Resentment

No his kids will not come up here “ they are too busy, now” oh I internally rage over that bull shyt. They did come one time about 6-7 years ago for 3 days.

I am furious that they didn’t at least have Payton FaceTime him on Grandparents day.

His boys are selfish and don’t think, I said something years ago to them about making time for there father, they said something to him and Steve and I had a gigantic fight over it , we barely spoke for over a week. So I refuse to do that again.

I get along with his kids , but outside of seeing them in Florida we don’t communicate. If Steve winds up in the hospital then I keep them updated, I know if he was real bad they would come, but I think it’s bull shyt that they can’t come up for a long weekend when he would be feeling good and really enjoy showing Payton our home and acres of woods to explore. They all have well paying jobs and travel a lot but not here to Tennessee.

My T has tried to get me to understand sons are totally different than Daughters. My daughter and I talk and text all the time, his boys ? Not much at all with him.

My daughter keeps in touch with him all the time , sending him silly memes or just a random “ Stevers I love you “ etc. so yes boys are much different.

Blended families are a whole other animal.

Can you have phone check ins with your T? Can you stay with the kids so at least they're closer then 4 hrs? Can you talk to your pdoc about prns or meds while on the trip? I understand not wanting him to go alone and BP can't run your life more. Can you make a physical list of coping skills you can use while on the trip?

Yes, Christina, I do think blended families can be very challenging. I agree, some male children are more distant. As they grow up, many go with their wives and tend to leave their own parents "behind" if there is geographical distances. Yet, none of this explains why your H's children will not travel to see him, especially as H gets older and must bring oxygen with him, etc. It can be hard to understand and may never be sorted out.

The best you can do is to take good care of yourself. Think about how you might want to handle this, the way in which you might handle it, and the timing in which you might approach H to share and to discuss these important matters. If preparing means waiting , then wait for as long as you feel is best..

Much Love ~

you have my prayers and love . . . this will pass . . .

Love , , , Tigger

I am not extremely familiar with your (very) frustrating situation and I have not read through this entire thread. My question is, why can't Steve go alone and you stay home this time? If it throws you into an extreme state...what if you were terribly ill with the flu? Puking, feverish, and so on...would you travel like that? How is this different?

It sounds like you have a good plan in mind to aim for a two week visit. That seems long enough to make the drive worth it and short enough that you can handle it mentally and emotionally.

I like how you opened up and talked it all through here. Many people have a learning style that leads them to work best in that way. I hope it helped to get it all out. I have high hopes that you'll be able to work this out with Steve just fine. He sounds like a good and reasonable man and you're keeping his best interests in mind. Good luck with the conversation with him. You're going to do great!

No the kids will not let us stay with them , they have 3 dogs and since we have to bring ours they said No when we asked once. They do not like our dogs but I think that’s partially an excuse they use? I don’t know , I do know they suck !

My daughter lives in Tampa now, she has a roommate but would certainly let us stay but her roommate is extremely allergic to dogs. And boarding them is 20 dollars a day for each dog..

I have my Xanax , I have a huge tool box of coping skills. But eventually they start to fail and then I’m crumbling, last Christmas trip it took me almost a month to get myself back to my baseline.

I need to get him to understand I can do 2 weeks but no more.

Like I said this 3-4 week crap only started last year, when our friends moved to North Florida.

I know that we will be able to work this out , but I know things will be tense as I’m sure this won’t be a one time conversation.

Thank you !

I agree that they should come up even just for a long weekend. Ryan and his wife are just selfish, one day Steve won’t be here and then his boys will have to deal with guilt over not making the time to be with him.

Just makes me so angry at his boys !

If you scroll back a handful of responses you will see that I wrote a novel explaining this isn’t a simple situation.

It sounds simple to just say No , but it’s not for all the reasons in that response.

He has made a lot of changes because of my Bipolar, my ability to no longer be able to work 10 years ago? He worked over time to pay the bills.

Ugh ! I just truly wish this was simple

Thank you so much Fern.

I do think by agreeing that 2 weeks is something I’m able to handle will help me because I’ll know ...okay in X days I’ll be back home.

My husband is a wonderful man, I think he just needs me to be totally honest about what happens to me when we have this 2-4 week trips.

And it’s not all about Bipolar. I have Fibromyalgia and PsA so my pain level is always worse , strange beds etc . So that is another struggle for me.

I know things will get ironed out.

I want to thank everyone for all the support , I can’t tell you how much it has helped me.

Being able to basically unload all my worries and fear of these trips has helped me understand what I feel will be the best way to start a conversation about it all.

You guys are so great, I’m lucky to have you all take the time to offer support and advice. I’m very blessed to know such caring people

I read your "novel" - it's not wasted words, Christina. It's a valid gathering of information that helps us know what's-what.

It is entirely true: your situation is not easy - and others can suggest or advise, but you are the one to decide.

Your husband has a serious illness - but so do you, several illnesses.

I'll be 100% blunt. From what you've described, these trips are way, way too hard on you. If there are benefits to the sacrifice - great. If not, different arrangements need to be made, in my opinion. It's damned tough, and painful as all get out, when adult children don't step up to the plate. Too often - sadly often - they don't. So, focus on the ones who do and hope the others eventually come around.

If I were in your shoes there is no way I could make a trip like the one you're facing. The risks from the stress (enormous stress!) would be far more than I could cope with. Everyone and I would end up being very sorry that I pushed myself beyond my limits.

At the risk of repeating myself...there has to be another way to plan things. Really. Seriously.

Thanks for reading my novel

I try to keep Bipolar as small apart of my marriage /life as possible.

I can’t expect my husband to just let me decide on everything about these trips , a compromise is needed.

I do think that having a 2 week max is a fair compromise. I will know on X day we will be coming home and that will be a good coping skill for me , and end date.

As for the kids , sigh. Now that there is a grandchild he’s always determined to make these trips even more.

I do plan to have this discussion with him soon, just waiting for the right time. He might initially be upset, but I think he will understand given a bit of time to look at it from my side.

So if you could find a free dogsitter to stay at your home, would that help? I could use a vacation! They eat bagged or canned food, right? I mean i dont even cook for myself.

Lol Yes ! They love there boring kibble. They are both attention W hores! They are both over 60 lbs but think they are the size of a toy poodle Hahaha

They are goofy lazy spoiled rotten mutts LOL !

Was just reading this thread and wanted to send you hugs ~Christina 😊

Such an amazing support system here on PC!

Yes Thank you ! PC is such a wonderful place.

What airport should i fly into? Like what big city are you nearest to? You can pm me! Not sure im doing it, but just in case!

Im not a very good guest, but im an excellent dogsitter. The last time i dogsat, i was upstairs taking a loooong bath, with the door open, and the doggie was lying at the bottom of the stairs, and every once in a while she would go, "Arf?" Like, "you still okay?" Honestly, it was SO SWEET! I'd answer, "Yep, still here!" And she would whisper back a little "hmmph!"

I love you Chris <3

Love ya too