too hungry by the time we go.

I never heard from that job I applied for and I’m sure it’s because I don’t have my special ed certificate. It’s disappointing. I applied for a general ed job today but I probably won’t get called for that either because I have no general ed experience except for being a co teacher. I just want to make more money. I’m seriously hurting. I’m trying not to make unnecessary purchases. But I still don’t have enough between paychecks. However, I much happier in my own house so I’d rather be dirt poor and living here than have a little bit of money but live with my mom.

I bought cigarettes on Sunday and Monday because my juul charger broke and I had to order a new one. But I’ve been good for a couple of days. I want to smoke but again, I have to take charge of my health.

I guess that’s it. Supposed to be ridiculously hot here for the next few days. RS and I are going to a museum of medical oddities on Saturday. I assume it’s air conditioned so that should be fine. We just have to walk from the car to the museum and then to the restaurant for dinner afterward.

[wildflowerchild25]

So I spoke too soon about that job! I got a call for an interview today! I am so excited! I really have to practice my interview answers so I don’t mess this up. I really want to work with EBD kids again.

[Nammu]

Good luck!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So I spoke too soon about that job! I got a call for an interview today! I am so excited! I really have to practice my interview answers so I don’t mess this up. I really want to work with EBD kids again.

Yay! I'm excited for you. I wish you all the best with your interview.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So I spoke too soon about that job! I got a call for an interview today! I am so excited! I really have to practice my interview answers so I don’t mess this up. I really want to work with EBD kids again.

That’s Great!!!!!!!

[~Christina]

Saw my Rheumatologist today , emergency appt. it’s obvious my Enbrel shot quit working. I have 2 horrible areas of psoriasis flare and my pain from PsA is much worse. Most of my joints are inflamed compared to my appt 3 weeks ago.

So they are going to get me authorized for Humira. Hopefully it doesn’t take long.

Meanwhile meds from my Dermatologist yesterday feel like I put pure bleach on the areas when I apply ointment.

I’m just sick and tired of everything, just stop the world and let me get off ! I’m done.

[yellow_fleurs]

My brain is being mean to me today, making me anxious and feeling really bad about myself. I feel so frustrated that brains can get so out of whack so easily. I mean of course it makes sense as they are complicated, but how can I get outsmarted by hormones every month? I am also the usual, very tired and lethargic and spacey. It honestly is really embarrassing. I keep trying to hide that I am not feeling well at work, but it's hard because it affects me and I have to act "normal" but am struggling to do a basic thing. And I am trying to learn something challenging right now which makes it even harder. Oh well, I think I am venting at this point. Hope everyone has a great night. I will probably have more optimistic updates in a week or so, but can't promise they won't be pretty low in the near future haha.

[Wild Coyote]

Long day today. Great difficulty with walking.

I continue to stumble upon more and more information about what H has been up to. It's good to have proof. I don't feel so "crazy." He'd rather I were feeling "crazy." So, even though I am done searching for info that I already have, I keep "accidentally" stumbling upon more information. Hopefully, it is for good reason!

Am losing time and don't realize it until a day or two later; i cannot write more tonight. I am losing it.

I hope everyone has a good night!

[Wild Coyote]

Hey there, wildflower! I hope you get the job if it is truly in your best interest!!! :love)

~Christina! What to do? How to help? I am so sorry for all you are encountering!
Please do tell me if I can somehow help!!1

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

My brain is being mean to me today, making me anxious and feeling really bad about myself. I feel so frustrated that brains can get so out of whack so easily. I mean of course it makes sense as they are complicated, but how can I get outsmarted by hormones every month? I am also the usual, very tired and lethargic and spacey. It honestly is really embarrassing. I keep trying to hide that I am not feeling well at work, but it's hard because it affects me and I have to act "normal" but am struggling to do a basic thing. And I am trying to learn something challenging right now which makes it even harder. Oh well, I think I am venting at this point. Hope everyone has a great night. I will probably have more optimistic updates in a week or so, but can't promise they won't be pretty low in the near future haha.

I’d keep pushing to find out what roll your hormones are in playing and what can be done to most likely get your hormones on a steady level. So you don’t get out of sorts during your monthly cycle.