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Old 09-11-2019, 04:14 AM   #1
bluebicycle
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Default Hologram

For the past hour or so, I've been contemplating about my existence. For example, do I really exist? How do I know I am not a hologram? etc. etc.

I feel fake, like maybe I was invented by some scientific genius. I'm not saying I'm a genius myself, but rather, some scientific genius happened to come up with me and I'm a hologram. Thus, I cannot interact with this world in ways normal humans can.

Anyone else feel this way?

My pdoc thinks I am experiencing anxiety, but I don't feel particularly anxious? I feel great! Also, I have no PRN anxiolytics to take. All I can take is Benadryl because that's what my pdoc said to take. But I don't see how an anxiolytic would help anyway because I don't think I'm anxious. But hey, what do I know? I'm likely a hologram with an artificial brain that was programmed by someone.
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:01 AM   #2
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Hey Blue. I mentioned this before, but I've been in this boat. I had thoughts that I wasn't real and that I wasn't the same as others. At one point in my episode I felt like I was projecred onto this world and that my true self existed in an alternate dimension. It felt really real at the time and the thoughts seemed solid. I didn't really question them much and they kept evolving. I also had thoughts that I was being controlled by someone else. It escalated and I thought my husband was controlling me and my children. I started hallucinating and my children began disappearing before my eyes. I then freaked out completely.

All of this was false. I do not believe any of these things when I am in a sound state of mind. I know I am real. I know I am not a hologram. I know this reality is my main existence. I know my husband is the most amazing man in the world and not some evil scientist trying to control me. I know my children are real.

I really feel like this kind of thinking is a common symptom of a particulat blend of psychosis. Derealization leads to these kinds of thoughts and they are a prouct of the brain. They feel completely real, but they are not. Please keep reminding yourself that you are experiencing a symptom. You are unique and special, but not in the way your brain wants you to believe right now.

This type of thinking leads to paranoia and that can escalate quickly. Mine turned to rage when I started believing my husband was a puppet master controlling my kids. I desperately tried to break us out of this reality to find the 'real' one and I went completely nuts. Shut this thinking down now. You are real. I am real. This is the only reality we can touch and feel and you're losing your grip on it. Hold on tighter. Hugs.
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Old 09-11-2019, 06:12 AM   #3
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Stay safe, bluebicycle. Please DO listen to the wise and wonderful fern46 and her WISE AND WONDERFUL WORDS! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're hurting! Remember that you're absolutely real and that you can experience the same things as anyone here. Be kind to yourself! I hope your Pdoc will be able to help you and perhaps give you some Meds who may prove to be useful for you. In the meantime, try to hang on. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need advice and support or even simply someone to talk to and vent to! I am sure plenty of others will also gladly, kindly, wisely and wonderfully help you out as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, bluebicycle, Your Family, Your Friends, Your Pdoc And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're hurting!
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:29 AM   #4
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Blue, ice felt this way too. In fact I spent years when I was younger feeling like the rest of the world was real and I was not. I thought that I could be invisible. I still feel it sometimes. The disconnection with the real world sucks. Hang on you are doing a really good job holding on to yourself. I hope you can get help SOON!
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Old 09-11-2019, 08:51 AM   #5
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Hey there, Blue! We have talked about this already this morning. I know your thoughts are racing, so wanted to leave a note here as well.

Please do leave another message for your therapist this morning!
I know there are reasons you think you must wait. You do not have to wait. Just dial her number and leave a message!
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