[atisketatasket]

Continued from https://psychcentralforums.com/bipol...ml#post6600257

Post away!

[Nammu]

Thanks @@ it's nice your are on the ball!

[Innerzone]

Congratulations, wildflowerchild!

WC, I've got to admire your equanimity on the .gov situation! I'd be totally flipping my ****(!)

Christina... sigh... I wish for your situation to be better. All around. You are an amazing person! Your isolation sounds like good self care right now -- a reprieve.

*********

Around here, let's see... Tomorrow instead of regular T session, it's some yearly assessment (?) thing. I seem to recall there's a goal component. I'm thinking I'm going to try to address trauma -- my last relationship, especially how it destroyed my ability to trust, and maybe childhood stuff as well. And of course, continuing on the BDD, even though I think it's pretty hopeless and it's not considered a "serious" mental health issue. (I could go into why I understand that perception and how my case is far more extensive than that, but I'll spare you).

In good news, my boss was doing the (month/quarter/whatever, I wasn't totally clear) numbers yesterday, and I had the highest sales(!) That's a shocker, especially given how much time I missed! It also felt redeeming, as I made a really stupid mistake the other day and also really struggled with a project that caused me to get virtually nothing else done, so I was pretty down on my recent "valuable-ness". So the validation felt quite good. (Ha, how's this for telling? The boss exclaimed, "whoa, IZ!" and right away I said, "Oh no! Did I do something wrong?!")

Today's a day off with no set agenda. I plan on having a good one!

Sleep is still screwy, BUT I got a total of 7 hours of sleep last night. It's getting better!

Tonight, I'll be taking 1/4 of a tablet of rexulti rather than 1/2. Hopefully my sleep isn't *too* messed up after that, but I fear it might be for a while... Oh well. It'll pass; I'm sure of it.

Mood is pretty good as well. I think it helps that I'm taking 2 weeks to wean off rexulti rather than go cold turkey off it like I've done in the past. Literally have no withdrawal symptoms this time!

Anyway, I'm keeping myself busy at work and at home. Doing loads of stuff while my computer runs a bunch of software (that takes foreverrrr). Overall relaxing day. Had a mug of hot cocoa, too. Found some cocoa mix in my cabinets.

Innerzone, good luck with your yearly assessment! I wish I had such thing. Congrats on your top sales accomplished! Hey, if you bring the company good money, they sure can't bug you much for some occasional issue. Have a great day today!

I'm glad you got good sleep last night. I hope you adjust to your lower dose quickly. It sounds like you're on a good track all around.

My husband is going out to dinner with a buddy tonight. I'll actually be happy to have a break from meal prep stuff. I would like to work a bit more on cleaning cabinets. I want to get the remaining cooking stuff back in them instead of in boxes in my dining room. If it doesn't all happen by tonight, hopefully tomorrow.

I was very happy to see my psychiatrist today. I know he could tell. I actually got the feeling that he was happy to be back, too.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband is going out to dinner with a buddy tonight. I'll actually be happy to have a break from meal prep stuff. I would like to work a bit more on cleaning cabinets. I want to get the remaining cooking stuff back in them instead of in boxes in my dining room. If it doesn't all happen by tonight, hopefully tomorrow.

I was very happy to see my psychiatrist today. I know he could tell. I actually got the feeling that he was happy to be back, too.

glad everything went well with your PDoc, BirdDancer!

[liveforsummer]

Day 3 with no cymbalta. Stopped cold turkey as had only been on it 4 1/2 wks. Zero side effects of any kind at this point so good thing.

Good day today. Suns out and not too hot.
Going to a concert tomorrow night on my own, (no one else interested in seeing this band so I figure who cares I’m going anyway!)
excited 😁

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Going to a concert tomorrow night on my own, (no one else interested in seeing this band so I figure who cares I’m going anyway!)
excited 😁

Ha! That's what I always say! Hope you have a GREAT time!!

[yellow_fleurs]

It's been a busy week so far. Been getting up around 5 the past couple of days and working longer days to get something done at work, however at least I feel some renewed motivation. Also, what with the move, and not being unpacked I am a bit of a mess! Can't find things, forgetting things haha. I just need the energy to unpack now. I should set small goals, a couple boxes a day or something. I also worked out at the gym with my friend yesterday and might try to go again tomorrow. I am starting to like the way it makes me feel, a good release of anxiety and stress.

