Bipolar Questions Version 5

Tonight? My childhood hometown (Lambertville, New Jersey) to give our tax stuff to our tax accountant. He was clearly very cautious, so he asked us to leave the folders (ours and my dad's) on his stairs and then come back 30 mins later. During the wait, we drove on the Pennsylvania side of the Delaware river from New Hope to Washington's Crossing, PA, then across that bridge to Washington's Crossing, NJ on the New Jersey side and back to Lambertville. Yes, that's where George Washington crossed the Delaware river on Christmas night 1776 during the Revolutionary war, and where they have reenactments of the crossing and soldier marches every year on that day. There are parks on both sides of the river.

Before we went to Lambertville, we had stopped at my husband's workplace for him to pick up a couple things and water his giant plant. Then before heading to Lambertville, we went to Trenton (the capital of NJ) to the best Buffalo wing and ribs takeout joint in the area, for takeout. At the end of all of this, I was happy to finally get home (a different city). Traffic was quite light, for obvious reasons.

Q: Do you live in a different state than you grew up in? Have you ever lived in a different state?

Was born in a little town in West Texas but grew up mostly in Portland, where I now live. I went away for a long time--NYC, Nashville, Boston--and then, got recruited to come back home and decided to take that job. That was 1993. Time flies when you have bipolar 1.

Q: Dog person or cat person? I am sort of both.

Dog! Hands down! Love them!

Have you ever had a turtle for a pet?

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

no.

best experience involving animals of any type

Probably getting to snuggle with a koala in the Sydney zoo, or possibly, the first time I saw a big shark scuba diving.

Favorite kind of cookie?

Chocolate chip. My local ski area sells these HUGE cookies that have a diameter of over a foot and I've always wanted to get one, but they're like $14 so in my middle school ski club days I just watched others that brought money (just for the cookies) in awe.

Do you ever get a type of anxiety you enjoy? Past few days I've been anxious and I still am now but it's like I kinda like the feeling. On alert.

I think so. I guess it depends on how wide of a definition one attributes to anxiety. I assign a fairly wide reaching definition to it. Definitely there is a kind of anxiety that people have before some very stimulating event, even prospective positive ones. One example is when sprint runners are in position to take off for the sprint. There's that expectation of the gun shot that signals them to bolt forward.

Q: Have you had an event (or task) that you were extremely anxious about, but it turned out not only OK, but great in the end? What was it?

yes.... most things I get anxious over!

for weeks (sometimes months) beforehand I get really anxious and really afraid about what might happen, yet when it comes to it, it's not actually that bad

though most of the time I think along the lines of death, or a zombi apocalypse, or being restricted in some way... still I can't count the times it's over and I'm like what?. I was afraid of that?. wow.

what kind of character would you like to play in a movie?. why

It might be interesting to play a character with bipolar 1 disorder. I am not sure of this, but the only actor I have ever seen play a person with bipolar disorder that actually HAS bipolar disorder is Maurice Benard. I don't remember if Carrie Fischer or Patty Duke ever acted out a bipolar role.

Q: Can anyone think of anyone else with bipolar disorder that has portrayed a person with bipolar disorder in a film, play, or TV role? Can you confirm if Carrie Fischer or Patty Duke has? I've obviously seen a number of movies with portrayals of bipolar disorder, but I don't think those actors/actresses have/had it in real life.

I heard somewhere that bradly cooper (silver lineing's playbook) has it

are you trying to make plans for when this pandemic is over (like what you will do with yourself), or are you taking each day as it comes and only plan when you know it's going to be safe?

Taking it one day at a time

How long as it been since you were out and not subject to shelter in place (or whatever it is called where you are)? (I can't remember is totally acceptable; I had to do a lot of figuring to get a guess yesterday)

about 2 weeks, I think.

last time I was out I went to KFC for a meal.

feels a lot longer though even though it isn't

okay keeping on the same theme... what has been the biggist impact on your life during this situation?

The fear that my husband will be laid off in a few weeks or months. This is a legitimate fear. Nine people were laid off from his department about a month ago, and his company sent employees an email basically saying more lay offs are on the horizon. They wrote that "jobs will be guaranteed safe for the next 30 days". That was sent about a week and a half ago.

Q: How has this pandemic affected your mental health?

Massively I'm severely paranoid, delusional, high anxieties, self harming, bad nightmares, needing safety more than ever, can't go out cause police and army and a certain person is waiting for me and they have guns.

Yeah you could say I'm f@£$ed

Question:

How do you cope with the telephone appointments we all are receiving? Is it good or bad?

So far I've had 1 1/4 video appointments and 1 3/4 phone appointments with my therapist and nothing yet with my pdoc. My pdoc is working from home now though so my next visit will be video I expect.

It's been ok. It will be better when they get things working better at my therapist's office. Their internet isn't great so the video is fuzzy and the connection isn't consistent. But they'll get there.

I wish I could see him in person but it will be a while before that happens and this is definitely the next best thing.

What is your favorite sign of spring?

Azaleas and rhododendrons the size of Volkswagens in bloom. Oh, and iris. Also, camellias. And tulips... Oh well...

Favorite TV show currently?

Star Wars The Clone Wars. Disney is finally wrapping up the show they abandoned when they took the rights back from Turner Broadcasting when they bought Lucas Films.

Favorite Stay at Home activity?

Writing my books + headphones--from Wagner to electronica...

Did you ever find Bob Dylan's music compelling?

not so much. not that he's a bad singer- he's good, just not really my style of music

what was the last movie/ tv series that you really enjoyed watching, and what was so good about it?

I wanted to answer this.

I struggle with the telephone- I always have struggled with it, I don't like my voice over the line

I spend most of the time in a panic because I don't know what to say

like to think I have got better though, I'll at least make the effert to start the conversation now. I used to only speak to automated machines

but I do struggle in general with comunication, telephone or otherwise