Bipolar Check-In #38

Woke up at 3am and cleaned/paced for 5 straight hours. I guess I was a little ramped up, not sure why. Anyway, got my grocery shopping done and I'm really excited because I bought sone chocolate chip cookie sandwiches with cannoli filling!


Have been having some bad anxiety probably from the lack of sleep so took one of my PRN medications. Just hoping the rest of the day goes by fast so I can get a good nights sleep tonight.


I'm too tired to do anything now like focus on reading a book but at the same time I want to do something so the time goes by faster so I'm stuck debating what to do

You have gotten a lot done!!!!! Oh wow chocolate chip cannoli filling ? Oh my gosh ... sounds yummy!!!

Can you trace your anxiety to anything ?? I have trouble trying to find the source often ...

Hopefully you can relax and have a nice evening

I don't know. I so rarely drink. What with cirrhosis I probably shouldn't drink. That's what I'm saying. But yeah- the kids were all a twitter: Mom got alcohol?? I don't worry that I'll become an alcoholic but I do worry about what the kids think.

My day is somewhere between "bad" and "alright." Sometimes, things are okay; other times, they're not. So, it's tough to say one way or another if my day is alright or bad.


I haven't cleaned in two days if you include today. I desperately want to clean, but I also don't feel up to it. I'm really tired and worn out, especially after hearing the mice all night long last night... *scratch* ... *rustle* ... *rustle* ... *scratch* ... *scratch* ...


I haven't tried my peppermint scent in the diffuser, but I might try it tonight since mice supposedly hate the scent. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about my apartment smelling like peppermint, but it's better than having mice around. Plus, my apartment has a weird lemony chemical scent that hasn't gone away since moving in 1.5 yrs ago anyway, so I suppose peppermint can't be any worse. Maybe annoying, but not worse. Here goes nothing...

Yes I will have insurance I think, I just signed up through the healthcare.gov. As long as they accept my documents I will have it. I won’t go back on invega as it screwed up my hormones and caused me to gain 75lbs in a year. Stability is not worth gaining more weight. Especially since I might have diabetes already.


Today it was hard to get out of bed. But I did it. I didn’t think I could make it through work but I did. So small victories. The last thing I have to do today is take a shower before my appointments. Seems impossible but I’m going to try. I might end up just washing my hair. I did shower yesterday so it’s not an immediate need.


I’m not sure if I feel safe driving to my appointments today. I will be on the highway and it will be hard not to hurt myself. But there’s no one to watch my son if RS comes with me. He’d have to sit in the waiting room and entertain my son for twenty minutes at the pdoc and 45 minutes at my T. I don’t want to do that to him. He’ll do it if I ask him to because he’s so sweet but I don’t want to have to. It just might be safer if I don’t drive.


I asked RS if he’d miss me if I were gone. I knew he would say yes but I just needed to hear it. Manipulative, perhaps. I’m not sure. I didn’t mean to scare him. But I am feeling very low and the suicidal thoughts are looming. I know my family would be destroyed if I did it so I’m trying to combat them. I have t hurt myself yet so that’s good.

Maybe a warm shower or bath before bed ? Cup of tea?

I’m sorry your struggling to get sleep it’s awful to not have that escape daily.

I got a nap this morning for an hour or so and another this afternoon before class. Gonna try to eat dinner and just crash, if I can.

My pdoc told me to titrate up on lamictal over the course of two weeks to 200mg. She is also starting me on 150mg of Wellbutrin. So hopefully I will start feeling better soon.

I feel a little better now that there is a plan in place. I see her again in two weeks.

@~Christina Izzy and O'Malley die at the same time??

I got a nap this morning for an hour or so and another this afternoon before class. Gonna try to eat dinner and just crash, if I can.

I still can't get through to the IRS for the paperwork I need for section 8. This is rediculous. The housing commission just says I should be able to so keep trying. Its the same thing every time. I have 2 options. I choose the one that relates to me and it says "sorry... Blah blah blah" and hangs up on me. Doing it online gets me stuck in the sign-up process. It just says "your info is wrong" and that's it. I can't advance.

Doing ok I think.


My daughter has just broken up with her bf. She cheated on him whilst drunk. I don’t know how to handle or respond to this situation. She seems to not get that cheating is not ok. I don’t get it - we’ve raised her to behave better. Hopefully I can stay stable dealing with my daughter’s issues. I always feel like I’m responsible whenever my children do the wrong thing.


After 4 sessions with my new T I’ve decided to ‘divorce’ her. So far I’ve spent part of each session in the bathroom a nervous wreck. T’s big on doing historic ‘archeological digs’ which I’m really uncomfortable with. My childhood is my childhood and I can’t change it. She told me in the 4th session that my anxiety stems from my early childhood which I spent sick and in hospitals. Given that I actually told her that same thing in the first 5min in the first session it’s frustrating. In 4 sessions she has given me no new tools to manage my anxiety or any strategies to prevent triggering anxiety. If anything, I’m more anxious. Thus the ‘divorce’.

I’ll give self therapy a go. “Physician heal thyself” and all that. I’ve decided to take myself through a book “change your thinking” by Sarah Edelman. It’s a book with lots of CBT strategies. Maybe if I can reframe some things I’ll be less anxious.


Hope everyone is having a good day. Hugs to those who need them.

My pdoc told me to titrate up on lamictal over the course of two weeks to 200mg. She is also starting me on 150mg of Wellbutrin. So hopefully I will start feeling better soon.


I feel a little better now that there is a plan in place. I see her again in two weeks.

@~Christina Izzy and O'Malley die at the same time??