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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 04:50 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
While talking can be very grounding for some people, in some cases, talking can make things feel more intense, more real. I think that can be additionally frightening and can stir up more dissociation.


The way out of dissociation can be quite difficult. As you have mentioned, the first step is in recognizing triggers. I know this can be very tricky.


Does anything help when you are dissociating?


I often find talking helpful. I also find it very helpful if/when someone says my name. It is also sometimes helpful to me if someone (someone close to me) simply touches my forearm or some gesture like that where I become aware of my body.


The kind of fear that sets off dissociating is fierce! In fact, we dissociate in order to escape it, I think?


Over time, and after studying under many different authors, I'd realized that there is "Fear"and there is "Love." One can overwhelm the other. When I am feeling an overwhelmig amount of fear, I try to reach out and change my "status" by listening to music, by reaching out to help others, etc. If I can get myself more in alignment with Love, it is more difficult for me to identify with the fear. I am then not so overwhelmed with fear...and the need for dissociation tends to let up.


PTSD deserves respect, in that my writing something "fruity," like I have done so above, may seem "fluffy"and not be helpful. PTSD makes some significant changes in the central nervous system, etc.


In thinking about it though, for many of us, it has taken some very hurtful (often devastating) actions (usually on the part of others) to create the wound(s) and the fear associated with PTSD/dissociation. It then makes sense to me the that the opposite, Love and Light, might offer us some healing. (?)


One of the things I try to remember to do is to make sure I am in a place, or get myself into a place, where I feel as much Love as I can muster at the time.


Sometimes, it is helpful to recall a time when we have felt Love around us. If we focus/meditate upon times like these, we might be able to recreate the feeling and the associated chemistry. I find this helpful when I am feeling lost.


If we can create or recreate a feeling of being surrounded by Love, we might be able to chase away (or to transform) some of the fear and we might be able to escape, or to lessen our need to dissociate so often, so deeply?


This may or may not be helpful to you.

It has been very helpful to me and I'd wanted to share some of my experience with you.


You are not alone.

May you feel surrounded by Love
Having someone talk to me helps when I'm dissociated. Even if I don't seem to be responding, it's helping.

Also, I have an idea what is triggering/did trigger this, but I'm not sure if it's real or not. Does that make sense?

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 04:54 PM
  #42
WildCoyote, I, too am very impressed with the way you are handling this situation, and keeping to your values through it all. It must be so hard to deal with that level of betrayal, though. I am honestly amazed you can even show up to deal with stuff with him. It seems you are very resilient. I hope better things come your way soon.
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 05:00 PM
  #43
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Originally Posted by childofchaos831 View Post
Having someone talk to me helps when I'm dissociated. Even if I don't seem to be responding, it's helping.

Also, I have an idea what is triggering/did trigger this, but I'm not sure if it's real or not. Does that make sense?
Off hand, I am thinking your "confusion" as to whether or not the trigger is real or not is, perhaps, a part of the dissociation?

What happens when you think of it as real?

If, for instance, a hallucination set us off, would the hallucination be considered "real?" It was/is real enough to trigger us. Identifying the trigger is important, whether or not we can determine if the trigger is real. It really triggered us!

I am hoping you will be able to find a way out of the dissociation soon and can enJOY life.

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 05:03 PM
  #44
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Off hand, I am thinking your "confusion" as to whether or not the trigger is real or not is, perhaps, a part of the dissociation?


What happens when you think of it as real?


If, for instance, a hallucination set us off, would the hallucination be considered "real?" It was/is real enough to trigger us. Identifying the trigger is important, whether or not we can determine if the trigger is real. It really triggered us!


I am hoping you will be able to find a way out of the dissociation soon and can enJOY life.
Thank you.

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 05:15 PM
  #45
If someone moves my stuff- or even if I do- mentally and physically!- I can't find these things again. Pieces of paper, thoughts, my car keys, etc. They must go in the same spot every time. Its highly frustrating. I have a vague recollection of typing this exact post before but without a reference it all drops away: I am lost. Not good when I have important paperwork to do.

