I have developed "close" relationships and been stabbed in the back repeatedly. Those "backstabbings" have triggered many of my depressions. I also got triggered when someone close to me had died, and I think it was because we had formed a deep bond with one another.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way.

Yes. No attachments=no feelings of abandonment=not being triggered.
Although I have gotten in touch with an old friend recently and we hung out, but when he left, no understatement, I wanted to kill myself because I had gotten close to him and I was/am afraid he'll never come back. Things like that make me wish I had a real therapist who worked with me on more stuff instead of spending 20 minutes asking the same questions and then ending the session early.

[bpcyclist]

I have extremely low expectations of others and trust basically noone ever.

[unaluna]

Thats an interesting question. I never looked at it as being "triggered", but i think you are right, thats what it is. Being overwhelmed, unable to deal with the emotions, fight, flight, fawn, or freeze - any of those will pretty much kill a relationship, won't it? But im always, this is b.s., this person isnt worth it - what is "it", anyway? Emotional dysregulation. To get on an even keel again, i cut people out of my life.

people usually avoid being friwends with me

because of my illness. they don't want to get hurt

it's ashame, I'd generally like a close friendship

but it's true. I always end up hurting people

[Cocosurviving]

I avoid close friendships and relationships because I found them to be one sided. How?
Individuals would want to bounce ideas and their problems and work drama/relationship drama off me. However when I wanted to talk about anything they would want to change
the subject back to THEM!!! 😂😂😂💀🙄

[*Beth*]

Yes. I definitely, consciously avoid close friendships for fear of being triggered, then being entirely isolated while I fall to pieces. I have been married for 30+ years and I have a number of life-long friends, but I avoid being genuinely close because I so fear being misunderstood. I'm self protective.

[swimmingly]

I really don't have friends. My close relationships are only my immediately and a few other family members who I try really hard to keep in the loop but don't do well with that. I was thinking about friends in preparing to answer this question, and I realize that I don't know the last time that I've had a friend. I really don't. It's been probably over 20 years. That's should be embarrassing right? I guess I'm not really embarrassed though. It feels a bit lonesome, though. I think it is a defense mechanism though.

[wiretwister]

my wife and two sons are it . . . by my choice , it has been that way since the early 80's .

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I avoid close friendships and relationships because I found them to be one sided. How?
Individuals would want to bounce ideas and their problems and work drama/relationship drama off me. However when I wanted to talk about anything they would want to change
the subject back to THEM!!! 😂😂😂💀🙄

That is my experience, too. Part of the reason, though, is because I don't talk much about myself due to shame and because I deeply fear being completely misunderstood. After all, not many people are well-educated about mental illness. I have found that I am comfortable with others who have mental illness. It's the neurotypicals with whom I feel miserably uncomfortable.

[The_little_didgee]

I generally don't avoid relationships. I'm just careful who I let in which takes time. Why? A lot of people have been critical of me due to my differences. For some reason this is a threat to them. I'm often judged by strangers who know absolutely nothing about me. To protect myself I approach relationships with caution. Once I see that the person is open minded and honest, I will let them in my life.

Originally Posted by BethRags

That is my experience, too. Part of the reason, though, is because I don't talk much about myself due to shame and because I deeply fear being completely misunderstood. After all, not many people are well-educated about mental illness. I have found that I am comfortable with others who have mental illness. It's the neurotypicals with whom I feel miserably uncomfortable.

I totally get this. Neurotypicals have generally been the most judgemental people I have ever met, especially women. What is with their drama?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I have developed "close" relationships and been stabbed in the back repeatedly. Those "backstabbings" have triggered many of my depressions. I also got triggered when someone close to me had died, and I think it was because we had formed a deep bond with one another.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way.

I have also felt this way. It's a very tough place to be. And its tough to decide whether or not to try to trust again... and how much to trust.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I generally don't avoid relationships. I'm just careful who I let in which takes time. Why? A lot of people have been critical of me due to my differences. For some reason this is a threat to them. I'm often judged by strangers who know absolutely nothing about me. To protect myself I approach relationships with caution. Once I see that the person is open minded and honest, I will let them in my life.


I totally get this. Neurotypicals have generally been the most judgemental people I have ever met, especially women. What is with their drama?

I have also found Neurotypicals to generally be the most judgmental people I have met, especially women. I said that to a male professional and received a very judgemental response....... That did NOT help my trust issues ....

[bradt93]

Originally Posted by swimmingly

I really don't have friends. My close relationships are only my immediately and a few other family members who I try really hard to keep in the loop but don't do well with that. I was thinking about friends in preparing to answer this question, and I realize that I don't know the last time that I've had a friend. I really don't. It's been probably over 20 years. That's should be embarrassing right? I guess I'm not really embarrassed though. It feels a bit lonesome, though. I think it is a defense mechanism though.

I don't feel have any friends either, because I don't want to risk getting hurt. A lot of people are afraid of being friends with people who are bipolar, because of the stigma associated with it. Forget about relationships too, when you tell your partner you have bipolar, they will probably run for the hills. People just don't understand our illness and forget we are human too. I'm sorry if having this mental disorder makes them feel "uncomfortable" but we didn't ask for it.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

it's ashame, I'd generally like a close friendship

but it's true. I always end up hurting people

You don't hurt us, vortex...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

You don't hurt us, vortex...

Everyone on this bipolar forum is warm, respectful, inclusive and fuzzy

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Everyone on this bipolar forum is warm, respectful, inclusive and fuzzy

Where I live there is a restaurant called the "Black Bear Diner." There are cute bears carved from wood outside and the restaurant is kind of like a bear cave. I wish you could see it

[bradt93]

Originally Posted by bradt93

I don't feel have any friends either, because I don't want to risk getting hurt. A lot of people are afraid of being friends with people who are bipolar, because of the stigma associated with it. Forget about relationships too, when you tell your partner you have bipolar, they will probably run for the hills. People just don't understand our illness and forget we are human too. I'm sorry if having this mental disorder makes them feel "uncomfortable" but we didn't ask for it.

" I feel like"

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Where I live there is a restaurant called the "Black Bear Diner." There are cute bears carved from wood outside and the restaurant is kind of like a bear cave. I wish you could see it

Hi BethRags,

Thanks for sharing this It sounds like the sort of restaurant I would love

I appreciate your post, and I appreciate you