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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
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#1
I’ve been talking to a guy on bumble and we met last night! I like him and he said he likes me. We are already planning on meeting again.
My question: at what point in casual dating if at all should you talk about mental health issues. I’m Not ready to anytime soon but was wondering. I don’t wanna scare him off with my issues :/ __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Anonymous46341, lightly toasted
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: New England
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#2
id say don't mention it until ur going steady. and even then, just say ur taking meds for a mental illness. if he wants to ask which one, then tell him.
that's just what id do im sure other people are different. __________________ Dx: BP1 + Substance Abuse Rx: Lamictal 400, Vraylar 6, Seroquel 50 (PRN) |
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Anonymous46341
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,197
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#3
That’s kinda what I was thinking
Thanks! He’s Indian and his accent is so sexy! __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Anonymous46341
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saucygirl31
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#4
Definitely don't mention a mental illness this early one, unless he happens to, which I doubt he will.
HALLIEBETH, I bet you have a lot of interests. Music, TV, sports, nature, etc, etc, etc. I'd make a list of those and try to work them into conversation with this sexy voiced Indian guy. Actually, I strongly recommend you spend a lot of time with him asking HIM questions about his interests. Is he originally from India? There are lots of cool things about Indian culture. If you're not familiar with them, do ask about them. Take an interest in him. Impress him with what you DO know about his culture or interests. Guys really like that! And smile a lot. Tell him you really like his accent. If your willing, consider telling him it sounds "sexy". I'd wait until you get plenty of nice kisses before you start talking illness. That is, unless you have a cold sore on your lip. |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
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#5
Ask him about the festivals because festival season has started for Indians. There's something going on almost every other week!
__________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin, Vraylar My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,197
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#6
He told me tons about Indian culture!! It was cool andyes he’s originally from there. He wants to meet again soon!
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin Last edited by HALLIEBETH87; Sep 13, 2019 at 06:14 PM.. |
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bizi
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
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#7
If he had a mental illness at what point would you want him to tell you about it? Follow the golden rule. Do for him what you would want him to do for you.
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Texas
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#8
I agree. Better to not waste each others time.
I know that this may not be what you want to read, but its true. I would probe around asking him about what he knows about your issues. Make it clear that you take meds and such. Be honest. Because you would want to know if he has any such issues as well. You don't want to be out on a date and have an episode and blindside him with the event. That might not happen, but... what if ….. He needs to be able to know who to call or what to do if such an event happens. __________________ current meds: -Oxcarbazepine -Gabapentin -Hydroxyzine -Risperidone -Zoloft Psychotherapy 2-3 times a month as needed Bipolar 1, PTSD |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
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#9
I’m
Just scared it’ll scare him Off __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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bizi
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
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#10
He’s a good kisser
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Anonymous46341, bizi
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Wise Elder
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#11
I think it's too soon, and do not think it's disingenuous or hiding anything to wait. People do not tend to talk about hard things and problems when they first meet. Let's say I met someone and they're on about all their failed relationships, or all their "baggage". Really? *That's* the early impression they want to relay? Next! And it wouldn't be that they scared me off, but because they turned me off with all their negativity. Why would I want to hear straight off about all of somebody's problems? I want to know their good stuff, at least to start. Things that will pique further interest. Give me a reason to *want* to know more about them. Does that make sense?
I can tell you that I'm not going to be dumping all the issues related to my emotionally abusive ex-BF on anyone I might get talking to(!) If everyone just threw the worst/most challenging/whatever stuff out there right off the bat so as not to "waste" each others' time, I'm guessing they would pass by a lot worthwhile people. It pretty much sounds like an expectation of perfection. Good luck. NO ONE'S perfect. Why lead with one's "flaws"? It's like looking for work. Who would make themselves look like crap on a resumé? Or go into a job interview listing all they aren't good at? See if it's going anywhere first. No need to short circuit things before they even have a chance to get started. __________________ ********* Mr. Robot Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside. --The Cure
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Anonymous46341, bizi
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cashart10, HALLIEBETH87, ~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: KY
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#12
I told my husband fairly early on but by that time I had been completely stable for at least a couple of years so there wasn’t much to tell and it wasn’t much of a big deal. I would certainly recommend proceeding with caution though. Get to know each other a bit first.
__________________ ***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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bizi
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#13
There’s no reason to give him the 5 min tour of your mental illness at all right now.
Who knows you could go out for dinner and realize he has horrible table manners or treats restaurant staff lousy. Just let things flow naturally. If you begin seeing each other regularly then its when you should consider the how, when and to what degree of your Mental illness you want to share. I think IZ nailed this perfectly !!! __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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bizi, HALLIEBETH87
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Innerzone
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Grand Magnate
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#14
I guess you can wait until it becomes apparent to him, but I do not know if that would be a good idea. I think it is unreasonable to think that you will be able to with any confidence control when this happens. After all, we are mentally ill. So I think your decision needs to be made with this also in mind.
I think there is wisdom in a mention of the golden rule by a previous poster, that which may not be self-evident to some. IMO I think before the relationship gets too serious, the topic will need to be discussed in some fashion. This would be a thoughtful, considerate, caring thing for you to do for him that could avoid allot of problems in the future for the both of you. FWIW __________________ Dx: Bipolar I, ADD, GAD. Rx: Fluoxetine, Buproprion, Olanzapine, Lamictal, and Strattera. Last edited by Tucson; Sep 14, 2019 at 03:39 AM.. |
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bizi
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fern46
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Legendary
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Location: usa
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#16
Thanks for everyone’s opinions!!!
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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bizi
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,197
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#17
Quote:
We ate last night and he’s not rude just quiet. But he talked my head off lol __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Anonymous46341, bizi
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#18
Great ! Just be safe and enjoy getting to know him
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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bizi
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
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#19
Thanks lovely.
__________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin |
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Veteran Member
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#20
If you aren't symptomatic and you are stable on meds there is nothing to tell him this early in a relationship. Information on health issues should come long after you hear his childhood stories, whether he enjoys his job or not, and who his friends are. Put the health talk off...unless you think you are too symptomatic to keep it private.
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Anonymous46341, bizi
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