I had therapy on Monday and we ended up talking about my frustration with not being believed by doctors with my history of pain and other issues, however my therapist implied my pain might be psychosomatic and I don't totally agree so not sure how I feel about that. Frustrated I guess. Anyways I need to go in more goal oriented to my next therapy session. At least I am taking care of myself and using coping skills in between sessions, so I can focus on the steps I am taking in the right direction.

Sending compassion to all. I am behind on posts so will have to go back an catch up on how everyone is doing.

[Daonnachd]

I saw my T today. She'd been away for several weeks participating in a conference in Spain so this was the first time in a while I had seen her. She gave me a book for my birthday which passed while she was away. It's titled A Primer for Forgetting. Inside the cover she wrote: "Dear E-, Who better to enjoy a book about the benefits of forgetting? Happy birthday." My T rocks!

A brief note to Bluebicycle regarding the transgender coworker: Please remember we cannot guess why someone would choose to transition when they do. Nor could we begin to imagine what the journey before transition was like. I'm open to a private conversation about this if so desired.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Congratulations, wildflowerchild!

WC, I've got to admire your equanimity on the .gov situation! I'd be totally flipping my ****(!)

Christina... sigh... I wish for your situation to be better. All around. You are an amazing person! Your isolation sounds like good self care right now -- a reprieve.

*********

Around here, let's see... Tomorrow instead of regular T session, it's some yearly assessment (?) thing. I seem to recall there's a goal component. I'm thinking I'm going to try to address trauma -- my last relationship, especially how it destroyed my ability to trust, and maybe childhood stuff as well. And of course, continuing on the BDD, even though I think it's pretty hopeless and it's not considered a "serious" mental health issue. (I could go into why I understand that perception and how my case is far more extensive than that, but I'll spare you).

In good news, my boss was doing the (month/quarter/whatever, I wasn't totally clear) numbers yesterday, and I had the highest sales(!) That's a shocker, especially given how much time I missed! It also felt redeeming, as I made a really stupid mistake the other day and also really struggled with a project that caused me to get virtually nothing else done, so I was pretty down on my recent "valuable-ness". So the validation felt quite good. (Ha, how's this for telling? The boss exclaimed, "whoa, IZ!" and right away I said, "Oh no! Did I do something wrong?!")

Today's a day off with no set agenda. I plan on having a good one!

Hi IZ! Congrats on being tops in sales! I think I can see where you would be very good at sales! You have a great personality!

I keep going back to setting some goals with my pdoc, but we just don't get to them, as it seems I am often simply running around, putting out fires. i hope your goal-setting works out well for you!

I hope you did have a great day today!
I wish you many more!
Much Love ~!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sleep is still screwy, BUT I got a total of 7 hours of sleep last night. It's getting better!

Tonight, I'll be taking 1/4 of a tablet of rexulti rather than 1/2. Hopefully my sleep isn't *too* messed up after that, but I fear it might be for a while... Oh well. It'll pass; I'm sure of it.

Mood is pretty good as well. I think it helps that I'm taking 2 weeks to wean off rexulti rather than go cold turkey off it like I've done in the past. Literally have no withdrawal symptoms this time!

Anyway, I'm keeping myself busy at work and at home. Doing loads of stuff while my computer runs a bunch of software (that takes foreverrrr). Overall relaxing day. Had a mug of hot cocoa, too. Found some cocoa mix in my cabinets.

Hey Blue!
it sounds like you are having a good week!
I think you are very wise to taper the med. I am glad this has been helpful for you!

I'm gonna stop by for a hot cocoa sometime and you can show me all of the stuff you do with electronics! Wouldn't that be fun for me!!!

Great hearing how life is treating you!
Much Love ~

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I saw my T today. She'd been away for several weeks participating in a conference in Spain so this was the first time in a while I had seen her. She gave me a book for my birthday which passed while she was away. It's titled A Primer for Forgetting. Inside the cover she wrote: "Dear E-, Who better to enjoy a book about the benefits of forgetting? Happy birthday." My T rocks!

A brief note to Bluebicycle regarding the transgender coworker: Please remember we cannot guess why someone would choose to transition when they do. Nor could we begin to imagine what the journey before transition was like. I'm open to a private conversation about this if so desired.

