Anxiety vs. Paranoia /BP (SzA)

Victoria'smom · Aug 25, 2019 at 04:19 PM

I’m doing better but I will be left alone again this week possibly, and definitely next week. My H keeps saying I look sad and have a lot of anxiety. When is it anxiety and when is it psychosis? When is it “micro-psychosis” in BPD? I’m doing better do I still call the pdoc tomorrow? What do I say? I don’t have the best memory. I feel like I can wait but I might flip if left alone but I have no idea how to tell if I will. Is this just me trying to wait my turn/down playing?

~Christina · Aug 25, 2019 at 04:38 PM

Stop downplaying yourself out of fear /anxiety.

Make the call

You have been given a link somewhere that offered 99 ( I think) distractions. With that many there is no reason you can’t find ones to keep youself safe while alone.

Try to focus on what you CAN conquer instead of thinking of things that didn’t go well in the past.

You are much stronger than you think so try focusing on that k?

fern46 · Aug 25, 2019 at 04:50 PM

What do you think? You don't need validation for your feelings. You let what H thinks and sometimes what we think define you. I'd like to hear you tell us and your doctor what is actually true and real for you no matter how it sounds. H says you look sad. Are you sad? He says you look anxious? Are you anxious?

Journal what is true for you without feedback from others. Write it down with dates and times so you can refresh your memory later when you need it.

You had planned to call your doc for a reason. If those reasons are still valid then definitely call. Doing better for a day or a few hours doesn't really mean that the issues are gone. Sometimes these things come and go. They can still be valid concerns in that state.

I also agree with Christina. There are infinite things you can do if you're open to them and throw your energy into them with good intent. You can only be as strong as you allow yourself to be. Just give a few things a shot with an open mind. You might surprise yourself. You deserve some fun. Don't over think it.

Aug 25, 2019 at 04:57 PM

Does it cost you money to call your pdoc for 3-5 mins? If it doesn’t cost you anything, then IMO, there is no harm in calling and you should ring his phone

My pdoc charges $20 for after hours calls and $20 for in-person appts. But I can talk to his assistant for free whenever I want without being charged (even if she is kinda useless most of the time).

All you have to do is say that you haven’t been feeling well lately and that you’re feeling okay for now, but you’re not sure if the “okay” feeling is going to last. Then tell him you’re concerned about your stability. Just put it that way and your pdoc can ask you questions to help him make a judgment.

Victoria'smom · Aug 25, 2019 at 05:21 PM

With that many there is no reason you can’t find ones to keep youself safe while alone. I'm not worried about my safety. It's the unchecked anxiety. I've made a list from those coping skills to use.

Journal what is true for you without feedback from others Everything is muddled right now. I'm currently going through my posts and hangouts to make a timeline.

Does it cost you money to call your pdoc for 3-5 mins? I have to make an appointment to talk to pdoc. I was told to call back Monday at 9 to find out if there's a cancellation but I'm okay now.

Under*Over · Aug 25, 2019 at 05:33 PM

My therapist and psychiatrist always called my anxiety “paranoia”. Which. I guess fits because I tend to be- well. I can interpret something a thousand different ways- some of them being pretty outlandish- and can come up with all sorts of ulterior motives that could be had to make this or that thing possible.

Its easier to talk myself (and maybe you- if you inderstand where the anxiety is coming from. I think your journaling idea is great- its a good way to work through thoughts and anxiety)

Anyways. Call if you need to call. Its better to call then it is is to suffer.

Aug 25, 2019 at 05:40 PM

Would it hurt to set up an appt though? Even tho I’m obviously not a dr, the fact you weren’t okay before suggests to me that maybe you’re not stable on your current med regimen. Like, your current regimen allows for things to fluctuate too much, and maybe you need some adjustments. I mean, I’ve been on meds before where sometimes I felt fine and sometimes I did not, but that fluctuation was indicative of instability... because for every time I felt “okay,” I had an equal amount of times where I didn’t feel okay.

I know it’s easy to convince yourself it’s not a big deal anymore because you’re feeling okay now, but if you haven’t changed your meds, who’s to say that feeling won’t come back again in... say... 24 hrs, a few days, a week, etc?

Victoria'smom · Aug 25, 2019 at 06:16 PM

After putting June-now together I will be calling tomorrow. I will start to make daily notes and erase the insignificant ones before my appointments.

Wild Coyote · Aug 25, 2019 at 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

After putting June-now together I will be calling tomorrow. I will start to make daily notes and erase the insignificant ones be me to before my appointments.

I have found keeping a journal very helpful, especially when I am not doing well.
I think you can do more than you think you can; yet, you can only learn this if you allow yourself to try. I believe in you!

Victoria'smom · 10:01 PM

The note I'm giving Pdoc when I see her. Hopefully tomorrow. I tried to keep my option out of it and just list what has been going on. Hopefully she can help.

Possible trigger:

Still- loud head, anxiety/ feel like I can’t breath, feel like someone is watching me. Sensation of bugs on me.

8/24 Realized I’m pulling at my hair for the pain and “snapping” sound.

