Thinking of stopping my meds

Hi everyone. I’m 43yo and been diagnosed BP I since 2013. I’m on Lamictal, Latuda and now Respiradone because I’m making that transition. I basically went from being level to all the sudden being completely off balance with mania again. Not the good kind, the mixed episode kind. There were no big triggers just one moment in time. I’m also taking Ativan and Ambian to deal with anxiety and sleep.

The medicine does tame me but it also takes away my passion, any sex drive I ever had, made me gain 50lbs and I basically try and have some version of the joy I once had. I’m at a point in my life where I’m like can my family and I manage with regular therapy visits, etc.

I’ve never gone off my medications before and I know all the signs. I need real stories, thoughts....

Thanks,
Catchingthesun

Hi Catchingthesun. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are having side affects from taking meds.

My experience with a friend was that when they went off meds on their own they usually had a major episode after that. Meds kept them stable.

Discussing reducing meds and or tapering off meds is something my friend now says is best done under a doctor's supervision. There may be other meds that do not cause the side affects you find difficult. They should know if there are other alternatives you can try.

Hi Catchingthesun. Like CANDC wrote, I also think that reducing or coming off medications is best done under a doctor's supervision. There are several reasons, including withdrawal issues and illness relapse. Though doctors do not want to see most of their patients with bipolar disorder going off medications, any good doctor should be willing to assist in the process if that is what the patient really wants. In my view, the best doctors, in these cases, will finally get the drift that the patient NEEDS relief from certain types of side effects in order to remain medication compliant. There are bipolar medications that are weight neutral. I won't say that switching to a weight neutral will melt the pounds off all on their own, but at least may make it easier to stick to a productive diet. Some may or may not be equally effective. In my view, something is better than nothing.

You want my story (as briefly as possible)?

Looking back on "good ole days" is sometimes a little dangerous, especially if the days you look back on were elated hypomanic/manic days. In many cases, like mine, the bipolar illness course worsens as you age, especially if unmedicated for many years. I wasn't medicated for bipolar disorder until I was the middle age of 34 years old. By then, my illness had become so severe that I was caught in a Catch 22 aka "the kindling effect". It took quite a while for my doctors (private, inpatient, and IOP/PHP) to finally get hold of my illness. I also had to finally quit drinking alcohol, as well. I was one stubborn ***** thinking that I could simply "go back" to the good ole days without medications. Some of my worst bipolar relapses were when I decided to up and quit my medications and drink instead. That didn't work out (understatement). You may recall Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Well, I tried to quit medications and few times. The results became worse and worse. Or, maybe a person has what my youngest nephew had when he quit his bipolar medications. I called it a "Honeymoon period". That was just swell, until his illness eventually came back with a vengeance. It came back so fast and furious, that there wasn't time to contain it. He died by suicide at age 24. Believe me when I say that that was not better than him taking his medications!

I'm in my late 40s right now. I'm not a young woman anymore. I have matured a lot and learned a number of lessons over the years. I guess you can say that I do play it safe, compared to when I was young (meaning before 34 years old). I'm doing alright on my current medications and I've learned a lot through my years of therapy. Is everything perfect all of the time? No, but it's not that bad and sometimes I feel more creative now than I ever was, even as a young woman. There are some things I don't/can't do as well. I've come to terms with those or I keep trying. C'est la vie!

I'm on a relatively weight unfriendly medication (Seroquel XR) and have been for a while. I'm overweight, but I fight it the best that I can. I'm actually one of the thinner people in my family, and only two of us take psychotropic medications, that I know of. Well, perhaps I'm unique in that I haven't gained 50 lbs from a notoriously weight unfriendly medication. I won't say that I haven't weighed more. I once weighed about 20 lbs more than I do now. Back then it was important that I get off that medication, not just for vanity sake, but for health sake. I found more weight friendly substitutes, though, and lost much of that weight.

BirdDancer thank you for your response/story. We have similar stories in that I was manic for most of my life and finally accepted a diagnosis of Bipolar I in my mid 30’s. My episodes are no longer euphoric now, I too suffer from the kindling effect and have awful mixed episodes swings with mania and anxiety through the roof.

That is why this one has knocked me down so much. I was doing well at home, work and in life. I had come to terms with the side effects and had decided to just exercise and be healthy at the weight I can be. If you do ALL the right things, take ALL the right drugs, got to ALL the therapy sessions you should have more to life than just surviving or being “normal” for lack of a better word.

I don’t even have a question just venting....

I just want to throw myself behind what CANDC and BirdDancer have said. That is: Going off meds without a doc's supervision is risky business. Please resist this urge.