Hi! What a wonderful therapist! I'd laughed heartily when I'd read your post. Always great to have you posting!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Ha! That's what I always say! Hope you have a GREAT time!!

That's what I am saying these days! There's a concert coming up soon and I really want to go. It's within 2 miles of my home. I just have to go!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband is going out to dinner with a buddy tonight. I'll actually be happy to have a break from meal prep stuff. I would like to work a bit more on cleaning cabinets. I want to get the remaining cooking stuff back in them instead of in boxes in my dining room. If it doesn't all happen by tonight, hopefully tomorrow.

I was very happy to see my psychiatrist today. I know he could tell. I actually got the feeling that he was happy to be back, too.

I also so enjoy breaks from cooking!
I hope your cabinet project has gone well for you!
Much Love ~

[~Christina]

I feel utterly sick , was awake all night sweaty, no temp just felt like I was just hot hot hot .. Finally got 1-2 broken hours of sleep at most. Headache, allergies, a lot of trouble taking a deep breathe , my inhalers didn’t help much. I just feel exhausted and feel like death is right around the corner and hope it hurries it up I feel like I’m being baked in the oven. Of course my pain is incredibly high but has been for weeks now.

My Husband just was yammering away like mad about us leaving for Florida Friday today , hurry hurry let’s go go go go all excited !!

I finally said OK you need you to stop all this you are stressing me totally out, I can’t handle it. He kinda snapped at me and I said , just , please, stop, I , can’t , handle , it, I’m, sick. He apologized.

So his Doctor appt went well , his labs are heading back to normal, at hospital discharge I told him he HAS to listen to the Doctors advice. He agreed. So his Dr wants him to repeat labs on Monday to make sure things are still going okay. I internally was gratefuk.. I didn’t say anything .. I know he is disappointed.

I have taken 4 very cool showers today to try and cool down, I’m super hydrated.

I thought okay ... What if this is just pure anxiety and panic lasting over a day??? I have been taking my Xanax 3 a day , so popped 2 xtra while out... nope , not a bit of help.

There’s no Med changes or anything.

I see my rheumatologist tomorrow I’m just dreading the trip he’s 1.5 hours away. But I need my 6 week blood work done.

I honestly wouldn’t care if I fell over dead at the moment.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

It's been a busy week so far. Been getting up around 5 the past couple of days and working longer days to get something done at work, however at least I feel some renewed motivation. Also, what with the move, and not being unpacked I am a bit of a mess! Can't find things, forgetting things haha. I just need the energy to unpack now. I should set small goals, a couple boxes a day or something. I also worked out at the gym with my friend yesterday and might try to go again tomorrow. I am starting to like the way it makes me feel, a good release of anxiety and stress.

I had therapy on Monday and we ended up talking about my frustration with not being believed by doctors with my history of pain and other issues, however my therapist implied my pain might be psychosomatic and I don't totally agree so not sure how I feel about that. Frustrated I guess. Anyways I need to go in more goal oriented to my next therapy session. At least I am taking care of myself and using coping skills in between sessions, so I can focus on the steps I am taking in the right direction.

Sending compassion to all. I am behind on posts so will have to go back an catch up on how everyone is doing.

Why on earth would a therapist do that? You were talking about how doctors don't believe you and THAT was the response? "psychosomatic pain?"

I am very sorry that happened to you! Definitely not very validating!

I also deal with a lot of pain and have for many years now. I remember when I'd had a couple of doctors who were quite ignorant and I took the brunt of their ignorance.

It's bad enough when you are trying to cope with very real pain, without the supposed "helpers" invalidating you and your very real story. Your reality -- living in pain -- deserves proper acknowledgement, complete validation, appropriate care and a lot of compassion.

When reading about "healing" in Native American tribes, the emphasis was put upon allowing the person to tell his/her story, in detail, while the whole community gathered 'round and had listened deeply. This act was an important part of healing, including with some of the most difficult cases of PTSD.

This deep listening and this type of support can absolutely help one on his/her healing path. This is compassion and validation... and Love!

And so, if you feel unheard , misunderstood, invalidated, please do tell your therapist. It's critical you feel heard, understood and fully validated. Therapists are human and do make mistakes. Yet, this is a very important challenge for you -- dealing with your pain.

I do hear you. I am very sorry you must deal with pain. Many of us here also deal with physical pain. Please do reach out on this anytime!

