Possible trigger:

I still want to kill myself. I just got out of the hospital yesterday and I still want to kill myself. I cut myself this morning and I really really want to go back for more because I feel I deserve more. I hate myself. I hate my past. I hate everything about this situation.

I will be going to group tonight and see my therapist tomorrow.

Sorry you're struggling so much, spikes.

Do you think you can hold out until tonight and/or tomorrow? If not, I recommend you consider going back to IP. It's a safe space where you can get the help you deserve.

If you feel this IP place did you more harm than good, can you go somewhere else?

[fern46]

I'm sorry Spikes. That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I'm glad you shared. Can you agree that you aren't in any position to decide what you deserve right now? Your brain is trying to recover from trauma and your assessment isn't solid. I realize there is nothing that can change the past, but you're mucking up your future by self harming. You can only control what you do in the moment. It would be best to wait to see how you feel about yourself until you find baseline again. I imagine you might still struggle with the past, but the self hatred will be less. Can you do yourself a favor and just try to hang on until you've had a chance to heal a bit? Maybe write down how you feel to give yourself a healthier outlet.

I'm glad you're going to group tonight. I hope you find it helpful. I hope the same for therapy tomorrow. Hugs.

[yellow_fleurs]

I am really sorry you're struggling spikes. Please stay safe and seek help like IP if you need it. Did something change since yesterday or were you feeling this bad then, too? Does anything ever help you when you're feeling this way, like distraction until the feeling passes? We care about you and want you to be safe.

I don’t deserve any help. I’ll probably just sit quietly in group unless someone asks me and then I won’t tell the whole truth because I really don’t want to go back inpatient. Ill use my coping skills until then

[Victoria'smom]

You do deserve help. Please try to speak up. I know it's hard.

Didn't talk at all.

[~Christina]

You deserve help and support, I know it doesn’t feel like it. But it’s the legit truth !

Please keep cuts clean and please go to the Er if you need too

Keep posting here

I have therapy in one hour. I feel like this is all useless but maybe now that I am more properly diagnosed they can help a little more? Maybe? I have to open up to get help and that terrifies the living sh_t out of me.

[fern46]

You mentioned before you keep repeating the same pattern. Perhaps opening up properly is one of the things you haven't yet tried. Maybe it will lead to the breakthrough you need. You can't know unless you try.

What is the worst thing that could happen? You'd be sharing things you already know. Your therapist can only offer perspective. You can take it or leave it. They are not there to judge, only to help. They can't fully help you unless you let them in fully. Not all therapists are helpful, but you're in a bad place and it seems worth the risk at this point. I wish you all the best with this. You've been quite brave lately. You've got this!

[HALLIEBETH87]

Sending good wishes to you!!

[Wild Coyote]

You have a chance to try to trust and open up! You are incredibly fortunate. Take this opportunuty and use it to your maximum benefit!