Bipolar Check-In #38

I'm so tired. We cancelled what we could this week. My sister's family is coming over tomorrow. Money is running short this month. I don't know where I ****ed up. Today was nice and relaxed. My dog loves when we're home for most of the day.

Clearly that lawyer has never had to pinch pennies and has no idea how far $50 breaks the budget. Yeah SSDI is poverty living. I'm so sorry they wouldn't just forgive the debt.

(((((( Christina )))))) :

I do not understand why some must go through so much.

I am more than willing to do whatever I can possibly do to help you through.

Love ya!

My colonoscopy and endoscopy are scheduled for Monday but I just found out that probably isn't happening.

When I saw the GI we talked about using different drugs to be MAOI safe and he asked me to have my pdoc email him (same hospital system, exactly why I am doing this there). But then they scheduled me with a different GI for the procedures. Fine. It's in my chart we discussed this, all should be well.

I emailed my pdoc the other day to ask about what meds to take the night before so I wouldn't be too sedated to handle the 4 AM prep. I just heard back from her a few hours ago that I had worse issues. Apparently the GI I'm scheduled with doesn't think I should have this done at the regional center and won't arrange for my pdoc to talk to the anesthesiologist prior to the procedures. Nor has the GI contacted me. Apparently she was going to let me do the bowel prep, show up and maybe do the procedure.

My family re-arranged schedules to get this done. My mom cancelled volunteer tutoring. My brother called off work to petsit. My mom has other stuff going on that she just doesn't have time to re-schedule. My brother cancelled a high tip night and she is going to pay him for tips. I had arranged and paid for a nice motel (nice meaning it has a fridge for my bowel prep) that I found cheap online; the last time to cancel was midnight tonight so I had to do that. I'm sure it will be much more expensive if I can get the same place if this somehow works out.

I am so mad. I've been waiting for months and I can't believe GI wasn't going to call me and tell me they aren't comfortable. Which is also somewhat ridiculous as I had surgery last year with less upset. I absolutely can't believe my pdoc is the one to tell me my GI procedure may not happen or that I may want to check into that further.

I sent the GI that I saw a message and will call Friday if I haven't heard from him. I hope I hear tomorrow but they have 3 days to respond and if he doesn't open it he won't respond.

I'm so upset. I need this done and I had myself feeling good about doing it. And now it is just a waste of everything. My mom absolutely doesn't need a whole day blown. She has to be in the city 3 days next week along with my probably botched procedures. It's just not right to mess with people's lives like this.

I just want this over with, not strung along another month. It's my own fault, I should have insisted on the dr I saw. He was so relaxed about it through that I thought my notes in my chart and my pdoc verifying I am ok with the suggested drugs that would be fine.

What a waste.

Have you ever tried Swagbucks? You do surveys, watch ads, do various little tasks and use their search engine and you can make some money. I've made $25-$50 a month when I was really motivated at it; some people make more. You can cash out for gift cards (including amazon) or paypal. It has helped me when things were rough. It's not exactly fun but it doesn't take too much time unless you want it to.

I hope you find a way to make the $50 less painful. I'm dreading having medical bills if I ever get these scopes done. I've had dental work on carecredit forever but otherwise just was paying my co-pay for my pdoc. Now that will go up. My hospital is more reasonable than yours though. I'm sorry yours don't know they are dealing with humans.

I so agree with you!

I used to get harassed a lot, between my private disability insurer and my main coverages. In some cases, i've just asked for names . in many cases, I'd asked their names and wrote letters to their supervisors, etc.

I'd often asked hospital staff, investigators and others, "tell me, just how do you sleep at night?"

it's so very stressful!l

My heart goes out!

Thanks I hope you can get something figured out for when she moves out

Thanks

Yes ... yes we are lucky.. we were able to sell our home in Florida and with my inheritance when my Mom died we decided to just buy our home and acreage outright here , I refused to have a mortgage ever again.

Thanks The Lawyer honestly wasn’t a jerk about it .. it was just option 1 or 2

If we didn’t own our home ? The judge would have dismissed the entire balance..

I dunno how I got so lucky having you in my life

Oh no

I’m so sorry this is turning into such a mess

I hope you hear back quickly from them and some how it all gets worked out. You have been too sick for far too long.

Gawd I hate this for you

Thanks ! I will look into that online stuff. Any money I can generate will help

Our hospital prior to being bought out use to be great about payment plans that was reasonable. It’s a 25 bed hospital , so they had more heart but that’s why it was set to just be closed down, Big company came across middle Tennessee and bought up almost all the small hospitals.

I’m dreading what my GI consult and all the testing will cost. It will all be done at a large hospital 1.5 hours away. I’m hoping some how I can get all that figured out somehow. I hate money!

Bleh I swear it would be cheaper if I just died lol

Glad you have a trip to look forward too !!!!! Enjoy

I want to cry and I want to sleep and neither of those is happening....I dread telling my mom tomorrow that she rescheduled her life for no reason whatsoever. I am this close to a panic attack; my heart is racing. But so far it hasn't grown. I just am so MAD about the scopes. I tried to be calm and pleasant in my emails but it was hard to not yell at them. I'm hoping with a slight chance that the GI dr I saw can do my scopes Monday as scheduled since he isn't scared of me.

Did I mention the irony that the Dr who refuses to work with me/my pdoc is a trained pdoc? She was a pdoc in another country and they when she moved here she trained in GI. I bet she was a GREAT pdoc......(sarcasm)...........

That's terrible. I'm glad tho that she's an ex pdoc. I hope the original doc can do it as planed.

What goes up, must come down.

Partner mailed my nurse concerned, I mailed her concerned, saw her yesterday and she pretty much said I need to change or I am going to just go into a another depression (mine already tend to go on for months) and end up losing my job.

Not too surprising, but it terrifies me because I worked so hard for this and I'm afraid I can't change. I don't like to let things go and I'm a perfectionist, and I'm working on something that has a high impact if I do it right. I am on a temp contract, too, which also sort of hangs on this.... I can set myself up for a permanent appointment if I do this right. There's a lot at stake, I don't want to fail.

I started blocking off my agenda so people stop chain scheduling me (next Thursday I have back to back meetings the entire day), maybe this will help me get my structure back?

It can't stay the way it is, but I find it difficult to change...especially feeling the way I do, I'm already starting my spiral again.

That's just how it goes for me, something good happens and it either just ends badly by itself or I mess up.

I hate that so many Doctors forget that we are all human beings and not just some numbers written on a procedure board and we do have to make plans that include having others help us get to appts and such

Im so sorry

I hope you can make some changes at work to help yourself in such a trying time. Depression is horrible I hope it lifts soon

I had quite a bad stomach yesterday, and when I get a bad stomach I tend to et really low energy

this morning the pain continued (along with fibro pain), and though I got rid of the stomach pain by coughing, I'm still in really bad pain with my back

Christina and Moose, and all others struggling with money issues, huge hugs. We have to hold on to our loved ones tightly. They are worth a trillion dollars.