Consistency , my worst enemy

I was diagnosed Bipolar 32 years ago after my first mania that occurred in the Marines in 1987. I was told I could stay in or get out with a medical discharge. I chose the discharge which was honorable and was put on a temporary disability retirement list rated at 30% disability for many years ,about 20. During this time I I worked in psychiatric hospitals and held positions such as behavior specialist, psych tech , psych associate, mental health worker , counselor , case manager, etc. and during all these years I also achieved 2 degrees with honors. The thing is though I have bipolar 1 with a seasonal pattern. This makes consistency impossible. I would work hard for most of the year and succeed very well but then I’d have a 3 month severe depression in the fall/ early winter or a manic episode in-the spring . No employer I had would accept my being out of work months at a time so I changed positions and psych hospitals about every year. In college I would drop classes in the fall/ early winter and ace classes many times without having to take the final. Finally 10 years ago my condition became a lot worse. I was determined to be 100% disabled by the military and social security. Then after 9 years this last fall they made me totally and permanently disabled. Now I’m starting to do better and want to achieve great things but I know from experience I cannot be consistent so how can I ever realize my hopes and dreams or is it over for me?

Thank you for your service in the military.

Your statement, has changed my theory about the Department of Defense dealing with bipolar and a military medical discharge. Never had evidence, but, thought if someone was first treated with being bipolar, they would be discharged but would not get a military disability payments. As you have stated, your currently on full medical disability from the military and with Social Security. Are you talking about getting back into the labor market?

Possibly or thinking about reaching my full potential in some other way. I’m 54 now and feel like I still have so much to offer. I’m just not sure what I can do. My two oldest children are 26 and 28 and my two youngest are 12 and 14. I’ve been a stay at home dad for 9 years now and they are old enough now for me to work on my individual goals whatever they may be.

I was 30% for 20 years and did fairly well considering but as I got worse due to the stress of working on the hospitals crisis unit and pushing myself I asked for a re-evaluation and received 100 percent and 10 years later permanent and total. Also I have a permanent retirement I’d card now and receive all benefits including my kids college being paid for. All sounds great but I’m not done with life and want to climb a few more achievement mountains, the problem is what I stand to lose including my health if I take on to much etc. just frustrated.

You also have to factor in a manager willing to hire you. You have been out of the workforce for a very long time. You do have a education above high school, and you have experience being in the military -- all pluses for a employer. Still, your 54 years old, and your age is getting closer to retirement age. With your educational level, does your employer only wants you for another 8 to 11 years. Second, you have the education, and it is locked in the past, and you would be looking at entry level positions with your educational level. Someone just out of college with the same educational level as yourself, their education is fresh and current to the values of today. Plus, he or she is going to be in the workforce for the next 40 years.

With the economy as it is right now, and if you have a college education, the unemployment rate is very low. If you get back into the labor market, you may have to take a job were you did not get a education for. Just saying, getting back into the labor market, could make you feel depressed.

All true, also between social security where I receive 1800.00 with dependent. And 3500.00 a month from the military.I receive a little over 60,000.00 a year which would be all but impossible to make at this point . So I guess I need to just work out and read a lot and accept my retirement as it is. It’s very frustrating though.

Since your making $60,000 a year just to get out of bed anytime you want, go to bed anytime you want -- your way above the average income for someone in retirement. True, even with your income, your on a fixed income and anyone on a fixed income is more conservative by nature.

If you want to do something, and you do not want to place your income at risk. Volunteer with a social group. Since you were in the military, and you are bipolar, why not volunteer at your local VA hospital. With so many veterans coming back from combat duty, and so many at a high risk with suicide -- volunteering can save a life. Being a veteran and being bipolar, you can build better bridges with a veteran, than a out of the door undergrad without understanding what is, yes sir, no sir, sir I do not understand.

Don't give up. You have a lot of skills to offer and the right employer may come along. Put yourself out there and see what happens. You could also consider volunteer work. There are endless ways to offer your time that can leave you feeling more fulfilled. This doesn't have to be the end for you.

Also, just curious... Could you get a part time low stress job doing something you enjoy and still keep your disability? Maybe you don't need a job that compensates for the full 60k a year.

If I work at all I would lose 100% permanent and total rating and my kids college would no longer be paid for. Etc. it’s very complicated so I think I’ll learn on my own, volunteer and continue to take care of my kids and grandchildren.

That's a difficult position to be in. It is amazing though that their education is paid for and you are offering so much by staying as you are and allowing the disability to continue. It is a great service to them and one you can be proud of.

I know you mentioned your youngest children are 12 and 14. Those are difficult years. I have little ones, but I am also a stepmother and went through the teenage years. They benefit greatly by having you home and available even if they are fairly independent. Just keeping a constant presence makes a huge difference.

Thank you for your service to our country. I appreciate you.

In our house we joke that the only consistency we can have is each other. My husband volunteers at a local home school co-op. He's taught several classes but has recently settled on games for teens. He does board games, role playing games and video games. This semester he's doing pre-Colombian history. If there's anything special you would want to teach I encourage you to look into that. Some teachers"make a living doing that others use the money for all types of supplies for the classes (classes here run $25-$120+supplies) depending on class/teacher for a 12 week course. So If you have any special skills you might want to try that. We've had everything from ASL to Wood working. It's fun and it's only an hour a class per week.