[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry to hear you can’t sleep.

For many, many people, the blue light from computer/phone screens makes their existing sleeping problems much worse. It’s a known phenomenon. However, there is a program you can download on windows called f.lux (yes, f.lux with a period between the F and the L) to change the hue of the screen so that the blue light becomes orangey. I’m sure there is something available for iPhone and Android as well.

I don’t think it’ll cure your sleep problems, but to reiterate, blue light can certainly exacerbate things. There is lots of research on orange vs blue light in relation to sleeping. Orange light seems to have little to no effect on sleeping.

Also, is there anything specific going through your mind at night that’s keeping you awake? (e.g., depressive thoughts, anxiety, etc.) If so, what coping techniques have you tried employing to manage those thoughts?

Nice post, Blue! I am going to look into f.lux tonight!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi fern! I am very happy for you! I am hoping this is a good sign and that all will be fine. It totally make sense you'd have mixed feelings. I would be very concerned if you did not show/express any degree of reticence.
We are here for you for as long as you want to hang out with us!

Thanks WC! I plan to hang around. I need you guys on my team of people keeping an eye on me when I take the leap. I trust you guys will give me a swift kick in the pants if I start saying anything strange. You're the only ones who truly understand what all of this is like and I take great comfort in being here.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm nervous, nervous, nervous.

I'm afraid of seeing my therapist tomorrow. Well, I'm not afraid of HER, but afraid of the supernatural force and afraid that someone has been stalking me. I don't feel comfortable going out to see her tomorrow because I'll feel vulnerable.

I want to tell her that, but she always leaves the office at 11:30am on Thursdays, so that's not happening today (it's 12:35pm now). She doesn't check her voicemail when she's done with work, either. So, I'm thinking about contacting one of the after-hours therapists at the therapy office to explain my anxieties about going tomorrow, but I'm always nervous about talking to someone I don't know. And unfortunately, I can't talk to anyone until after 5pm today because that's when the after-hours service starts, so I'm stuck being nervous for the next 4 and a half hours. Oh, and to make matters worse... there is only ever one therapist on call, which means I have to wait my turn if someone else calls before me.

Hey blue! Sorry you are having a tough time. Have you been able to reach someone? Please know that we are here for you anytime! Much Love~

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey blue! Sorry you are having a tough time. Have you been able to reach someone? Please know that we are here for you anytime! Much Love~

I’ll be totally honest... I’m too afraid to call, so I haven’t. I don’t think they’ll be able to help, either, the more I think about it. Nothing will relax me when I sense a dark energy from a supernatural force. I’m just going to find something to make me sleep since I can’t sleep.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by fern46

I saw my pdoc today. She was happy to see that I'm still stable 9 months after my episode. She wants me to come off the Geodon and try life med free to see how I do. I am going on vacation next Saturday and we agreed I would wait until after I got home before making any changes.


I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I am excited that I'm doing well enough to give this a shot. I also like the idea of detoxing my body from the meds and letting my metabolism and other systems return to a more normal state. However, I am fearful of relapse and it feels scary to change up what has been working well for months. I am trying to focus on gratitude for this opportunity to thrive as opposed to fear of failure. I think I'd be nuts not to carry a little fear given the extreme nature of my episode last fall, but I don't want to be medicated if it isn't needed. I've made a lot of good and healthy changes for myself and I guess it is time to put them to the test.

I think your fear is warranted. I’d also wait til after vacation.

YOU have made great changes in your life .... Bipolar or not ....

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Pretty ok. Generally feeling kind of unheard and generally annoyed. Had to speak up 4 times (4th time to a supervisor) that I was supposed to be getting a cut with my color touch up today. Granted, there are linguistic issues, but damn! The supervisor (instructor) did the actual cut. TG, or I would have been there all day. It turned out... alright. (And I'm pretty easy-going on these things.)


