I'm never gonna get anywhere

I just deal with it. I tried working for a bit, but then the episodes ruined it. I've been hospitalized five times so far this year alone. One suicide attempt in March. I'm on eight different psych meds. I'm disorganized and disheveled as **** and I don't have the will to change that. And now there's psychosis to deal with again.

I'm never going to get anywhere at this rate...

Hi!

Is this depression talking, possibly?

Being so unwell can be so discouraging!

I do know what you mean. I have 30+ years of total medical disability. It's been very discouraging quite often. I have done better some years than others.

I would encourage you to hold onto hope, while accepting where you are at today.

We are here for you as you work on your recovery.

Not depressed, just really confused lately. I'm not myself. Not since I went to the hospital last month. Everything's different.

Hi 251turnaround, I understand how you feel. Believe me! But please don't use the word "never". That just flat out isn't the case for most people, even people who've been in the most dire situations.

I've been on full disability for about 8 years now. I was on part-time or full-time disability off and on for almost 4 years prior to that. I had a few years in and out of the hospital much of the time. One year I was in the hospital twice, plus spent more than 7 months in Partial Hospital/Intensive Outpatient programs. Another year I had about 4 or 5 hospitalizations (I kind of forget), and after each I spent a month or longer in the IOP. Could someone look at my history as a hopeless situation? I'm sure. However, as painful as some of these years have been, I have grown in significant ways.

I know many people who can get back to work after multiple hospitalizations and exceed expectations of even their colleagues. A part of one year during this decade, I actually did, but haven't since. But it depends on what you are measuring against. Success at work? Success at some sport? Success at making a lot of money? Success in making dozens of good friends? Success in expanding creativity? Success in becoming a more compassionate person or better friend/spouse? Success in feeling more grounded in life than ever before?.........Success in being an incredible survivor?

Referring to the last item in the paragraph above, I like to offer a few examples. There are thousands more:

* A soldier that gets caught by the opposing army and withstands torture as a POW. They then come home to their family. They lived! They survived! They are a hero to their country, their family and friends, and really...themselves.
* A child that withstands abuse from a parent, but goes on. They work to process the trauma and then go on to start their own family, giving love to their children.
* A person with late stage cancer that suffers the pain of the disease and the discomfort and maybe even trauma of the treatments, but keeps fighting and survives, spending more quality years with their family and friends.
* A woman who falls into prostitution as a teen, but escapes it and facilitates an online support forum for youth that are abandoned or neglected or wish to change their lives in some positive way.
* A man that never before thought he had a creative voice, but after a major challenge, found that voice and inspired others...even if just one person.
* A woman that endured and witnessed racist acts that raises her voice against racism in any way she can (big or small)
* A person with bipolar disorder, that becomes an advocate for mental healthcare reform or fights stigma (in a big or even small way).
* A person who understands depression and touches another person, who may be suicidal, in a way that saved their lives. It's often just moments that can make a difference. Many people here at PC HAVE made such differences.

In many ways, I feel more accomplished now than I ever have in my life. I wouldn't have thought that even a few years ago, though. Maybe Joe Schmoe down the street may not see it that way, if he looked at my resume, but he doesn't know me.

((((((((( turnaround)))))))))