Bipolar Check-In #38

Whatever, I admire you for the effort you're putting into the OA group. I have toyed with the idea of starting a bipolar support group at the college here (My son attends as a sophomore and my wife works in the alumni dept.) but I'm afraid of committing to it. It probably wouldn't get approved anyhow since I am neither student nor staff.


Anyhow, I was just dropping by to report that I'm leaving for ECT fairly early tomorrow morning so may not have time to greet the day here. Not knowing how I'll feel after I get back from the procedure, I should wish you all a good weekend now.

I am still feeling depressed, but a bit better. I had therapy yesterday followed by a walk in the park with a friend then Thai food. I got a tofu red curry. Yum!
Therapy went well. I have been struggling lately and my therapist told me I have fused with my obsessive thoughts and need to seperate myself again. This is true I think. When it gets bad I just believe them instead of just worrying they might be true. She said I am basically traumatizing myself with the doubt. While I wouldn't say I totally agree it's that bad it definitely is messing with my head a lot. She also said I need to start ERP therapy for OCD so hopefully I can improve with that.

I see a lot of people here are struggling so I am sending extra compassion to everyone!

Spent the day quietly hoping to get some major housework done but only was able to do a little due to exhaustion. I guess i have to rest and get my mojo back before i can get anything major done. I ate better today as i got up at 6:30am but went back to bed til 8:00am -- just rested, didn't sleep but it still did me good as i got up and was able to eat a large serving of mango and some dry multi-grain Cheerios. Have been having epic trouble eating breakfast recently, even getting the dry heaves from water. Guess i just can't eat at 6:00am but at 8:00am it's possible, even enjoyable!

Was a bit worried to read about WildFlowerChild25's diabetes symptoms -- worried for her, of course, but also for myself, as i have also been having those same symptoms. I had a blood test done last week but not sure if my doctor tested my sugars. Will look into it. Have been drinking liter after liter of water. It's embarrassing how much.

Late into my Overeaters Anonymous around 11:00am when i'm able to drink for the first time that day, once the nausea has passed and i get thirsty, i have been belting it back like i'm dying of dehydration! Before i discovered the nice glass carafe in the kitchen there with the nifty mugs and started using them for water i was drinking out of this old Gatorade bottle and it made such a tremendous racket in the quiet room (crackle-crackle-crackle went the plastic as i squeezed it) with some poor woman pouring her soul out and i felt like a horse's ***!!!

Hugs to all the anxious girls on Earth!!!

Thank you, fern.

You have been on my mind today. Wanted to get a PM to you this morning.

I did not recall anything I'd shared until you'd written this. I went back and looked. I have some moments that are worse than others. Things have fluctuated throughout the day.

After having written a couple of short posts again now, I am rapidly getting very weary.

Until I can get to you personally, Please know you and yours are in my thoughts and my prayers.

Checking in. I’ve been MIA for a few days because I was trying to get things ready for my daughter’s visit. I made significant progress in that pesky den and should have it completely cleared within a week. Yay!

My lifecoach agreed to stay off Facebook for awhile and recommended that I take a number of selfies and pics with my daughter and have one framed for her apartment and one for my home so that’s what we’re doing tomorrow.

We’ve been running around today having a blast enjoying fall activities and flavors: fresh apple cider, pumpkin spice doughnuts and lattes, decorating pumpkins, baking pumpkin seeds. It’s been a radically good day as I’ve listed in my mood log.

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Those activities sound super fun! I bought some apple cider and did some autumn cooking. The last time I carved a pumpkin, the poor pumpkin dude/gal really needed a makeover. I've been just arranging the gourds, instead. My husband doesn't like seeds, for some reason. I do. But he sure loves nuts !

I'm exhausted. Was gone from 11to 7 for wedding dress shopping. There was hundreds of dresses! My daughter pick a very lovely one, one that hanging on the hanger I didn't care for but when she put it on, wow. Mostly I was sitting but nevertheless the back was hurting so bad. I worry about getting though the wedding itself.. That and the expense.