8/22- asked for the mini screwdrivers to be put up because I was thinking of hurting myself with them. Wanted meds to quiet head. Went to XXXXXX eval for therapy thought they would hospitalize me. Head loud, anxious, felt like someone was behind me. Made a safety plan. Dx. me as schizo affective

8/21- Home alone, felt like a burden/semi suicidal (had no access to anything) Scared, thought someone would break in and hurt me, Felt like someone was behind me. Became so scared that I cried and went to bed. Too scared to use the bathroom. Head loud, tired, not sleeping well

8/20- home alone, Scared, thought someone would break in and hurt me, Felt like someone was behind me.

8/17- Asked for the razors to be put up as I wanted to cut my tattoo out of my wrist (thought this multiple days before asking for them to be put up).

Beginning of Aug: Almost stopped medication because I didn’t feel it was helping.

July-Aug Not sleeping well, anxious, head loud, Fear of hospitalization.

7/7- feel confused, stressed, and anxious, hearing things. Wanting to hurt myself. I feel nothing and guilt at the same time. Not talking, not sleeping well.

BeyondtheRainbow · Aug 25, 2019 at 09:30 PM

Good job with the list MM. I'm glad you are telling them your fear of going IP. I was TERRIFIED of IP, partly because I knew I might run into my own patient since I worked in psych and partly because it's just not a favored vacation spot. My pdoc knew about my fear and really worked with me on it. She managed to help me stay out until I went on my MAOI and couldn't handle the cross taper without help. She told me so much about it and calmed me down about it and when I did have that first stay it was ok and the other 4 times much easier than that. But if she hadn't known my fear she might have hospitalized me sooner and when I was terrified. It's good for them to know fears like that.

yellow_fleurs · Aug 25, 2019 at 09:35 PM

That's great you made the list and are thinking of doing daily notes. I think you may have inspired me to make notes myself because I can really see the use in it. I hope everything goes well when you speak with them.

fern46 · Aug 26, 2019 at 06:23 AM

Nice job on your journal. I feel like it will be helpful for you, your pdoc and your T. Good luck making your call today.

Victoria'smom · Aug 26, 2019 at 07:00 AM

One hour until I call.

Victoria'smom · Aug 26, 2019 at 08:25 AM

9:20 tomorrow.

Aug 26, 2019 at 08:43 AM

Good luck with your appt. Glad they could squeeze you in so quickly.

Wild Coyote · Aug 26, 2019 at 08:51 AM

Good job!

I hope you will find your efforts helpful.

Jedi67 · Aug 26, 2019 at 10:33 AM

great job. awesome to hear! good luck with your appt.
glad they could see you.

Victoria'smom · Aug 26, 2019 at 10:49 AM

I still feel over dramatic and selfish moving the appointment up but I'm trying to remind myself I need sleep and that no one wants me this uncomfortable. I will probably apologize tomorrow. I wish I had coping skills for bugs.

Aug 26, 2019 at 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I still feel over dramatic and selfish moving the appointment up but I'm trying to remind myself I need sleep and that no one wants me this uncomfortable. I will probably apologize tomorrow. I wish I had coping skills for bugs.

If I'm really overwhelmed by the bug feeling, I take a shower. It surprisingly helps me a lot. It also helps me to lay down if I'm feeling the bugs on my back, for example.

You may even benefit from a walk outside or sit out on your front porch (if you have one). I know that sounds counterintuitive since there are actually bugs outside, but the fresh air can help you relax.

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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,908 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,443 hugs given	Aug 25, 2019 at 06:16 PM #8 After putting June-now together I will be calling tomorrow. I will start to make daily notes and erase the insignificant ones before my appointments. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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yellow_fleurs Grand Poohbah Member Since Jun 2018 Location: US Posts: 1,512 5 1,265 hugs given	Aug 25, 2019 at 09:35 PM #12 That's great you made the list and are thinking of doing daily notes. I think you may have inspired me to make notes myself because I can really see the use in it. I hope everything goes well when you speak with them.
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fern46 Grand Magnate Member Since Mar 2019 Location: USA Posts: 3,021 5 4,300 hugs given	Aug 26, 2019 at 06:23 AM #13 Nice job on your journal. I feel like it will be helpful for you, your pdoc and your T. Good luck making your call today.
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,908 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,443 hugs given	Aug 26, 2019 at 07:00 AM #14 One hour until I call. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,908 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,443 hugs given	Aug 26, 2019 at 08:25 AM #15 9:20 tomorrow. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Anonymous35014 Guest Posts: n/a	Aug 26, 2019 at 08:43 AM #16 Good luck with your appt. Glad they could squeeze you in so quickly.
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Wild Coyote Legendary Community Liaison Member Since Jun 2016 Location: USA Posts: 12,735 (SuperPoster!) 7 70.9k hugs given	Aug 26, 2019 at 08:51 AM #17 Good job! I hope you will find your efforts helpful. __________________ May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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Jedi67 Veteran Member Member Since Mar 2019 Location: Western, NY Posts: 575 5 1,913 hugs given	Aug 26, 2019 at 10:33 AM #18 great job. awesome to hear! good luck with your appt. glad they could see you. __________________ "Do or Do Not. There is No Try" - Yoda, Jedi Master Diagnosed 2008 Bipolar II with Mixed States, Rapid Cycling with Anxiety / Depression: Meds: Zoloft, Latuda, Gabapentin & Depakote.
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