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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 12:29 PM
  #21
I was experiencing hypomania for weeks, turned manic and after a couple days I also got in a psychotic state of mind. I do remember more than I appreciate. (Most doctors were a bit surprised about that. For me not so much- it feels like different personalities- and during that manic episode I somehow got all the memories. Like the stable version got entangled with the unstable versions memories. It’s a long story )
Ended up in psych ward, against my will. Spent a week there, not talking to anyone (I refused) while I repaired myself in solitude.
I didn’t do much- most things was in solitude, I went into hibernation. Of course- eventually it leaked into reality and no one was able to understand my rambling words and bits and pieces of the inner chaos materializing on the outside.
Possible trigger:


Are you aware you are having an episode? And when do you get so far you don’t see it anymore?
If you are not having that severe experiences: do you feel guilty for not controling the illness even better?
(I do, I know it’s not my fault. Still feel guilty)
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 01:59 PM
  #22
I was not aware I was having an episode. I thought I was just very productive and in sync with the universe for a few days and then one night it really spiraled out of control into pure psychosis. I was hallucinating and all kinds of bad things happened. I was violent and did all kinds of things that are completely insane and out of character. I repressed a lot of it. I dissociated a lot as well. The memories are still coming back to me in pieces.
I feel completely guilty that I didn't see it coming. I watched my mother experience psychosis once and I kick myself all the time for not recognizing it in myself. My husband tried to slow me down. He tried to get me to notice I was off and I brushed it aside. I had no idea this could happen to me. I had always been stable before and never experienced anything like it.

The shame is overwhelming sometimes. I'm doing all I can to stay healthy and I have learned what my triggers are. I pray all the time that I will be able to see it coming and get help asap if it ever happens again.

What is the most profound breakthrough you've had in therapy?
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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 10:09 PM
  #23
Learning to forgive myself and not blame myself for having symptoms.

Have you lost a friend to bipolar?

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Default Jul 10, 2019 at 11:30 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Learning to forgive myself and not blame myself for having symptoms.

Have you lost a friend to bipolar?
Many (I'm in my late 40s). My bipolar disorder has also prevented making new ones. I know my personality is a part of it, too. I've always been a non conformist. There is also another issue that complicates making and keeping female in-person friendships. It goes back to my teen years. Long story. It's a sad thing. I'd love to have more female friends. It's easier for me to keep and make friendships with men, though the male friendships have often had some sexual attraction elements (one-sided or both).

Q: What about your bipolar disorder has bothered or concerned other people most of all?

Last edited by Anonymous46341; Jul 10, 2019 at 11:47 PM..
 
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Default Jul 11, 2019 at 04:25 AM
  #25
the fact I have it in the first place

seriously: I have met so many people who have shunned me just for having a diagnoses, which I think is so wrong.

as for actual psymtoms: the moods. many people find it scary how I switch from being nice and friendly to a nightmare

question: have you ever responded to negative stigma?. if so what did you say and what happened (as in, did that person learn about the illness.)
 
 
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Default Jul 11, 2019 at 04:37 AM
  #26
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many people find it scary how I switch from being nice and friendly to a nightmare
@raging vortex I know the feeling from turning from friendly to a nightmare. When I was first declared bipolar I hanged out with other bipolar people. But, what would happen if we were together and we were both nightmares at the same time. I left my friends, and stayed alone.
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Default Jul 11, 2019 at 08:09 AM
  #27
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@raging vortex I know the feeling from turning from friendly to a nightmare. When I was first declared bipolar I hanged out with other bipolar people. But, what would happen if we were together and we were both nightmares at the same time. I left my friends, and stayed alone.


it probably explains why I don't have friends in the first place (that, and the fact I am the deffinition of boring)

but we have each other at least. hugs
 
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Default Jul 11, 2019 at 11:11 PM
  #28
0

question: have you ever responded to negative stigma?. if so what did you say and what happened (as in, did that person learn about the illness.)[/QUOTE]

The most notable was when there were really offensive jokes about psych patients being made at work and I finally told my boss that they were inappropriate and why I thought so. Suddenly my work was no longer good enough, I kept getting in trouble and I was fired a few months ltae. If I had kept my mouth shut I might still be in that job (Which I'm so glad I left as I eventually got to the job I was made to do and did that the last 18 months before disability. It was a good ending).

