Today I'm really missing my pet. I know that it's been weeks since he passed, but sometimes it hits me that he's not here. I look over at where his cage was and he's not there. I really wish he was here on my tummy harassing me. I wish I could give him a kiss. Tears are running down my face.

[Nammu]

I thought coyote's story was lovely too! Just push on and use humor!

[fern46]

I stopped consulting after I got sick last fall. My husband amd I agreed the added stress was too much for me to handle while I was in intensive therapy and working to get a grasp on what happened to me and my family. I haven't done anything professionally in over 9 months. My husband picks my brain every now and again, but I haven't had a project to focus on.

I started something new today. I'm taking a class that focuses on my favorite area of my profession. It offers new skills and a methodology for growing my consultancy. It felt really good to get back in the game. I'm not sure if or when I will use this material. It may be a long time before I take on clients again, but my brain needed this. I spend so much time playing with and teaching my kids. It is a nice change of pace to do something for myself that can potentially add value to our family in the future. I used to offer us more and it has been hard to take a step back. I'm excited at the thought of jumping back in one day with new skills.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by fern46

I stopped consulting after I got sick last fall. My husband amd I agreed the added stress was too much for me to handle while I was in intensive therapy and working to get a grasp on what happened to me and my family. I haven't done anything professionally in over 9 months. My husband picks my brain every now and again, but I haven't had a project to focus on.

I started something new today. I'm taking a class that focuses on my favorite area of my profession. It offers new skills and a methodology for growing my consultancy. It felt really good to get back in the game. I'm not sure if or when I will use this material. It may be a long time before I take on clients again, but my brain needed this. I spend so much time playing with and teaching my kids. It is a nice change of pace to do something for myself that can potentially add value to our family in the future. I used to offer us more and it has been hard to take a step back. I'm excited at the thought of jumping back in one day with new skills.

good for you, fern46! must have felt good for you to get back in the game, like you said. seems like you really enjoyed it. glad you did something for yourself that felt great and fulfilling. happy for ya!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Jedi67

good for you, fern46! must have felt good for you to get back in the game, like you said. seems like you really enjoyed it. glad you did something for yourself that felt great and fulfilling. happy for ya!

Thanks Jedi! I really appreciate all of the encouragement you throw my way. I'm fortuante to have met you here. My class will take me about 3 months to complete, so I'll have a worthwhile outlet to channel my energy into for a while. I'm pretty excited.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by fern46

Thanks Jedi! I really appreciate all of the encouragement you throw my way. I'm fortuante to have met you here. My class will take me about 3 months to complete, so I'll have a worthwhile outlet to channel my energy into for a while. I'm pretty excited.

thanks fern! I feel the same way. glad to have met you as well. you have been a great friend here and I thank you for that.

3 months huh? not too bad. you should be excited. it sounds like it'll be a cool learning experience with some fun thrown in as well. I'm glad you are taking this on for yourself. you deserve it! and like you said, it's an outlet much like when I volunteer. it's fun and fulfilling. wishing you the very best, and remember to have fun!

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Today I'm really missing my pet. I know that it's been weeks since he passed, but sometimes it hits me that he's not here. I look over at where his cage was and he's not there. I really wish he was here on my tummy harassing me. I wish I could give him a kiss. Tears are running down my face.

Sorry to hear that, BirdDancer. Pets are family and mean a lot. They show unconditional love.

Is there any way you can treat yourself right now? Or even a hot shower can be relaxing.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry to hear that, BirdDancer. Pets are family and mean a lot. They show unconditional love.

Is there any way you can treat yourself right now? Or even a hot shower can be relaxing.

Thank you, bluebicycle. When I finally wiped away my last tear I went to the store and managed OK. I've been doing a little better since then. It was good to at least be out in public a bit. It's sometimes hard after weekends with my hubby home. Tomorrow I see my therapist.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thank you, bluebicycle. When I finally wiped away my last tear I went to the store and managed OK. I've been doing a little better since then. It was good to at least be out in public a bit. It's sometimes hard after weekends with my hubby home. Tomorrow I see my therapist.

hope everything goes well with your T tomorrow, BirdDancer!

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thank you, bluebicycle. When I finally wiped away my last tear I went to the store and managed OK. I've been doing a little better since then. It was good to at least be out in public a bit. It's sometimes hard after weekends with my hubby home. Tomorrow I see my therapist.

That's good you're doing better. Every little bit counts.

I hope you have a good therapy session tomorrow. Maybe you'll feel even better after talking to him/her.

[yellow_fleurs]

I had a pretty good therapy session overall. I was wondering if my therapist might be frustrated with me because I've been a bit stuck and not sure what to work on, but we came up with a goal together for me to become more self aware of my obsessive thoughts and better about not falling into the loop and getting stuck. I am glad we are on the same page. I think she may have been educating herself about OCD treatment or something based on our convo which I appreciate, especially because I was wondering if I needed see a specialist. It's clear she cares which is nice.
I did find myself frustrated at getting another talk about psychosomatic symptoms, though. It's hard to debate because I've got that OCD diagnosis and all, but I guess I'll just stay away from that topic in therapy. It's one of those situations the more I try to debate the more "obsessed" I end up sounding haha. What a catch-22 that is.

For anyone interested, she recommended anxiety.org as a good site for information on OCD, but it also has stuff for other anxiety disorders.

