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Phoenix_1
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Default Sep 20, 2019 at 06:26 PM
  #21
Hypomania feels great ... until it doesn't. I feel smart, efficient, better, stronger, faster. I can work circles around other people. Everything just flows. When I'm hypomanic, I'm creative and I've written poetry and made greeting cards for people. Things are easy. Then I do something completely stupid like mortgaging the house to buy a business that failed the first year.
I used to resent my ex. I left him 3 times before our divorce in 2000. I wasn't diagnosed when I was with him, and I wish I had been. Now I feel sorry that he had to put up with all my strange plans and ideas. He had the patience of a saint to put up with me for 26 years. He's with someone else now, a woman I went to school with, and she's good for him. I'm glad he's doing well.
Hypomania feels wonderful, but it's not my friend. I miss hypomania, but it's just as well that I'm now somewhat "normal" (whatever normal is).
I feel calmer now, but lacking in a lot of ways. I have no will to do things like clean my apartment or go out with friends. In fact, I lost most of my friends when I was hypomanic in 2013. I don't care about a lot of things like I used to. I function, but that's about it. I guess this is my baseline. Boring but ok. Just ok.

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BipolaRNurse
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Default Sep 21, 2019 at 02:14 AM
  #22
I think my BP has made me a more creative and compassionate person. I was only diagnosed 7 1/2 years ago, but I've always been creative and an empath; having bipolar just brought it out more because I know what pain is and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, if I had one. Still, I wish I didn't have it, as it's caused irreparable damage to some of my relationships as well as my finances.

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Catchingthesun
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Default Sep 22, 2019 at 05:55 AM
  #23
If you could harness the creativity that comes with mania and the awareness with everything around you it could be a positive. Other than that I see no positive.
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Default Sep 22, 2019 at 09:53 AM
  #24
I have some great stories to tell, and so do other people.

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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 04:48 PM
  #25
1. I appreciate the “normal” times in a whole new way
2. When I’m in the “good” hypomanic phase (as opposed to being incredibly irritable/agitated), I have this amazing bliss that many people have likely never experienced
3. I’m able to deeply connect with other people who struggle with mental health & help them along the way
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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 01:15 AM
  #26
I agree that hypomania feels so fun and FREEING! I’ve also been quite successful in work (except I see myself as super badass and don’t realize I’m missing some of the details). What else has felt amazing is how much I love buying things and how delicious food tastes! I know those things can be spun to be a negative but we have to cling to as much positivity as we can! Then the other part is that I can finally nap! Naps normally give me a headache and I’m too antsy but during Med changes oh boy can I sleep!! Oh I also enjoy relaxing where I LET myself relax and not get so hard on myself about getting tasks completed.
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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 09:18 AM
  #27
Hypomania, which I haven't experienced for years now, used to be absolutely euphoric, feeling I was the most brilliant person in the world, pure joy...until it would turn ugly and transform to mania.

I chased that 'high' more than once by messing with my meds.

I guess the positive is the *experience* of that pure joy; there was and has been nothing quite like it. I have come close, not hypomanic, but I have yet to reach such heights on my own.

I know better now not to mess with my meds in the chase of that joy, but frankly I think it's less willpower on my part, and more the time that has gone by since the last time I was hypomanic, so that the wonderful memories have dissipated a bit. Also, what I also vividly remember is how horrific it has become after the high becomes an ugly, terrifying, psychotic mania and then the depression that follows. So I manage to keep my meds as is.

I do like and enjoy my baseline, for the most part, but I do, sometimes, miss the purity of that joy, and all-encompassing confidence that went with it...

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(for Central Pain Syndrome: methadone 20 mg; for chronic back pain: meloxicam 15 mg; for migraines: prochlorperazine prn)
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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 12:17 PM
  #28
I've become a great curmudgeon. A cynic.

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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 03:14 PM
  #29
I am chronically depressed and every few years seem to slip into a psychotic mania. I wish I didn't have this disease. There is no upside for me.

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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 04:57 PM
  #30
Compassion and empathy for others. And of course, what it feels like to be heading up but before it gets really bad and psychotic and insane.

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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 05:37 PM
  #31
I sure enjoy the euphoria. And the gains in compassion and being able to recognize pain in others and do what i can to help. The worst part for me is that i have a lot of trouble making a difference in the world. There's a volunteer project i was working on which will benefit a lot of my peers who are poor but i had an acute fear reaction and am on medical leave, taking time to heal. I'm a lot more fortunate than most of my peers in that i have been able to get an education and a comfortable living standard tho i went thru a poisonous time in order to get it. I feel i *could* contribute my skills and experience if only i was able to string together more than six weeks of service. This means that yet again, i am not participating in the volunteer project and not contributing. I feel like all my suffering has no meaning because i am not able to help others. If i could just get something done, some good work, do some good for my beautiful people, the mentally ill clowns of God, i would feel a lot better about myself. But here i am, resting and recovering, catching up on my sleep, hydration, nutrition, laundry, dishes, groceries, all day-to-day activities i ignored while i was hypo-manic and now demand attention. So sick of not being able to make any progress, not being able to make a difference, not being able to help others, not being able to give my life and my suffering any meaning . . . .

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Default Oct 21, 2019 at 12:51 AM
  #32
I struggle to find anything positive about my diagnosis. Before my diagnosis, I was a somebody. I had a lot of positive influence and impact on the world through my career.
Now I’ve gone from helping to implement the gold standard in ventilating neonates, to colouring in.
I’m now a nobody with zero influence in my own world, let alone anyone else’s.
Bipolar has broken me.

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Default Oct 21, 2019 at 03:44 PM
  #33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson View Post
People with BP are the only group of people I know that can list their MI as an actual benefit. LOL But I do understand where that is coming from. Look for the silver lining in each cloud.

BP is a serious mental illness. So no I do not think there is much of a benefit to be found. Mania is part of the illness with its associated implications. Considering this, even mania is not a place I would ever choose to be. It is much better to just have allot of natural energy from living a healthy lifestyle, but still be at the same time sane, then for me to look forward to a particular phase of my mental illness, which can prove to be the more damaging. I would give anything to be without a MI. That way I would be in 100% control of my life. The thoughts of what would of then had been possible boggles my mind.

OK I will come up with one benefit. Hmmm ...lets see...I now own things that I have always wanted but still cannot afford? If I really enjoy doing something, like watching years worth of a TV series, I can see it all in one sitting of back-to-back sleepless nights? I can use my MI as a way to get out of Jury Duty? The adventure of an unpredictable lifestyle when manic? Yes, this last one has some merit, but tends to end up being very costly to me in the end.

@Jennifer 1967:

The severe depression of the disorder has strengthened my survival instinct. I know how to do what I can with what I have where I am. I know how to make it from day to day. To surf life when it gets difficult.

Yes, this is an excellent and essential skill to have. I am still working on it for myself.

I just found this hilarious because I’m in the process of being excused from jury duty right now. 😂😂😂

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Every finger in the room is pointing at me
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I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

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Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
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