Question: Were you/are you open about your diagnosis at work?

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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 04:13 AM
  #29
I don't work, but I'll answer in general: their was a time where I wasn't open about it at all (even saying the word bipolar freaked me out), but now I try to be more open.

basically I believe in the whole marolyn monroe aproach.. you take all of me or nothing at all

when was your last big accomplishment?. what was it
 
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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 06:54 AM
  #30
Dec. 9, 200. I graduated from my master's program and was eligible to take the exam to be an occupational therapist. I had a pretty good day in April 2001 too when I passed my exam...….

Are you an impatient person? In what circumstances?

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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 08:31 AM
  #31
I thought I was (and I guess I still am), but i'm not as impatient as some others I know!. I know people who litirally won't take later for an answer. i will, but not for long

question:

what was your happiest moment during childhood
 
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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 02:16 PM
  #32
When the library-bus came and I finally got some new books to read. The smell of paper, the joy inside, excited to start a new story. They came to life inside my mind. From I learnt to read until I was a teenager I read hundreds of books. Some years I read more than hundred books- by the time I was ten I had read all the books in our house. (And my mom liked to read, so it was a LOT)

(I also wanted to answer- I am open with it at work and I get help to minimize triggers and they are really supportive)

What is your most funny bipolar-moment? Not something you are ashamed of, but something that was just funny in hindsight?

(There are enough crappy episodes, sometimes I like the funny ones. I oncd told my boss to butt out- I was making a sand-castle- it was just still invisble and he was stepping on it He kinda said I didn’t make sense, but he let me do my thing. I was having a project, and I needed to put some more pieces together before showing the result. It did end well)
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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 03:25 PM
  #33
dressing up as a pirate

seriously, going around wearing a teddybear on my shoulder (to resemble a parrot), a sword, and a pirate costume I'd ordered on a manic spre from amazon

then insisting people called me "davy jones" (in the pirate accent, or I wouldn't answer)

question: have you ever believed that you have an illness that you've not oficially been diagnosed with, and if yes, what?
 
 
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Default Jul 14, 2019 at 09:05 PM
  #34
A: I don't think so. I did go to the ER with pain I was afraid was my appendix once but the doctors didn't know either until I had a CT scan that showed it was something else.

Q: Will you shop at Prime days or similar with other companies?

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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 04:24 AM
  #35
not really.

I've done amazon prime day one year, though that wasn't because it was prime day, it was because I was mannic and just wanted to shop.

would you ever go camping?, or do you like your home comforts
 
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 04:47 AM
  #36
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would you ever go camping?, or do you like your home comforts
I have always loved camping and have camped many times in my life, in various places. In my early marriage, my husband liked camping, too, but now he doesn't. It's a shame. I still think I would enjoy it.

Q: Do you tend to let things roll off your back easily? Or not?
 
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 10:16 AM
  #37
no.

a lot of people have met their match when they meet me, because I'm very good for standing up for what I want, getting the apology I deserve, putting in the relevant complaints, what ever it takes

question: what are you most looking forward to this summer?
 
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 11:23 AM
  #38
It being over, lol. Summer is an endurance contest. I hate the heat and sun.

Which is your favorite season and why?

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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 12:03 PM
  #39
It used to be the fall, but I lost my mind last fall. It feels kinda dark and tainted now. I'm not looking forward to it anywhere near as much as I used to. I think spring will be my new favorite for at least a while. I love how the sun feels after the winter and the buzz in the air as everything comes back to life.

Would you rather sweat or shiver?

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Default Jul 16, 2019 at 04:38 AM
  #40
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Originally Posted by fern46 View Post
It used to be the fall, but I lost my mind last fall. It feels kinda dark and tainted now. I'm not looking forward to it anywhere near as much as I used to. I think spring will be my new favorite for at least a while. I love how the sun feels after the winter and the buzz in the air as everything comes back to life.

Would you rather sweat or shiver?


shiver.

I hate the feeling of being hot, hate it

I have 2 fans, 4 windows, and won't hesitate to use them if it gets too hot (well the fans at least, I need to be careful with the windows because of my alergic reaction to bees)

question: when it comes to sself care what part (or what activity) is most important to you?

(to me it is staying hydrated.)
 
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