Most people who go off their meds end up regretting it. Talk to your doctor and don't do this yourself.

Everyone makes VERY valid points.

Invega is a refined version of Risperdal, that is one of the most weight neutral meds for most everyone, it was for me.

Okay as someone who went off all my Psych meds and most meds for physical problem early this year. I will say the following...

I have had some rough situational stuff going on, and right now I’m struggling with more situational stuff.

I slowly tapered all my meds and factored in the half life of meds and then the weeks to possibly into a month or longer for my brain to function sans meds.

I was well prepared with a huge tool box of coping skills too.

I’m on Disability for Bipolar and chronic pain physical conditions.

If I were still needing to keep my job and take care of my family I’m certain I would stay on medication if they are keeping me stable as my career was/is a very high stress one.

Now if your meds aren’t doing well for stability and your having issues like weight gain etc then I’d say you would do well to work closely with your Pdoc to find a better medication plan.

It’s not been easy since I stopped so many meds but I was on 18-19 meds daily and I just felt like I was chemically overloaded and wanted to detox my body as much as possible, I still need things like my asthma medications, medication for Fibromyalgia and a biologic for my psoriatic arthritis.

So do consult with your Pdoc before making a change , sure most Pdocs are against people with Bipolar stopping meds because statistically it’s a very small number of people can have a good quality life and you also need to think of how it will effect your loved ones sans meds. Your Pdoc would likely work hard to help you find better medications.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Thank you all. I had a long talk with my husband and I made an appointment with my psychiatrist today. We’ll see how it goes.

Are you seeing a therapist? I hoping one day I'll be med free but right now is not my time. Best of luck talking to your psychiatrist.

if u wanna kill mania bring up lithium w ur doctor I never got manic on it but can't say the same about lamictal.

I COMPLETELY agree with EVERYTHING that the other WISE and WONDERFUL posters have already WISELY AND WONDERFULLY SAID BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Please definitely talk to your Pdoc if you want to tamper off your Meds. At the very least, you'll be able to do so without bad consequences. I am REALLY HAPPY that you've decided to talk to your Husband about ALL OF THIS and that you're going to see your Psychiatrist soon! Please keep us updated and keep us posted on your situation if you can. We ALL do care! THAT'S A PROMISE! STAY ASSURED OF THAT! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if you need Advice and Support or even simply someone to talk to or vent to when you need it! I am SURE plenty of others here will GLADLY and WISELY help you as this thread has already BEAUTIFULLY and WONDERFULLY SHOWN! Sending Many Safe, Warm Hugs To BOTH You, @Catchingthesun, Your Family, Your Friends, Your Husband, Your Psychiatrist, Your Pdoc, Your Therapist, Your medical Staff, Your Medical Team, Your Nurses, Your Children, ALL The People You Love And Care About For WHO THEY TRULY ARE Who ALSO Care About You For WHO YOU TRULY ARE Who You ALSO Love And Care About You for WHO THEY TRULY ARE Who Love You And Care About You For WHO YOU TRULY ARE And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep Fighting And Keep Rocking!

I will just say that last year I decided I was sick of taking meds as I thought I was "cured",... BAD move on my part. cops hauled me off to jail. (sigh)

BUT it did make me put in place a more structured lifestyle and I have not missed a dose since. I no longer stay up late also. that's no good for bipolar disorder or anyone for that matter. bipolar or not. stress and sleep are my triggers. so I try to manage those to the best of my ability.

I would maybe think about an adjustment rather than quitting anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catchingthesun ....The medicine does tame me but it also takes away my passion, any sex drive I ever had, made me gain 50lbs and I basically try and have some version of the joy I once had. I’m at a point in my life where I’m like can my family and I manage with regular therapy visits, etc. I’ve never gone off my medications before and I know all the signs. I need real stories, thoughts.... Thanks, Catchingthesun

Your use of the word "tame" gave me a chill. I am in a constant battle with meds "taming" me vs. me being myself. Yes, I feel like my wild, wonderful self has been tamed. What an exact word for this.

I've been on medication for three decades, but when I went on Seroquel 7 years ago I gained 100lbs. As a result, I am in chronic pain, have high blood pressure, etc., etc. I finally weaned off the Seroquel (which never did anything except help me sleep). Now I'm on Abilify and have gained 5lbs. in the 3 weeks I've been on the stuff.

I feel half-alive. My normally way creative mind is blah. Everything is, in fact, blah. All I'm truly excited about is being able to sleep (when I'm able to).