So I got home to try to wrestle it into something decent, and see that I got a message from a MeetUp gathering I'm going to tonight. I just joined this group yesterday. I was accepted, but then the organizer of this *particular* event said I needed to use a "recognizable" profile pic. Well, the other organizer thought the one I had was fine! (And I'd already had to do some finagling to get it changed from the original one.) So NOW I had to do ANOTHER. There REALLY aren't very many pics of me at all, so there I was (after being somewhat annoyed with my haircut), having to try to take a half-decent selfie. Ok, fine. So I get it loaded up on my computer (I cannot change the pic from my phone as I can't download the app due to Apple technical issues.) I then go to the site on my computer to change it and it won't let me access the picture. It's right there on my computer, mind you, but apparently in the "wrong" place (you know, amongst other pictures ). By now I'm getting seriously annoyed at this b****. I know, it sounds like I'm making this up. It shouldn't be such a ******* big deal to do these things, but it is because of one stupid glitch after another. Sometimes I hate technology. So, **** it. I just changed it to a picture a year old. Different haircut, different glasses, but heh, "recognizable", right? **** her.


So, I'll be there in a couple of hours. Not looking like my picture. Serves her right. Though I've met 2 of the people in this group, neither of them is going to this, so it will just be strangers. I'm not feeling all that fun atm.


I had all kinds of other things I'd hoped to get done today, but had to spend too much time ****ing around because of other people.


I know. First-world problems. And really NOTHING compared to what a bunch of folks here are going through. I'm just feeling irritable and needed to vent.


RANT OVER. (For now, lol.)

What a mess IZ!!! Did your haircut come out okay ? Shame you had to practically duel to get that haircut. My mom had her own shop and haircut was always included in a color.

One annoying thing after another for you !!

I have to take 187 selfies to find ONE I still have to struggle to use. Lol

I hope this meetup group is great !

[Moose72]

Home from 24 hours of camping with extended family. (More details on that in the thread "Camping".)

Now my youngest went out for a walk when it was almost dark- and now its dark and he's not home yet. I know he's almost 18 but my rule is "be home before dark".

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I’ll be totally honest... I’m too afraid to call, so I haven’t. I don’t think they’ll be able to help, either, the more I think about it.

Nothing will relax me when I sense a dark energy from a supernatural force. I’m just going to find something to make me sleep since I can’t sleep.

Hi! I am sorry you are feeling some fear.
I think they'd be glad to try to help.

We're here for you, too.

do you have a strategy for getting some sleep?

Much Love~

[Victoria'smom]

How do you feel about the diagnosis? She asked what I thought I had and I said SzA. She said that's what she was going to suggest. So it's not unexpected. I don't know how I feel. I've had so many Dx.'s everyone expects me (even both intake T's) to take it negatively. I'm kinda just letting it sit and I'm thinking about it.

[Maranara]

Trying to hang in there.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Good day. I washed my mom's smelly dog for her while she was away with my niece. Doing something nice feels good.

My social security money arrived sometime, delayed but whatever, it's here before I'm out of money.

We got to have the windows open for a few hours which makes both me and my cats so happy.

Last night I ate some stuff that in the past 7 weeks would have upset my stomach and nothing bad happened. I ate SALAD! Veggies! I can't tell you how good they tasted. I'm hoping this is a good sign.

I took a shower so I'm ready to go do errands tomorrow. It was a big fight to get there so I'm glad I did it.

So lots of positive stuff.

[TheSeaCat]

Hi all, I hope you all are doing great. I'd just thought I'd check in before my vacation. I am super excited then again I can't remember the last time I used vacation days for an actual vacation. I figured with everything going the way it's been going lately; that now would be the time to take a vacation. Work is great; my relationship is the best one I've had in a very long time. It feels easy and natural; we hardly ever fight. We are both in love with each other. My heath is the best it has been in a very long time; the Trintellix has eradicated my depression, my Buspar was changed to twice a day instead of the three a day I was previously on. I've been stable on the current heart medication for quite some time; and it's working magnificently. My heart rate is usually in the mid to upper 80's. Which I'm cool with; as is my Cardio.

So, I figured that it's a good time to book and take a vacation; since I am doing great health wise; he has completely healed from his back surgery. Plus nothing helps reset the brain quite like a vacation. So, I will be spending my 25th birthday on a cruise. I am so ready to just hit the reset button and enjoy a week away from home with M; soaking up the sun and seeing some lovely destinations.

