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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 08:07 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
Just checking in with you, Blue. My day had gotten very busy. You have been on my mind, however. i hope you have had a reasonably good day. I also hope you have a decent night.

Does that guy act up every night, or more so on weekends? Anytime would be to much!
Is there a way to totally block him out?
It's not a good environment for you.

Innerzone is right on. The Entity, and more, surface when you drop your anti-psychotic med. I am sorry you suffer in this way.

I am concerned about you.. and am here for you..
He acts up randomly. It’s not everyday. At least once a week for sure, though.

It’s kind of hard to block him out when your windows are literally vibrating from his loud TV. I’m sure he irritates others as well because you can hear him from outside, especially when he hosts those drunk parties outside. (He lives on the first floor and his porch is connected to the parking lot, where they all drink.) But because he’s terrifying, I don’t think anyone wants to say anything. I wish I could help the poor lady since it really sounds like she’s being abused.

I try to listen to music or YouTube, although sometimes I can still hear him through that.

I don’t live in the ghetto or a crime-ridden neighborhood. In fact, this area is one of the more “desirable” areas to live, but it just goes to show that abuse can happen anywhere.

Anyway, I’ll talk to my therapist tomorrow about my concerns regarding long-term antipsychotic use.

I’m still anxious today about the supernatural force, and that someone is watching me through cameras. Part of me says that no way this isn’t true. But then another part of me physically feels the energy emanating from the supernatural force. I mean, if it wasn’t real, why would I feel it?
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 08:43 AM
  #22
Hey Blue. I understand what you mean about feeling a supernatural force emanating energy around you. I experienced that when I was in psychosis. I also had the experience that I was living in a not so real reality. Both of those felt 100% true at the time.

I am an analyst and a strategist. I've been here looking for patterns ever since I got sick about 9 months ago. I feel like if I can understand how psychosis manifests, I can better recognize it in the future and separate my delusions from reality. I have noticed a pattern here with several of us who experience psychosis. We feel there is an energy force that is beyond us that is exerting force upon us. Some of these are positive and some are negative. I realize there are things outside of my knowing that I cannot explain. However, it strikes me as important that the experiences with these energies resolve when certain medication changes are made. That leads me to believe that this is a manifestation of the brain and our brains are incorrectly interpreting a phenomena we create for ourselves. The alternative would mean the entity senses when your meds are right and then goes away. That seems possible, but honestly far less likely.

My belief is you are experiencing psychosis. Try telling yourself that your brain is misfiring and responding incorrectly to an increase in neural activity. That may help you deal with the feelings. I don't know if that will work, but it is the best plan I've crafted for myself if this ever happens to me again. I also plan to visualize my little bubble I spoke about earlier and to focus on pulsing out the energy I want to emit as opposed to worrying about outside forces acting upon me. I think of us as having both transmission and reception centers and focusing more on what I am consciously sending out will maybe help me to forget about the manifestations around me.

I hope this helps a little. I do know how this feels and it was very uncomfortable for me. I hope you find some peace today.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 09:14 AM
  #23
Hi bluebicycle. I'm sorry to read that you are still struggling with anxiety. I am sorry I'm late in supporting you in this thread.

The beauty of all of the responses here are that there are a great variety of them. I know from experience that it takes trying a number of things to see what helps best. Also, I've had different types of anxiety, at times, that sometimes respond well to different things than previous bouts of anxiety did.

I also don't think visualization techniques are quackery. I've had more than one wise psychologist recommend using them. They have often helped me combat certain types of anxiety, but sometimes require practice. A lot of anxiety fighting tactics require practice.

I may seem like a broken record suggesting this, but using a Dysfunctional Thought Record (available for free online) has been the overall most helpful anxiety fighter for me. It helps fight dysfunctional thinking. That helps combat anxious thinking, depressed thinking, other dysfunctional thinking, and even manic type thinking, to a degree. This includes anxious feelings that may not have an obvious cause. You know, like "Why am I anxious? I can't figure out why, but I am anyway." There is a very good web article about this on the International Bipolar Foundation website at Putting Your Thoughts on Trial: How to Use CBT Thought Records | International Bipolar Foundation .

You may also want to consider if the anxiety is related to some anxious hypomania, which is common. It is often an anxiety that fits into the "no obvious cause" category. The importance in knowing this is that it may affect a psychiatrist's medication prescribing strategy.

Last edited by Anonymous46341; Aug 22, 2019 at 09:34 AM..
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 05:08 PM
  #24
I can totally sympathize with your description of this panic episode. When I get a panic attack, I am paralyzed. The period just before and after the attack are longer than the actual attack and just as disruptive to my life. Paranoia can hit me hard like it has you.


I have struggled with panic attacks for over 30 years. I have had different strategies of dealing with them over time. I have finally found a way that helps me get through them a lot easier. I remind myself that I am actually safe. I remind myself that this is a trick of my biochemistry and it will pass. I do deep breathing exercises to regulate my heartbeat and stop the sweating. We tend to breathe more shallow when in a panic and getting air deep into the lungs really helps. I also place a cold cloth on the back of my neck or forehead.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Know that you are never alone.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 06:19 PM
  #25
Hi Blue! Just checking in for the day. I have been thinking of you.
How has your day been going for you?

I gave in and took a higher dose of Seroquel last night. I finally slept. Many symptoms went away. I was left too tired, too groggy for too much of the day. Yet, I could not have functioned well today if I had not slept either. Sometimes, it feels like a catch-22. I am hoping that if I can sleep on a regular basis that the odd symptoms will go away and I can finally get more done during the day. You and I talk about meds quite a bit, so wanted to let you know what I ended up doing with mine last night.

