Worried this won't go away.

So I only slept 3 hrs last night. I woke up feeling fake, plastic, empty. I keep checking for a pulse so not to self harm. I’m isolating because I don’t exactly feel “here”. I keep thinking I can disappear without consequence. I know all of this is untrue. I want to get up and walk out the door but to go where? I told my husband I feel plastic. I wish I had real words to explain. I feel like I did when I thought I was his imaginary friend but disconnected from him too this time. I’m questioning whether I should go IP. I know this won’t last forever. I have to volunteer Monday. I think I’m safe. It doesn’t help that I still have the sensation of bugs still just not as bad. Same with my loud head. I’m waiting for bed I’m taking an ambien PRN tonight.

If your abilify increase is not helping with all this yet I think it is probably time to call your pdoc. You've given a long time and it doesn't sound like it is helping much at all. I think you should be seeing at least some benefit by now.

IP is definitely an option. Don't worry about what you have to do Monday, you can't do it anyway if you harm yourself. Do whatever you need to feel safe. Since the weekend is upon us IP may be what you need to do if you can't wait to call your pdoc Monday.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

Good for you for working with your pulse! Plastic beings don't have a heart. If you're imaginary, then so I am I. I'm real as far as I can tell, so we're good. Plastic people and robots don't have emotions either and you're full of those. Keep that in mind.

Not sure what to say about IP. You're beyond my own personal threshold of what I would consider red flags, but we are all different and I don't have a lot of personal experience to lean on. I hope the Ambien helps you sleep. You're right this won't last forever. Hugs.

Hi, I am sorry you have been having such a challenging time.

My own opinion is that you will likely benefit from IP.

However, I wonder if this is true for you? Sometimes it is helpful to people and sometimes it is not so helpful even when others think it will help.

What do you expect from IP?
Has IP been helpful in the past? How so?

Would you be hoping for a med change?

Does your husband feel you will benefit from IP? Yo do not need his approval to go IP. I am asking because he knows you well and has been in favor of your going IP in the past.

What happens if you do not go IP?
Are you concerned about your safety?
Are you at risk for hurting yourself or anyone else?

As much as I have gotten to know you, I honestly do not know if IP will be helpful to you. I think it may depend upon your expectations/desires for IP?

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

Isolating often increases depersonalization/derealization.
It if you tolerate it, maybe try to not isolate. If you find this too difficult, maybe try decreasing the amount of time you isolate.

I am adding a link for you, in case you might like to understand more of what is going on for you?

Depersonalization-derealization disorder - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

I hope you can work out the pros and cons for IP.
We are here. Let us know if we can help further.

So we ate and I made my husband lay down with me. He had me go through a bunch of exercises to prove I am thinking, and have organs and bones so I must be real. I was worried that I would seriously harm myself if I tried to prove I'm real. He used the bugs and the fact I have a tongue to prove I exist. Then went on to prove he existed and so did my son and dog, just encase. now I still have the feeling but know it can't hurt me. He thinks I woke up thinking this and it's just held on.

In general IP was just for my safety. I don't want my meds changed by anyone but my pdoc. From what I read this isn't a med thing anyway. I have 3 weeks before I see pdoc again. I don't know if IP has helped or if they just waited it out. I was on a ton of medication then and last time they said there was nothing they could do because I was on the max dosage which was BS. He doesn't think I need IP but would take me if I said to go. Originally when we laid down he wanted me to go to make sure it's not a physical health issue but I explained they would keep me for mental health.

If I stay the way I am now I will wait until I talk to T about what to do. (This is why it pisses me off she started scheduling me for every 2 weeks). Then the following Monday call pdoc if T suggests it. Before really talking to my husband I was worried for my safety but right now I know it's just a feeling and it can't hurt me.

I don't have my headphones on right now as isolation can make it worse. He doesn't want me taking the ambien feeling like this, understandable and no walks by myself.

I don't feel I'm at risk of hurting myself or someone else.

Thank-you for the link WC

It must be helpful to feel safer right now.
Should you feel unsafe again, please do let people know and you might then again consider IP.
Take care of yourself, MM.

Honestly I'm relieved IP scares me. I'm definitely telling T. I'm going to continue to update my H and you guys of course.

You suggesting you might go IP was the reason for the way I posted. I don't remember ever hearing you say you might need to go the way you said tonight.

I'm glad you have things calmed down and were able to talk to your husband and let him help you.

@BeyondtheRainbow I'm not sure the abilify is helping enough and IP is still on the table if things get worse again. I never expect to plummet that fast and oddly as I did today. Honestly when I went to talk to him I expected to be in the hospital tonight. Thank-you for encouraging me to do what's best for me knowing how scary it is for me.

thinking of you tonight.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I'm new to Abilify, too. It seems to be a mild AP. Definitely not a heavy hitter.

I hope you're feeling more stable tonight, MM. Update us.

I slept 8 hours. I feel like my body is asleep. I'm going to a museum.

EnJOY your day!