I hope you all are doing well and I will be sure to check in after my vacation. I think of you all daily even if I don't post daily and as frequently as I once did.

Hugs to everyone

[Pookyl]

Feeling mentally the best I’ve felt since the whole toxicity thing. In fact the best I’ve felt in a long time.
Body not on the same page. But that’s a whole other story.

[scatterbrained04]

Yesterday was rough. I think work stress or burn out really might be getting to me. Spent half the day angry and frustrated and then sank into depression. I don't think the dreary weather helped either. I seem to be sensitive to that. Pretty much came home from work and went laid in bed and cried. Didn't want to talk. My face was so heavy. Only got up to make salad for dinner, and then went back to bed. Slightly lost out against some SH thoughts. I am hoping sleep did me good and today will be better.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi! I am sorry you are feeling some fear.
I think they'd be glad to try to help.

We're here for you, too.

do you have a strategy for getting some sleep?

Much Love~

I didn’t get much sleep. Woke up every hour.

I’m going to tell my therapist today about my ability to sense supernatural forces (because the dark energy is bothering me), and how I feel like I’m being stalked. I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that I haven’t been into work since last Wednesday because I’m having a hard time trusting people. Like, I’m afraid of their intentions.

[Victoria'smom]

Well because of statements I made last night h will not leave me home alone. I will be at the library today. Fml.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I think your fear is warranted. I’d also wait til after vacation.

YOU have made great changes in your life .... Bipolar or not ....

Thanks Christina! Your support is most helpful and appreciated. I have made a lot of good changes and I've researched everything I can think of. I removed everything from my life that was potentially triggering and I have an awesome support system. My toolkit is pretty solid and now I simply need to have faith.

I plan to contact my therapist today to make some extra appointments. I was going once a month, but I think it will be a good idea to have a professional keeping an eye on me more regularly while I transition.

I know you've weaned off meds recently, so let me know if you have any tips you feel would be valuable.

I hope the drive home today isn't too stressful for you. I'm so glad you will be comfortable in your own home soon. Glorious air conditioning awaits you!

[Scooter9]

So I'm three weeks into my increased dose of Wellbutrin.

I'm definitely on the way up. My sleep has gone down to 7 hours, compared to the 8-9 I was sleeping for several years. My appetite has decreased. I'm having strange dreams and getting up at night (compared to sleeping like a stone for several years) . And I'm listening to my loud radio - I haven't done that in many years.

Strangely I'm still not feeling that good - not even close to my baseline. My body pains are still the same and my motivation and enjoyment of activities is still the same (near non-existant).

So I guess the Wellbutrin is taking it's time to work. I have 3 more weeks to find out - my pdoc wants me to be on the dose for 6 weeks before making any changes.

I read the forums a couple of times a day and send hugs to those of you struggling and high five for those of you that are doing better!

My husband got an email confirmation for a food order at a chain place he didn't make. Apparently someone has either stolen one of his credit card numbers or something else. He's investigating it. It's ridiculous! We only recently had to get a card replaced for this very same type of reason, and other times in the past, as well. Can't they do something to prevent criminals from doing this so easily?

Apparently the thief is from our state, but the food order was made in one halfway across the country. Hubby found out the last four digits of the card and we looked through ours and none match. I'm not sure how to explain that. I hope it's not an identity theft case. Hubby will be looking into this.

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok. Took vacation day today and hubby and I are going out of town tomorrow, yeah!!

I took the civil service exam Tuesday for the next level up at work. Not feeling good about that at all. I haven't taken a test in years lol. Oh well, I know what it's like and I'll just retake it when I can. The test for this position doesn't open up very often and I just kinda thought, what the heck, I'll just take it. Not really looking to leave the department I'm in now. I really do like it and I'm so happy I made the transfer, but it would also be nice to move up one more level before I retire.

This has been the longest I've been stable in years and it feels good. I actually have vacation time built back up and can take days off just to take off and not because I'm a mess. I think the move to this new department has been one of the best decisions I've made. I really like going to work every day now and I'm constantly learning new things. I love it!!

Hugs to all