Sending compassion to everyone!

[yellow_fleurs]

BirdDancer

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My first pdoc informally diagnosed me with bipolar 1 depressed, moderate, and began treating me as if I had bipolar. Then I did an evaluation shortly after that Dx where I was formally diagnosed with bipolar 1 depressed, moderate. Then when I started getting bad anxiety last year, I did another evaluation which said bipolar 1 w/ mood-incongruent psychotic features. My therapist seems to think I have never shown manic symptoms in front of her, and both her and my current pdoc were like, "you have A LOT of negative symptoms" (in reference to the hallmark schizophrenia "negative symptoms" criteria).

At the same time, I've had 2 evals which have said "ADHD + MDD," a combination of diagnoses which I suppose may appear similar to bipolar in a lot of ways. (First eval was ADHD+MDD, second one was BP 1, third one (which was only testing for ADHD but ruled out bipolar) said ADHD+MDD, fourth one was BP 1 w/ psychotic features. lol.)

You're right that I should ask my pdoc about SzA and how it would affect things for me on a non-insurance level.

Anyway, I hope you're able to get answers. While I have personally not had much luck with formal evaluations, I think a formal evaluation might help you. It's possible I have sh_tty psychologists at my therapy office, since my therapy office is the one who thinks I have BP 1, while my university and a psychologist outside the office say ADHD+MDD.

I can for sure see why there would be some uncertainty of diagnosis given all the different info you've been given. I hope one day in the future we'll know a lot more about the brain and psychiatry and things like this will improve. Like I definitely took a test that said I had MDD and GAD before getting put on Lexapro, and I am sure I did fit all those symptoms, but it might have just been OCD masquerading as GAD, and a bipolar spectrum disorder masquerading as MDD you know?
I think you might be right that a formal evaluation could be useful for me. I might look into it further.
I hope your pdoc can provide you some useful info for decision making.

[Scooter9]

Oh geez I'm having a really low day today. Second one in 9 days.

That's not good because I'm on the increased dose of Wellbutrin. I was hoping that I'd seen the last of these low days but I guess not.

3 weeks to go to evaluate whether Wellbutrin works for me.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Oh geez I'm having a really low day today. Second one in 9 days.

That's not good because I'm on the increased dose of Wellbutrin. I was hoping that I'd seen the last of these low days but I guess not.

3 weeks to go to evaluate whether Wellbutrin works for me.

sorry to hear you are feeling low today, Scooter9. I hope the Wellbutrin eventually works out for you. good luck and know that it'll pass. stay strong. you got this.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by fern46

I stopped consulting after I got sick last fall. My husband amd I agreed the added stress was too much for me to handle while I was in intensive therapy and working to get a grasp on what happened to me and my family. I haven't done anything professionally in over 9 months. My husband picks my brain every now and again, but I haven't had a project to focus on.

I started something new today. I'm taking a class that focuses on my favorite area of my profession. It offers new skills and a methodology for growing my consultancy. It felt really good to get back in the game. I'm not sure if or when I will use this material. It may be a long time before I take on clients again, but my brain needed this. I spend so much time playing with and teaching my kids. It is a nice change of pace to do something for myself that can potentially add value to our family in the future. I used to offer us more and it has been hard to take a step back. I'm excited at the thought of jumping back in one day with new skills.

GREAT! I am very excited for you!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Today I'm really missing my pet. I know that it's been weeks since he passed, but sometimes it hits me that he's not here. I look over at where his cage was and he's not there. I really wish he was here on my tummy harassing me. I wish I could give him a kiss. Tears are running down my face.

(((((( BirdDancer ))))))

Much Love to YOU!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I had a pretty good therapy session overall. I was wondering if my therapist might be frustrated with me because I've been a bit stuck and not sure what to work on, but we came up with a goal together for me to become more self aware of my obsessive thoughts and better about not falling into the loop and getting stuck. I am glad we are on the same page. I think she may have been educating herself about OCD treatment or something based on our convo which I appreciate, especially because I was wondering if I needed see a specialist. It's clear she cares which is nice.
I did find myself frustrated at getting another talk about psychosomatic symptoms, though. It's hard to debate because I've got that OCD diagnosis and all, but I guess I'll just stay away from that topic in therapy. It's one of those situations the more I try to debate the more "obsessed" I end up sounding haha. What a catch-22 that is.

For anyone interested, she recommended anxiety.org as a good site for information on OCD, but it also has stuff for other anxiety disorders.

Sending compassion to everyone!

Thanks for sharing this with us!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Oh geez I'm having a really low day today. Second one in 9 days.

That's not good because I'm on the increased dose of Wellbutrin. I was hoping that I'd seen the last of these low days but I guess not.

3 weeks to go to evaluate whether Wellbutrin works for me.

I am sorry you are having a challenging time.
I hope Wellbutrin works for you.
Praying for you and yours.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Oh geez I'm having a really low day today. Second one in 9 days.

That's not good because I'm on the increased dose of Wellbutrin. I was hoping that I'd seen the last of these low days but I guess not.

3 weeks to go to evaluate whether Wellbutrin works for me.

I know you've been struggling for a while now with depression. I can only imagine how tiring it is, but I hope if Wellbutrin doesn't work out, that you'll find the magic med soon.