Met with my old therapist and that went well. I talked a lot and caught her up, it had been 6 months that I had seen her before. I see her again in 2 weeks. I am struggling with chewing on my cuticles and injuring myself. my right thumb is awful....I chewed the sh!!!t out of it yesterday. and it hurts so bad when I use fingernail polish remover for my job..ouch!

I have been drinking too much and gaining weight. not good. I have an addictive personality. Alcohol, food, internet, picking all OCD type behaviors.

sigh
bizi

I'm feeling a bit better since I spoke to my Sister, Psychiatrist, Peer Worker and Counsellor. I'm seeing my counsellor next week and my peer worker in a few weeks. Still waiting on my meds the NHS isn't very quick. Been 3 days still no meds how am I meant to get better if I don't have the meds huh.

I still don't want to be here and I'm still wanting to write letters to everyone but I know it's not the answer

That sounds fun! I love autumn stuff I have some pumpkin spice creamer I bought and got some pumpkin donuts recently. Baked pumpkin seeds are amazing, I usually just salt them. I know some people do cinnamon and sugar though, never tried that.

Glad you're doing well

I'm glad your daughter found a lovely dress!! Sounds like she has good tastes.

I hope your back feels better soon.

Are you guys planning a large wedding or something?

I'm happy to hear you're feeling a bit better, even if you're not 100% still.

I'm also glad you're able to recognize that writing letters is not the answer. It takes a lot of strength to admit that.

I hope you're able to get the meds ASAP. Does it normally take this long to get meds in the U.K.? I'm in the U.S., so I don't know.

I worked for 11.5 hours yesterday due to someone else's bad planning

bizi, I am glad you are back to seeing your therapist. It seems like more support would be really helpful for you. Remind me, do you go to AA? I know it's not for everyone, but it can help.

I have very minor compulsive and addictive behaviors. They used to be worse, but eased (but not disappeared). You are not alone in having more than one habit, like you described. Coincidentally, my brother-in-law has always chewed his cuticles. His fingers look terrible! I grind and clench my teeth, which has been problematic. Both my brother-in-law and I abused alcohol. My eating also increases with stress. Isn't hard to not do something?

Not large no, but it's getting more elaborate by the day. She has only one bridesmaid but there were 6 of us with her yesterday. Me, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bridesmaid, cousin and justice of the peace, two friends. It was a proper Say yes to the dress.the attendant we had couldn't have been nicer. Yes, she has good taste, very elegant. Not like her hippie mom at all.

Have plans to have dinner and see a movie with a friend tonight. Kind of nervous because it's been forever since I've hung out with anyone but it should be nice. I managed to get some pretty good sleep despite all the panic attacks I had yesterday. I spent a couple hours just listening to music and it was very helpful. I have really good quality headphones and enjoy using them (beyerdynamic). Drawing has been helping with my anxiety as well. And of course reading too.

my shower today caused me no end of backpain.

also today my internet went down, and that messed up my alexa (why can't alexa just connect herself?. she's meant to be so clever and stuff)

irritated me too because I had to deal with my emails offline, and delay sending of them.

stomach is feeling better today which is good (I hate when it hurts), and I guess my mood's okay, fibro pain is really bad though

It use to be the Psychiatrist or Nurse write a script for you and you took it to the pharmacy. But they must of changed it. Now I won't get it until Mon at the earliest which will be 6 days after he prescribed them. I'm sitting crying cause my Sister has left to go away for the weekend. What an idiot

HI Laura,
I am sorry you are experiencing difficulty obtaining meds. Why do you have to wait until Monday?

Is there any chance you can call the nurse andor the doctor and tell them you need meds sooner

I am sorry, I may have missed some of your ongoing story. I hope you can access meds asap. Please exhaust any avenue in getting the meds as soon as possble.
We are here for you, Miss Laura.

I've just called again and they still don't have my letter from Psychiatrist which means no script. Which means its gonna be Monday as its 5:40pm here and the Doctors surgery shuts at 6pm my Psychiatrist probably only works until 5pm. I'll call up before I go to my dietician appt at 9:15am on Monday. But I seriously could do with something right now as I'm crying uncontrollably. Over... my Sister leaving me for the weekend.... get a grip huh!