Maybe you have a note in the check-in thread. I'll go look.

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 08:49 AM
  #26
Thanks for all of your support and wise advice

I have therapy in about 15 minutes and I’m nervous as helllllll. I’m sitting in the parking lot right now.

Part of me is nervous because I don’t see her car here (I guess maybe her husband dropped her off? I’m not sure... but I’m scared that maybe she’s not here! Like because of a family emergency... and THEN what am I going to do???). Another part of me is nervous because I don’t know what she’s going to say or do. And another part of me is nervous because I sense the dark energy and am concerned that someone has stalked me all the way to the therapy office.

I’m trying to relax and take deep breaths, telling myself that no way is someone following me, but it’s really not helping. My heart is racing fast and every little sound or movement makes me jump.

Wish me luck.
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Heart Aug 23, 2019 at 09:17 AM
  #27
Hi Blue,

Maybe try at least getting your anxiety treated?

As I have explained, panic/anxiety becomes self-perpetuating. The more episodes you have had, the more you are apt to have. It's similar/the same as "kindling." The pattern needs to be stopped/interrupted.

I hope your appointment goes well.
Much Love ~

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Heart Aug 23, 2019 at 09:23 AM
  #28
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Originally Posted by Nevuary View Post
I can totally sympathize with your description of this panic episode. When I get a panic attack, I am paralyzed. The period just before and after the attack are longer than the actual attack and just as disruptive to my life. Paranoia can hit me hard like it has you.


I have struggled with panic attacks for over 30 years. I have had different strategies of dealing with them over time. I have finally found a way that helps me get through them a lot easier. I remind myself that I am actually safe. I remind myself that this is a trick of my biochemistry and it will pass. I do deep breathing exercises to regulate my heartbeat and stop the sweating. We tend to breathe more shallow when in a panic and getting air deep into the lungs really helps. I also place a cold cloth on the back of my neck or forehead.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Know that you are never alone.
Nevuary
Hi Nevuary,

Welcome to PC.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
So glad you have jumped in and have joined us!

My Best to You!

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 09:37 AM
  #29
Good luck Blue. For me it wasn't as bad as I think it'll be.

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  #30
I told my therapist about my concern of being watched by other people, not trusting what people are going to do to me. I also told her about how I can sense a supernatural presence around me, and that I feel its dark energy flowing through my veins. I asked her for advice on how to handle the anxiety.

She says I am psychotic and experiencing "severe paranoia." She said that increasing my Zoloft or re-adding klonopin to my cocktail will treat some of the anxiety that stems from the paranoia, but that antipsychotics are needed to treat the paranoia itself and that the anxiety won't go away until the paranoia goes away.

She mentioned the word "hospital" as well. F_CK NO. She implied that I am headed down a path that may end up with me in the hospital.

She wants me to take an antipsychotic and says not to focus so much on the long-term effects because in the short-term, I am not functioning well and the short-term "is just as important." She also basically said (like, she didn't LITERALLY say this to me, but this is the general idea) that I'm wrecking my life right now and that I should focus on piecing together the present.
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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 10:37 AM
  #31
Hi Blue, Can you get in touch with your pdoc ASAP? I say ASAP because it is a weekend and you may need a medication over the weekend.It is best to have it on hand in case you decide to take it. I would not increase the Zoloft without specific instructions/guidance from your pdoc. Sometimes, ADs can be a recipe for disaster for people with BP,especially with BPI. Please be very careful, as it is possible you could end up in the hospital. Do everything you can to stay out of the hospital. Stay safe. If you need to go to the hospital, please do go. Please do call your pdoc now.

We are here for you!
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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 10:46 AM
  #32
I'm just going to give up and take the f***ing rexulti since they're going to force me into the f***ing hospital if I don't.

WC: she wanted me to set up an appt with my pdoc (I forgot to mention that), but f*** that s***. I am NOT f***ing talking to him. The only thing he did was try to convince me that I'm going to be come mentally retarded if I don't take it, and quite honestly, I don't buy that f***ing argument. I think it's a load of b*llsh*t.

Oh, and I'm supposed to meet with my therapist again next Friday, at her request.

I came close to having a panic attack in the waiting room because the dark energy was consuming me, and any one of the "patients" there could have been hostile. I trust NO ONE in there. They are all the same... they are untrustworthy.
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Heart Aug 23, 2019 at 12:05 PM
  #33
Hi Blue,

Do you have any Klonopin on hand to help you with this high anxiety, at least until the Rexulti kicks in?

Will you spend time with your parents this weekend?
Does spending time with them help or does it make things worse?

When will you start the Rexulti?

I am concerned about you, of course. At the same time, I have faith in your ability to handle this, as you have done so many times..

Yet, PLEASE DO let us k now if we can help in any way.

I care very much a bout you and want to see you as healthy and as happy as possible. Let me know if I can help?

Much Love~

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 12:06 PM
  #34
Blue, my old pdoc had a conversation with me about my quality of life. If they're requiring you to be on an AP (mine does too) See if you can do injections, if you can trust them enough. Don't get to the point that hospitalization is required. Find a pdoc that you can talk to.

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Default Aug 23, 2019 at 12:11 PM
  #35
Please stay safe, blue... your health and safety is the priority! Allow yourself to get the help you need. I'm so sorry things are being SO HARD for you, you don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! I hope you'll be able to get help and that things will take better. As always, I'm here for you if you want to PM me and I'm sure many others will be available as well. Just focus on yourself and your own safety for now, ok? We care and you know that as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, bluebicycle, Your Family, Your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!
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