Bipolar Check-In #38

I hope the increase in rexulti helps. Obviously everyone is different, but I know an increase in mine made a huge difference with depression even with only 0.5mg more.

I did some cleaning up. Tore up 3 large boxes into small pieces so that I could fit them into my recycling bin bag. Then I put some stuff away in a clear bin on one of my closet’s shelves.

Otherwise, my day was pretty boring, all in all. Did nothing much besides clean and watch YouTube. I feel pathetic for being so lazy, but I'm sure tomorrow will be more productive.

Hey Blue!

Some days are just less productive, or productive in different ways!
It sounds like you have been doing a great job getting things in shape.

When you are finished, you can come to my house and help me to get more organized!

Is your computer fixed?

It's great you are giving the group a try. I find myself overly stimulated if I stay near much activity (at all) in the evening. I do best by winding down early.

I hope all went well with the dentist?
How is Charlie?
Much Love

YES! I have also spent a year or more eating rice and beans. I learned to love it and I learned a lot about specific rices and beans. Got great prices in bulk at a local health food store. I, too, used a lot of chickpeas (humus) and lentils! Lentils! I turned into a lentil freak! I even ate lentils or lentil soup for breakfast.

I was very healthy, very fit.
It can be a very healthy way of living, as long as one's diet is balanced overall.

Love to All!

It's often amazing when we can rally and can push our way through.
I do think most of us end up paying a price for pushing our way through; yet, there are circumstances under which we have not much choice.

It sounds like you push your way through a lot. I have been amazed; yet, I knew you were truly not well and were pushing to the max. You have accomplished a lot, overall. I hope knowing this helps to offset any price you might pay for having pushed through.

I do hope things are going more smoothly at home. You deserve understanding and support.

I am glad you have been cleared for classes.

It can take a lot to get thorugh a panic attack. I used to have them several times a day. It was just horrible. I do not have them very often now. I hope you have relief !

I have had some good results with intermittent fasting. There are many variations now. I am going to try it again, soon. I did much better by increasing my protein, it kept my blood sugar very stable during the fasting hours. I hope you find it works well for you!

Rainy,
First of all, we could not copy and paste your post (above) and then I could not find it. I eventually found it here. I did copy it into your thread, as you had been trying to move it there. Much Love

I really feel for you. You suffer a lot. You rarely get relief.
I have interacted with you on various forums and you are such a great person.

I often read your posts, stop and think if there is anything I can suggest that might be helpful. I have not yet thought of something you have not tried.

I am going to keep thinking though, as I am VERY hopeful for your healing and your for your future.

Much Love

I'm currently sitting in the middle of the mall having a coffee I shouldn't've spent my last 2 cents on. (Well it feels like it!) Its very depressing in here: the lighting- the skylights projecting a dreary sky yet the electric lights in thin "X" shapes are almost too bright. The temperature is a little too cool but I have my coat off. I just wanna crawl into a hole and never come out. Closest I can come is getting in bed with my million pillows and my weighted blanket under my comforter. But the hole would be dark. The mall is boring. Its also big. Im glad there's enough light to go around.

I’m glad your feeling even a tiny bit better! I really admire how Proactive you are

Im sorry you are needing to take another trip , especially when your not on totally solid ground. She’s lucky to have you and your husband in her like. I hope she realizes.

I dealt with a cheating tow truck years ago, it’s such a pain , the companies do it because unfortunately most people won’t take them to court. Sad what goes on in our world now.

Please keep taking good care of yourself

So glad you got some stuff done !!!

I worked from home today so I didn't have to interact with anyone other than my son. It was good.

So today was better than yesterday - not as strange because I didn't have to force things as much.

Thanks everyone for your support it's nice to be among people that understand.

I'm feeling mentally tired because work is stressful but I'm managing for now. I'm hoping I can continue to manage the stress because it's not going to get any better for several months.

I'm still feeling depressed but I'm hopeful that the Mirapex will start working in the next couple of weeks.

I slept maybe 5-6 hours today after an all-nighter last night. Hoping I can sleep tonight as I have therapy tomorrow.

I met with my T today. It was mostly about what I'm reading, or would like to be reading. We also talked about my recent foray into journalling and how I can use it to identify triggers and process the stressors that come up during the day.

