[Blueberrybook]

A lot is going on in my life right now. H still finding his way at his job as he got a director position of a new makerspace (giant and quite impressive) but he has zero budget to buy basic materials and tools for the students to work with.

Looking into moving into Beaumont (farther from Houston than we are now), but the school ratings there suck. You can move into a small outside town with better schools, but then you are isolated, and H would be looking at up to a 45 min. commute vs. the 1.5 hr. commute he has now, which is still long. If we're going to uproot we have to accept we may have to find the money to send my daughter (6th grade) to private school or homeschool her. We need to look at more houses. We were looking at the outlying areas so much, we stopped focusing on Beaumont. H's job is in Beaumont, and if we are moving to be closer to his job, we really should have him closer to his work. You can't put a value on the time he would have to spend with our daughter vs. being so worn out from the day and drive, he just wants to sleep.

Right now, I am so not feeling real life. I just want to retreat. Don't want to cook, do laundry, plan meals, do dishes, yardwork, housework, take care of the cats.

I am spending a lot of time losing myself in mindless games, online searches that keep going as I think of thing after thing to search, different websites to go to, sometimes reading (concentration is hard), things like thinking of couponing and spending ages on it but not doing it, wasting time with this & that (iPhone that won't sync to fitbit or something, always I have electronics issues), messing with Spotify, writing posts right now when I need breakfast.

Time just goes, and I don't have anything to show for it. Often, I will think back to what I did that took 2 hr. and can't come up with any good reason why it took that long.

My brain is a mess

I think it's common to have a brief period of "freeze" before major changes in life. I'm sure you'll be able to get more into the roll of things soon.

Fern46 wrote that she home schools. I know of a few people that do, but I know relatively little about it. I do know that some private schools offer at least partial scholarships to students. If money is tight, it could be possible for a private school to offer one to your daughter. I was given a partial scholarship to attend a private school when I was in high school. That school offered grades 6 to 12. I know a lot of private schools where I currently live, that have middle school grades. I'll agree that the education can sometimes be much better than public schools. It would figure that I live in an area that has outstanding public schools, but it never did my husband and me any good. We pay extremely high property taxes, and yet never had a child to send to those "great public schools".

[fern46]

Hey Blueberrybook. I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I hope relaxing helps. You've had a lot going on and I'm glad you're taking time for self care.

Like BirdDancer mentioned, I homeschool. I was hesitant to do it all on my own so we joined a homeschool co-op program. We go to school with a class a few days a week and then do the rest at home. The teacher provides the lesson plans and we follow the plan for the days at home. This allows my children to have time each week learning with other children and it takes the pressure off of me to be responsible for everything. We really like this style and it is a great fit for our needs.

Co-op programs can be pricey, but they are typically more affordable than private school. You get smaller class sizes and the children typically tend to thrive because they receive so much wonderful attention while they learn. They also tend to have instructors for foreign languages and other specialized classes you may not want to teach at home on your own.

In my research I found a number of co-op options. Some were schools that meet all day several days a week and some were more like a-la-carte programs where you only attend the classes you are interested in. Some are Christian and others are secular. I was amazed at all of the great options.

Just a few things to consider. I hope this helps.

[Blueberrybook]

I never heard of co-op schools for homeschooling. Some of the private schools are $10,000 a year or maybe that’s a semester though H has heard from a co-worker that certain of the Christian ones will consider hardships, other issues like owing on hospitalization for that ulcer surgery I had and it’s aftermath and for iron infusions and drop tuition by half, but it’s still a lot. That doesn’t even get at the psych stuff though thankfully I have avoided psych hospitals of late. We have considered the idea of homeschooling but we’d have to find some activities for my daughter to do with kids her own age. And it’s a tough age, tweens. My daughter is a good self learner, and on the positive, both homeschooling or private school would get her out of the zillions of state mandated exams, which has dumbed down the public school system horribly in Texas because teachers teach for the test. Schools get scrutinized over these scores by the state, and pretty much can be shut down based on these scores.

Though there are times my daughter and I are like oil and water, others we get on fine. I focus too much on little things and miss the big picture.

I need back in therapy but need a new T as the one I had was canceling so much, I would see her maybe once every 3 weeks. I have realized I live my life and react to most situations as I did as a child at home, constantly terrified of my father (verbal and physical abuse), other stuff happening along the way not related to my father, never feeling that whatever I did was good enough for him, no positive reinforcement at all. My mom alone was fine, but with him, she never spoke up for us or went against his wishes. So I live still not feeling safe, feeling like that 4 year old girl pleading to stay longer and longer at my grandparents’ house, so I wouldn’t have to go home and be around my dad (who has his own business and works from home). I know H is completely opposite of pretty much everything about my father, H won’t react like my dad would have in any situation, and I am safe, but I can’t make myself feel safe and relax, I think I have fight or flight on a good 90, 95% of the time. Even now.

[fern46]

Definitely look into it if you get a chance. Its like a halfway point between private school and full time homeschool. It also gives me a break a few days a week which is an added bonus. The cost is way less than what you mentioned for the private schools in your area.

[Victoria'smom]

My son goes to co-op 1x a week. At one point we were doing 3x a week. One is a drop off, the other two the parents have to stay on campus. We teach classes to offset the cost of the classes my son takes. So we "make" enough to cover materials, lunch, gas, and tuition. We used cheap curriculum so it cost less then school lunch for the year.

[luvyrself]

Oh love, dont homeschool. I was a third grade teacher. I have no doubt you could do it,but you don’t need the stress. Because you and I have mixed states I read all your posts, so I know how much you struggle.
I think you have cptsd from your father as well as ptsd from that salon incident.
A doctor in Chicago(Lipov) is giving injections for ptsd. It’s called SGB, originally a shot for pain.He is having good success rates and Im sure other pain docs will start doing this for ptsd. I would still call it cutting edge however.
I agree you shouldn’t worry about vegging out sometimes. You mind is still processing the transition ahead and incubating ideas. Sometimes I get ideas when I take an extended break that I dont have if I just keep on trying to figure things out.

[MickeyCheeky]

Baby steps, @Blueberrybook. I know you've probably heard that a lot but I feel like it's good to remember that sometimes. I'm REALLY HAPPY that ALL the other wise, wonderful posters are helping you out and giving you such WONDERFUL advice for you and your daughter. I hope it will prove to be useful for BOTH of you! Please remember to be kind to yourself. Taking some time to rest is NOTHING wrong at all. I understand how you feel though. Just keep trying your best to keep your mind occupied. I'm SURE you'll be able to get through ALL of this! Please DO keep trying! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your WONDERFUL Family, @Blueberrybook! STICK TOGETHER AND KEEP FIGHTING!