Much Love ~

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I feel utterly sick , was awake all night sweaty, no temp just felt like I was just hot hot hot .. Finally got 1-2 broken hours of sleep at most. Headache, allergies, a lot of trouble taking a deep breathe , my inhalers didn’t help much. I just feel exhausted and feel like death is right around the corner and hope it hurries it up I feel like I’m being baked in the oven. Of course my pain is incredibly high but has been for weeks now.

My Husband just was yammering away like mad about us leaving for Florida Friday today , hurry hurry let’s go go go go all excited !!

I finally said OK you need you to stop all this you are stressing me totally out, I can’t handle it. He kinda snapped at me and I said , just , please, stop, I , can’t , handle , it, I’m, sick. He apologized.

So his Doctor appt went well , his labs are heading back to normal, at hospital discharge I told him he HAS to listen to the Doctors advice. He agreed. So his Dr wants him to repeat labs on Monday to make sure things are still going okay. I internally was gratefuk.. I didn’t say anything .. I know he is disappointed.

I have taken 4 very cool showers today to try and cool down, I’m super hydrated.

I thought okay ... What if this is just pure anxiety and panic lasting over a day??? I have been taking my Xanax 3 a day , so popped 2 xtra while out... nope , not a bit of help.

There’s no Med changes or anything.

I see my rheumatologist tomorrow I’m just dreading the trip he’s 1.5 hours away. But I need my 6 week blood work done.

I honestly wouldn’t care if I fell over dead at the moment.

I'm very concerned about you!
There are not words for how concerned.
I wish I could help somehow.

Please don't forget that your physical conditions are apt to (all) act up under so much stress. Fibromyalgia and/or Psoriatic Arthritis are systemic in nature and can cause all kinds of symptoms. Both cause fatigue and pain. My rheumy also talks about Psoriatic Arthritis flares being very painful AND feeling like one has the flu.

Just the amount of stress and the lack of sleep is enough to cause very severe problems. Add in the other "conditions" you also deal with... and yikes!

I wish I could ... take care of you until you recover.
What can I do to help? Anything?

I'm here if you need to chat, vent, etc.
I love you and I hate the fact that you are suffering.

Much Love ~

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I'm very concerned about you!

There are not words for how concerned.

I wish I could help somehow.


Please don't forget that your physical conditions are apt to (all) act up under so much stress. Fibromyalgia and/or Psoriatic Arthritis are systemic in nature and can cause all kinds of symptoms. Both cause fatigue and pain. My rheumy also talks about Psoriatic Arthritis flares being very painful AND feeling like one has the flu.


Just the amount of stress and the lack of sleep is enough to cause very severe problems. Add in the other "conditions" you also deal with... and yikes!


I wish I could ... take care of you until you recover.

What can I do to help? Anything?


I'm here if you need to chat, vent, etc.

I love you and I hate the fact that you are suffering.


Much Love ~

Awww thanks hun

Yeah I think all my conditions are flared to the max. I’m sure my inflammation rate is going to be very highly elevated tomorrow when I get my labs done. I have a few more areas that exploded into psoriasis flare, none of them in a fun place either , so that’s just joyful

I know people might be quick to say “ oh well go get right back on your psych meds and things will get all better “

Well here’s what I think and know. Bipolar meds won’t fix my PTSD triggers for the last few months or ever, nor will they fix all the scary situational stuff happening like my husband in the hospital and almost dying, it won’t fix the fact my routines will be destroyed while gone for 3-4 weeks to Florida.

Going back on them ?? They are going to further damage organs that truly need a break from a constant huge wash of chemicals injested daily , for so many years. Some meds I have no choice but to take, asthma girls gotta breath etc

I have a huge tool box of coping skills and I’m pretty good at using them. I just feel like right now I can’t get in front of my pain so it’s a million times worse. Situational stuff is just kicking my fat as$.

My husband hasn’t mentioned anything about packing for the Florida trip etc since I asked him not to and for that I’m so grateful.

I hope I can get more than 1-2 hours of sleep tonight. I’m sure that will greatly improve my ability to cope.

I’m just tired and coming off the extreme adrenaline overload I had for over a week.

Maybe I’ll wake up and not cry in pain and yell at the birds chirping to stfu ???

I’m so sick of myself