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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
4 18 hugs
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#1
Hello everyone. So, the reason im writing this is because a question has been rounding my head lately: Am i a big failure??.
I was diagnose with bipolarity ten years ago. At that time i was an excellent student. Good grades, big expectations, big dreams. But after two episodes my cognitive status change. I had severe memory and concentration problems that didnt allow me to study (i was studiying medicine, so i have to memorice a lot). This problems started to be less severe, but my brain was never the same again. I tried to start again my studies, but i just keept faling, i just could not retain information. So finally i droped school (because i could not afford to pay all the years that was was taking me to finish the damn courses). Then i started a technical career, that was simpler but at least give some skills to work. The thing is, i just keep reading all this amazing stories of smart and talented people who overcame the disease and now have tons of diplomas and degrees, while im just here being a piece of garbage. Am i really the most untalented and dumb bipolar in the world?. It have been 10 years, and i feel my life stoped the day all of this started. I have a job, im good at what i do, but its just a routinarie work that anybody can do. I havent achive nothing in my 30 years of living. I would love to hear your stories, i dont know what i did wrong. I really tried. I really wanted to be a professional, to have a career, make my mom proud, but nothing worked in the end. Thanks for reading PS: im not native english speaker, so maybe there going to be wrong words or sentences |
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*Beth*, Anonymous46341, Isolda van der Meer, lightly toasted, MickeyCheeky, Unrigged64072835, winter4me, zapatoes
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lightly toasted, MickeyCheeky
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: US
Posts: 1,512
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#2
Hi Brienne welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are feeling bad about yourself. It sounds like you have not been able to accomplish everything you wanted to, but you have still achieved things. You still went back to learn a technical skill as you said, and you are still working in the way that you are able to. I am sure you have achieved other things, too. It's not your fault you are dealing with mental illness and that it affected your plans. Are you being treated for bipolar?
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Anonymous46341, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#3
Hi Brienne, I think maybe you see a failure, but I see a tremendous story of a fighter. It would have been easy to leave school and give up, but you didn't. You searched and found something you could do and went for it. You provided for yourself while you dealt with your diagnosis. I know you seek approval from your mother, but you need to start with your own. Give yourself credit for all that you've achieved. You can maybe do something else one day. Don't lose hope. There are so many ways to add value in this life. It doesn't have to be professional. Widen your sight a bit and you might see the endless possibilities. Find something that makes you happy. That road always takes you someplace great.
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Anonymous46341, Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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*Beth*, Brienne, MickeyCheeky, saucygirl31, winter4me
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: new england
Posts: 7,733
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#4
simple answer. NO. You are not a failure, you are a fighter and a survivor.
__________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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Anonymous46341, Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: New England
Posts: 99
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#5
no ur not.
ive been homeless, lost good jobs, etc even though i have a college degree. i often think i failed but as long as ur alive u can choose to strive forward. __________________ Dx: BP1 + Substance Abuse Rx: Lamictal 400, Vraylar 6, Seroquel 50 (PRN) |
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Anonymous46341, Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#6
You're not a failure, @Brienne! Like ALL the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely and wonderfully said, you're a FIGHTER! You've been able to find a job and to learn some skills despite your struggles. Please don't compare yourself with others. Everyone is different and has his own struggles to get through. You've been able to make something out of yourself even though you've been struggling. You were able to work around your struggles and improve yourself, find a career. Isn't that a success story in his own right? So please, be proud of yourself! You've been able to accomplish SO MUCH! I definitely understand how you feel as I feel like a failure myself. But that doesn't mean that YOU are! So please, be kind to yourself! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if there are some struggles you want to talk about or if you need advice and support or even just want a friend or if you want someone to talk to or vent to. I'll ALWAYS be available for you and I'll try to get back at you AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN! THAT'S A PROMISE! I am SURE plenty of others will also gladly and wonderfully help you out as well fi you reach out to ANYONE HERE! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Brienne, your family, your mother, your friends, your doctors, your staff, your nurses, your relatives, ALL the people you Love and you care about who ALSO Love you and who care about you as well and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking!
Last edited by MickeyCheeky; Sep 08, 2019 at 10:42 AM.. |
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Anonymous46341, Brienne
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Brienne, zapatoes
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Member
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Valhalla
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#7
You're not a failure. I believe you did the best you could do. And I also believe you have achieved many different things.
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Anonymous46341, Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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Brienne, MickeyCheeky
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
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#8
Quote:
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Anonymous46341
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#9
You're not a failure at all! You did nothing wrong! This disease is incredibly challenging to live with and many people live barely getting through life because of it. Some end up jobless and homeless. Just overcoming it, having a steady job, and making it thus far is such an immense obstacle and is a huge feat that you should give yourself a pat on the back for.
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Anonymous46341, lightly toasted
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Brienne, lightly toasted
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#10
It's hard to readjust your life when you had it all planned out. I was suppose to work for X company doing Y projects. I couldn't get through school either. Unlike you even tech school I couldn't get through even medicated. For me stability is my goal. I'm not a failure, neither are you.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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Anonymous46341, lightly toasted
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lightly toasted, Lilwren, zapatoes
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
4 18 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
4 18 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
And it sucks because for a lot of year they make me feel like ****, like i didnt try enough, but then i found this forums and found out that maybe im not that bad after all. I dont know what to beleive at this point. |
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lightly toasted
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
4 18 hugs
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#13
Quote:
I hope you find that peace we all are looking for. |
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Anonymous46341
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Texas
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#14
No. You are not a failure.
NO one asks for mental illness. We have an invisible disease. People don't get it. The very worst thing you can do, is to compare your life to others. I know from experience about doing that. The BEST thing you can do is to make a realistic plan / goal for yourself you know you can accomplish. Take baby steps. Tread lightly but with determination. You can do it. It also really helps if you are single and don't have that distraction in your life to accomplish those baby steps. Google is your friend. Research and research some more. It may not come to you overnight. But that is what makes it all the more worth it in the end. Give yourself a break. You can only do so much with what you have. We have a debilitating mental illness that just plain sucks. If you live your life trying to please others, you will always be disappointed. __________________ current meds: -Oxcarbazepine -Gabapentin -Hydroxyzine -Risperidone -Zoloft Psychotherapy 2-3 times a month as needed Bipolar 1, PTSD |
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Anonymous46341, Brienne
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zapatoes
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: US
Posts: 1,512
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#15
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Anonymous46341, Brienne
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 3,105
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#16
Quote:
There are cognitive aspects to this MI currently being researched. I call this my having "cognitive deficits" that comes with my illness. Sometimes I have trouble communicating with simple words. Now words that I did not remember even knowing quickly come to mind. I do also have focus issues. Much of it is also cyclic, but not necessarily in time with my mood cycles. Then there can be serious memory issues of past events, __________________ Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. |
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Anonymous46341, Brienne
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
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#17
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Anonymous46341, Brienne
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
4 18 hugs
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#18
Quote:
But stop comparing myself to others its so hard. After all we live in a competitive society. Everything its about winning the game of life, and i really feel that i lost a long time ago. |
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Anonymous46341, BipolarWolf
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BipolarWolf
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
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#19
Quote:
And about the memory of past events, I have 2 years of my life totally lost. From the year it all started I only remember about 10 moments. And then, after the second crisis I have about 4 months totally blank. It's very weird .. |
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Anonymous46341
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Chile
Posts: 14
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#20
Quote:
which makes it worse when we try to get our environment to understand or accept us. |
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Anonymous46341
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