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 05:23 PM
  #46
Wild coyote, my continued support as you go through this awful time. Sometimes we do not know how strong we are until we are forced to be. You are quite strong!

I am still feeling down, but the fog seems to be lifting a little bit. I think the worst of the episode has passed. I still do not want to go to work, but I am not feeling as desperate to get away. The self harm urges have mostly gone. I’m starting to think if I can just make it through this week I will be able to rest and pick up next week with actual lesson plans. I’m hoping this is true. I still think I would go back to my old job if I could but that doesn’t seem to be an option. I am not planning to return to school, however. So I will lose this job at the end of the year no matter what. And I am ok with that.

I am so very tired. Exhaustion is a symptom of both depression and diabetes. Since both MAY be at play here, it’s hard to know what way I should go. I will be going to my primary care dr as soon as I am insured. Until then, I will try to slowly change the way I eat. It’s a tough road, because I am so used to eating junk. But it must be done.

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 05:44 PM
  #47
This paperwork needs filled out for all the adults in the household. N3 refuses to pay anything!! I cant continue to support him at 18. He quit his job and refuses to get a new one. He just wants to visit with his girlfriend. He rarely ever practices piano either. I feel like wringing his neck!

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 06:04 PM
  #48
Had more weird dreams last night, was tossing and turning and woke up and started ruminating and panicking about stuff. Fortunately I went to bed early enough to make up for the lack of sleep. It's oddly been around the same time each night. I definitely feel off. I am going on a trip to visit my grandma and aunt this weekend and I have developed such bad flight anxiety in recent months, plus with how overstimulating I find airports, I am worried if I continue to feel off I'll totally lost it on the plane or something. Anyways at least something positive is that I am getting some work done, so that's good at least. Sending compassion!
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 09:02 PM
  #49
Tomorrow morning I have to get up early for my volunteering. I'm far from excited, but maybe it'll be better than I expect.

My sister didn't even know that I was unaware of my dad's release from the hospital. I wasn't even thinking about him much. She said my brother was at her house upset. Apparently he got home abd Dad was drunk. Surprise? I wrote my sister to tell my dad to pay his bills, finally, and quit the hospital visit charade. Why bother? I won't be visiting him any time soon, I'm afraid.
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 09:11 PM
  #50
Ooooooooooo my daughter is getting married!!!!! Soon, too, December! We're going dress shopping on the 17th. It will be so much fun. Ahhhh, what's the mother of the brides duties? I never was one for traditional but my daughter is, ah, I gotta go google

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 09:14 PM
  #51
Congrats Nammu!!
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 09:37 PM
  #52
They've been engaged for 10 years and have two kids!

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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 10:17 PM
  #53
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Ooooooooooo my daughter is getting married!!!!! Soon, too, December! We're going dress shopping on the 17th. It will be so much fun. Ahhhh, what's the mother of the brides duties? I never was one for traditional but my daughter is, ah, I gotta go google
Yay!!! Congratulations!!! I bet you’re thrilled.
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 10:20 PM
  #54
Checking in. Mood is good, sleep is better. I got a weighted blanket and started listening to a guided sleep meditation with brain wave entrainment. Both have helped a lot. Nothing of interest going on. Just wanted to say hello and send warm wishes and hugs to those that are struggling.
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 10:21 PM
  #55
Yay Nammo! How exciting! Dress shopping should be fun.

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Heart Oct 01, 2019 at 10:29 PM
  #56
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Checking in. Mood is good, sleep is better. I got a weighted blanket and started listening to a guided sleep meditation with brain wave entrainment. Both have helped a lot. Nothing of interest going on. Just wanted to say hello and send warm wishes and hugs to those that are struggling.
Hey there!
Good ideas for sleep!
glad to hear it helps!