Well we had our court date this morning about a hospital bill my husband had from 4 years ago. Pneumonia! He couldn’t work and had no insurance at the time. He had applied for SSDI but we all know how long that can take.

The hospital it’s self requires all balances be paid off fully in 3-4 months.. ummm sorry I don’t have 400 +bucks extra sitting around each month.

So the attorney pushed for 100.00 a month . I’m like we are BOTH on disability.. here’s my husband with his portable oxygen, we have to pay monthly for him to even breath. So he said .. well the lowest I can go is 50.00 if not we will put a lien on your home and the interest will just increase forever.

So we agreed to 50.00 a month and I know that’s probably not a problem for most people but for us it’s just another bill we have to count pennies for.

My husband and I would have never thought in a million years we would both wind up unable to work and have to live off SSDI, it just slams you into a hard poverty. I’m just beyond grateful that we own our home outright. Huge blessing.

I’m just feeling defeated. In the next month I have to see my Pdoc, T Rhuematologist and also see TWO different specialist so there is more medical bills to find a way to pay, I mean.. I need my liver and lungs but damn! Ugh !

We didn’t plan to get so ill I’d love. to be able to go back to working 12 hour shifts 6 days a week in a nursing home.

Once again this bubbles up in me feelings of shame, being a burden, my self worth seems to literally be draining right out of my body as I type this.

We live a quite life, we might grab dinner or lunch out at most twice a month... and we are talking a local diner. Burger and fries with a drink and tip 18.00 And the food is served in a basket not even on a plate ! I don’t go “ shopping “ but I had to buy one decent looking shirt this year and 2 bras because mine literally broke and they were at least 5 years old. I don’t by makeup, my razor is probably 6 months old , I use shampoo that’s a dollar.. we saved for months to buy a dvd set we really really wanted. I drink one soda a day then it’s all water.. we don’t go out to the movies. I plan out our meals with a very strict budget and portion controlled.. We never throw out food. We schedule trips into town to take care of multiple things at once because we just can’t afford to make even one extra trip with our gas budget.

Sorry guys I’m just very discouraged, having a pity party for myself right now...

@~Christina I can relate. We are getting to that point. We need to find food banks, etc. The only thing saving us is my daughter and her job but she's moving out in February so....

~Christina I am so sorry. $50/month is rough.

Christina I am so sorry. I know what it’s like to not have two pennies to rub together, and that’s when both my husband and I were working full time. Unbeknownst to me he was spending all our money on drugs. So I tried very hard to budget, I’d get up early to make him breakfast and lunch, then he would say he ate it all by ten am and was hungry again for lunch...50 withdrawn...why does lunch cost 50...I was so naive.

Anyway this is about YOU, not me. I understand how just one more bill can seem impossible. You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Try not to get too discouraged. You may never get to live the high life but you’re getting by with what you’ve got. That’s something to be proud of!

So my grandmother, the saint that she is, said that she will pay for cobra for me until I can get proper insurance from a job. This is because I can’t get coverage for my son through the healthcare.gov for some reason. I might be able to once open enrollment starts but as of right now he’s not covered. So as long as I pay my premium for this month I will have insurance again. So I can finally go to the dr for the diabetes symptoms. I am so annoyed by them. I hate being so hungry all the mother****ing time, having to pee eighty times a day, downing bottle after bottle of water...if it’s not diabetes (which I’m hoping for) I hope we can at least figure out what it is. Now that depression is not masking my appetite, I am gaining weight again because I’m so hungry.

Mood wise I’m doing well. Seem to be on even ground again. Not too happy, not agitated, not depressed. I’m happy the med change worked so quickly. I really needed a break.

I’m looking forward to my job interview on Monday. I think it would be a good job for me. Still low paying but at least it would be full time. Right now as a sub I’m not guaranteed full time employment any time soon. Apparently there’s another person who just lost her one to one who is a full time employee with a contract so they have to give her a position first.

I just booked a hotel for me and RS in the mountains for our one year anniversary in November. I’m really excited about it. I haven’t been on a trip since a year or two before my husband died. So what, five, six years? And we will be kid free! Just us. We will drive there after worn on Friday and cone back Sunday morning. That will give us one full day to have fun. I’m hoping it won’t be TOO cold because I want to visit this monolith park and hike around. I also want to go to the antique market and then hard cider tasting. I’m excited if you can’t tell lol!