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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 12:04 AM
  #1
I've been getting messages twisted lately and I really don't know to what extent. At my last pdoc appointment I just felt like she was out to get me and wished harm upon me, but here I am at 1am wide awake thinking maybe that was just some more of my twisted thinking. The appointment before that didn't go so great either, but because she wouldn't lower any doses when I could barely function because of side effects. Today I was told in group that there would probably be no other available psychiatrists at this mental health center for a while unless I get lucky, but I haven't had the greatest luck with any psychiatrist really so I'm not expecting to get anyone better even if I get someone else.
I see my t tomorrow. Should I ask her if it's possible to find a new psychiatrist or should I wait until my thinking clears up and I'm not angry at everything that breathes?

And how do you deal with psychosis and finally listening to everyone that cares about you and not really being sure with what's real and what isn't?
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mndoddamani
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 05:35 AM
  #2
I had the same ****. And I got rid off it by practicing meditation precisely vipassana meditation.. It will help you. Give a try brother
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 09:31 AM
  #3
Take a step back. Talk to your therapist about all of this but don't make a formal request yet.

When I can't listen to anyone IRL. I listen to PC. Hence why I'm not currently waiting my turn. 200+ strangers that don't have a dog in the fight all giving you similar answers means something. Sometimes I think it's my T or pdoc writing on the forum to me but certain people here can break through that and I "know" they're real people.

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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 10:13 AM
  #4
I think it makes sense to possibly stick with your pdoc for a while. It can take a while for a doctor to learn the specifics of your case and starting all over may not be any better than what you already have. You can explain to her that part of your symptoms include struggling to trust her and you're wanting to get the most out of your visits anyway. It usually goes a long way with people to clear the air and to let them know you have good intentions. She's a professional and should strive to help you anyway, but she's also human and may not appreciate your previous behavior.

I think it is really great you are considering your treatment options in this way. You've made a lot of progress in just a few days. On the whole, people are usually trying to be helpful. Giving them the benefit of the doubt will typically prove to be beneficial.

It may make sense to spend time brainstorming what your goals are for seeking treatment. Define what your expectations are. You can then share that list with your doctor to see if your needs are reasonable for her to meet.

There's also nothing wrong with asking for a new doctor if that's what you decide. I think the only wrong path was sticking with the thinking that your doctors are out to get you. I am sure there are some truly crap doctors out there, but most of them are just trying to do their jobs. Partnering with them ensures you receive the best possible outcome.
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 11:07 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Take a step back. Talk to your therapist about all of this but don't make a formal request yet.

When I can't listen to anyone IRL. I listen to PC. Hence why I'm not currently waiting my turn. 200+ strangers that don't have a dog in the fight all giving you similar answers means something. Sometimes I think it's my T or pdoc writing on the forum to me but certain people here can break through that and I "know" they're real people.
I have that same thought about my treatment team being on the forum. I told my therapist about all the things I *think* she said/did, but I didn't tell her I may have misinterpreted somethings.

Thanks fern, a lot of things have clicked over the past few days and although it hurts a lot more, I think it makes it a tad easier to function to know I'm in a time where I have to do reality checks and question every single thought that comes along right now.

Now the big question, will I be able to cope in healthy ways until my next appointment? I have not be able to do so thus far, but maybe things will be different.
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #6
When is your next appointment?

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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 11:44 AM
  #7
In two weeks
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Default Aug 21, 2019 at 02:35 PM
  #8
How are you doing today, spikes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
When I can't listen to anyone IRL. I listen to PC. Hence why I'm not currently waiting my turn. 200+ strangers that don't have a dog in the fight all giving you similar answers means something. Sometimes I think it's my T or pdoc writing on the forum to me but certain people here can break through that and I "know" they're real people.
This makes me very glad to read. I feel distress when I read my peeps having distorted thinking and paranoia. I want so much for them to be able to come out of it. You make a very good point in pointing out that we here at PC "don't have a dog in the fight". It's such a good thing to remember!

Quote:
Originally Posted by spikes View Post
I have that same thought about my treatment team being on the forum.
Most people spend their leisure time doing anything BUT spend more time "on the job", right? Besides, they've got more things relevant to their personal lives to do I'm sure. Like grocery shopping, taking showers, cooking, being with their kids, doing laundry, etc, etc.... just like everybody else. Not to mention what a violation of ethics it would be. It would be incredibly stupid for someone to jeopardize their career to do such a thing.

You can rest assured that I'm a real person, and don't work in healthcare at all, let alone mental health. (I work in an art field. )

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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 07:41 AM
  #9
I'm alright, I guess. I actually kinda listened to my pdoc and am taking Invega every morning (Zyprexa I'm only taking PRN and I'm also taking some old Remeron if I really need some sleep). I showed up to therapy stoned and don't remember what we talked about (other than me *****ing about my doctor), but she wants to see me in a week instead of every two weeks. Still paranoid and irritable, but controlling my aggression is much easier.
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