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Victoria'smom
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#21
I was so nervous. It was easy we went over my last intake, Current symptoms, Dx. (schizoaffective), and safety plan. In 3 weeks I meet my therapist. I have their number, my psychiatrists number and the suicide hotline number. I was more put together then at night. I said what was going on but not the feelings or fear associated with it. She reminded me the hospital is always an option. I explained my fear (not that they won't let me out) just that my fear of the hospital keeps me safe.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Victoria'smom
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#22
H was saying he hates that I "get better" the closer my appointments, today I'm the most stable I've been in a while. He's okay with me having weekly appointments right now. He's concerned. He wants me on more medication. He doesn't know I was so scared that I was crying yesterday. I have an appointment the 5th also. This all seems so far away. I know they really can't help right now. I'm wearing headphones blaring music to keep the voices out. It's so ****en tiring your mind running all the time.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#23
How are you feeling today?
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Legendary
Victoria'smom
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#24
Quote:
So I’ve been talking to my husband. I asked him to put up the tools. He was horrified. I tried explaining but it goes against my cleanliness issue. Now he doesn’t even want me in the kitchen because of sharp objects. He said I’m not getting better. I argued with examples and really pissed him off. I guess I haven’t been telling him the ****ed up things. He reminded me we’re not enemies. He firmly believes I need more medication, that this won’t just pass. I have the feeling he would have contacted my treatment team if we were in WV. He was urged to call and I had access to walk in appointments m-f with pdoc. I know they’d be pissed. The whole quality of life speech pdoc gave me is echoing in my head. We were told we don’t get to make decisions about each others health. They fired us from that position because we’d let things go to far before intervention. I need a team I trust, that trusts me. No one trusts me. I’m hopeful that new T will do that. I wish intake T was my T. I’m going to ask pdoc if I can see her monthly even when I’m well. If not I may ask my new T if any of their drs. can do that. I just feel wrong asking for appointments I don’t need when pdocs are hard to find. I’m going to ask my husband first if it’s okay with him. I have to do this before I accept this is just how my life is and get use to it. I told him his meds aren’t working either. He wanted me to give examples but I don’t want him to feel bad or get defensive. He already has enough stress with school starting. The only break through symptoms right now is my leg shaking. H says it’s anxiety. Right now I’m in the mood I’d take any drug they’d throw at me I just want my head quiet, I’m tired. I’m counting down 17 days. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Victoria'smom
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#25
Maybe they need a break from me, I need a break from me. I'm so ****en so indecisive.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Legendary
Victoria'smom
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#26
So I called pdoc and She has no openings on Monday. I was told to call back Monday morning.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Victoria'smom
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#27
I asked my husband if he was okay with me seeing pdoc more he said it's okay . So now I have to ask pdoc when I see her.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#28
I see you are trying to take steps to get more care and I think that's great. I hope your pdoc can see you more often. I also think it's good you are taking precautions to keep yourself safe. Do your T's not trust you to stay safe, is that what you mean?
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Legendary
Victoria'smom
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#29
Do your T's not trust you to stay safe, is that what you mean? My H doesn't. I currently don't have a T (getting one on the 11th) and pdoc has no idea whats been going on. I fear if I'm honest with pdoc she wont trust me either BUT I was honest with intake T and she trusted me enough to let me go home. So my fear that they'll hospitalize me is unfounded. I keep trying to remind myself that if I was that bad intake would have kept me. That it's just my anxiety/paranoia.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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