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Default Oct 02, 2019 at 01:13 AM
  #57
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I have been working on trying to change my "feelings" all day long.. I find my way and then lose it again, only to find it again, and on and on it goes.


Today has been especially painful. I have had to be dealing with my soon-to-be "ex." We have a property to remodel a bit and then to sell. He and I have been trying to make these decisions together. It has gone relatively well at times. He is testing the waters now though. I see a lot of his "activites" going on right in front of my face. It is difficult to keep my composure and to keep things headed in the right direction while trying to cope with this. I think he is more "mindless" than not. He is also arrogant about all that has happened. I think he does not realize I can see as much as I can see. He thinks I am being fooled. I am not being fooled. I am watching and keeping an eye out for myself... because it has been proven , in this case, I must do so.


I do, in fact, see him continuing his activities and watch him repeatedly continue to lie to me about both consequential and inconsequential matters. (Yet, isn't it always "consequential" if someone is chronically lying?)


I don't like the fact that I truly MUST keep an eye out when it comes to someone I have spent almost 30 years with. It seems surreal. Yet, it is true and it's best to not forget it, at least not until the big D is final and maybe longer.


It's an interesting balance to try to achieve, one between getting along with someone enough to work together and one in which one must be ready for any kind of betrayal at any moment. I do, in fact, see him continuing to carry on and lying to my face, even today... over and over again.


I have been hoping he would show even a little bit of remorse and would have enough respect for me to truly spare me, rather than going through the motions of pretending to spare me.


I am trying my best to remain amicable and to keep things on track, hoping to put an end to this fiasco as soon as is reasonably possible.


I guess I can only do my best by staying in alignment with my own values while he decides how he conducts himself. I do not want to spend my time or energy responding to his ongoing (mis)behaviors.


Thanks for reading and thanks so much for your support.


I think your doing an amazing job with this giant Cluster F he just dropped on you out of no where. You know what I think about him of course.

I honestly think you are taking on one task after another. Yes many many tasks to go through. Eventually everything will be settled and you won’t feel all this heavy weight on your shoulders.

I know that you are grieving the loss, he’s a horrible human being but still 30 years together is a long time, betrayal like he has done could temporarily crush you , but I know you will manage it. Yeah it will take you time so remember to go easy on yourself. Continue to lean on family and friends, you know I’m always here for you

You are so very strong

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Default Oct 02, 2019 at 01:19 AM
  #58
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If someone moves my stuff- or even if I do- mentally and physically!- I can't find these things again. Pieces of paper, thoughts, my car keys, etc. They must go in the same spot every time. Its highly frustrating. I have a vague recollection of typing this exact post before but without a reference it all drops away: I am lost. Not good when I have important paperwork to do.


I have to keep things in there “ place” if my husband happens to move something I can freak out and then panic ensues.

I feel your pain

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Default Oct 02, 2019 at 01:23 AM
  #59
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This paperwork needs filled out for all the adults in the household. N3 refuses to pay anything!! I cant continue to support him at 18. He quit his job and refuses to get a new one. He just wants to visit with his girlfriend. He rarely ever practices piano either. I feel like wringing his neck!


Ack kids these days !! Do you pay for his cell by chance tell him he has 5 days to find a job or you will cut off his line.

Seems like push has come to shove.... a big plate of tough love might be needed.

I’m sorry he’s being such a jerk !!

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Default Oct 02, 2019 at 01:26 AM
  #60
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Ooooooooooo my daughter is getting married!!!!! Soon, too, December! We're going dress shopping on the 17th. It will be so much fun. Ahhhh, what's the mother of the brides duties? I never was one for traditional but my daughter is, ah, I gotta go google


Oh my gosh so exciting!!!!!

I have no idea about duties. My mom just took over planning my wedding , it wasn’t worth the fight .. she had imagined it in her head since my birth so I just let her do it her way.

Honestly I’d need to google too lol

Enjoy!

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