And...my mind is quiet, I'm not off-the-chart angry all the time, and mentally handicapped by severe, relentless, delusional anxiety. I'm reasonable, and I play well with others.

But where did my natural passion go?

The way it feels to me, in my more bitter hours, is that I was given a great gift...to be extraordinarily intuitive, creative, sensual, ecstatic about the aliveness of life, impassioned - but there's a terrible trade-off. The B side of great is having to be on meds so I can be horrifyingly ordinary. And not on meds? Little to no ability to function, terribly depressed and frighteningly anxious. Unpredictable rages. Smashed by my own mind. Dragged to a miserable psych hospital in handcuffs.

I don't have any answers for you, or a lecture to recite. All I can say is...I understand and you're not alone.

I find the medication dulls or tames my moods. Tamed is a good word. For me, that's a good thing. I take lamictal, buspar, Klonopin, and a small dose 100 mg of Seroquel for sleep, along with 1 mg of Risperdal. I find the Risperdal does nothing. I was on Seroquel 300 XR for 2 years and I felt dead inside, but it was better than ruining my life with hypomania and mixed episodes. I stopped the Seroquel XR last year and I have more energy now. I was on Abilify for the month of April and I went right off the rails with hypomania almost immediately after taking it. We stopped that med and are trying Risperdal instead. No more hypomania, but I am slightly depressed. I can't find a happy medium. I'm beginning to think that's impossible.
Lithium made me gain 40 pounds and by 2015 I weighed 200 pounds. I'm 5'2". I'm down to 140 now. I cut out coffee (2 creams, 2 sugars), milk chocolate, and quit eating peanut butter. Some of my meds reduce my appetite, so that helped too. I take 11 different meds in total, with my other physical conditions.
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2013, at the age of 59. My life from age 50 to 60 was very difficult. In 8 years I had 14 jobs. I was also on unemployment twice and on welfare once, during that same period. I ended up on disability in 2013, and I'm now "retired" lol. Canada (or at least my province) cuts off disability when you reach age 65, and then you get a pension. Like now I'm a senior miraculously healed by turning 65.
I've also had to deal with trauma and past abuse. Therapy did wonders, but I had to go to intensive group therapy sessions twice. One group therapy I went to was at the mental health wing at the hospital and was 5 days a week for 10 weeks (outpatient). Another group was for survivors of abuse and lasted 11 weeks, one evening per week. I did both therapy sessions twice before I got the messages. I don't know where I'd be now without that therapy.
This forum is great for making me realize that what I feel is "normal" for bipolar. I'm not that weird after all. I think. There's always a qualifier when I think or speak now. The drugs took my self assurance away when they took my short term memory. From reading our posts, there seems to be a lot of common experiences people have had. That makes me feel better in some way, to know I'm not alone.

Can I just give all of you a hug? I’m not sure how to do it here but I am sending one to you all. I did talk with my Psychiatrist and Counselor and we are changing my meds and getting me off Latuda slowly as it is the one I hate being on. I’ve had to agree to go on short term disability with my work (I’m blessed to have it) while I transition. My moods are mixed and cycling and the anxiety seems to be the worse right now. I’m not going off my meds.......

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catchingthesun Can I just give all of you a hug? I’m not sure how to do it here but I am sending one to you all. I did talk with my Psychiatrist and Counselor and we are changing my meds and getting me off Latuda slowly as it is the one I hate being on. I’ve had to agree to go on short term disability with my work (I’m blessed to have it) while I transition. My moods are mixed and cycling and the anxiety seems to be the worse right now. I’m not going off my meds.......

I have found that getting rid of specific med that is especially bothersome really helps, overall.

Big hugs to you, too. This journey is interesting, but it's sure not easy...sharing experiences makes it a whole lot less lonely.

This is great news. Kudos to you for working with your treatment team to find a plan you can live with as opposed to taking matters into your own hands.

You can hug here in a few ways. Stating it like you did works. You can also use the Hug button at the bottom of each reply to hug individual responses. Additionally, there are a few hug emoji options you can click on within your replies. The icons are to the right of my reply, but I'm not sure if it looks the same for everyone. Group hugs, sad hugs and hugs

I’m reading this great book anatomy of an epidemic by Whitaker he talks a lot about the meds giving you the exact ailment that is supposed to treat you and since most of these block receptors in your brain once you withdrawal your brain is flooded with neurochemicals leading to mania or negative symptoms. Do what’s best for you I too will goo off my antipsychotic because of the side effects and depersonalization effect it has left me the past five years... also note that a lot of these drugs leave you with brain damage just my two cents