Bipolar Check-In #38

Wild Coyote · Oct 09, 2019 at 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

As I mentioned in another post, I cancelled my volunteering for today. Just today, to give myself a little stress break. Plus, I see my psychiatrist in the afternoon. I dislike seeing him after a stressful morning. I'm already excited. Everyone I know well knows that seeing my psychiatrist is among my very favorite things to do. My husband has totally known this since I even met my psychiatrist over 13 years ago. Yes, I definitely have a major transference going on. My psychiatrist totally knows this, too. I don't care! I even joke about it -- even with my psychiatrist. It doesn't affect my treatment negatively. I guess if it did, I would need to switch.

So today is another dreary day, but felt pretty good yesterday with no indigestion or heartburn at all. So far so good on that front, too. I am still sleeping a lot, having trouble getting up, but after breakfast I have decent energy. I am going to ask my psychiatrist to lower my Seroquel XR by 50 mg. A small reduction.

Yesterday my husband suddenly developed a major toothache. Our dentist was able to fit him in within hours. His tooth has to go. The dentist referred him to an oral surgeon for the extraction and tooth replacement. The bill will be about $5,000!!!!!!!!! Hubby and I talked about maybe just him having the extraction. It is a tooth that may not be that visible missing. The extraction should only cost a few hundred dollars. I told him that maybe he could wait until we move to France. Apparently such a procedure only costs about $2,500 there. Less than $2,000 in Czech Republic, where my husband is from.

Yesterday I put on music in my living room and must have danced for at least 45 minutes. It felt wonderful! I do realize that I miss that passion.

I have been thinking of you an have been hoping to find the time to write to you. After reading this post, I just have to write!

I hope you are as well as possible.
I laughed with JOY as I read of your dancing!!!

Thanks for mentioning passion! Passion is important in my eyes. We can spend months, years, even decades without much, if any, passion. Some of the difficulty might be with illness, with meds, with pain and/or out of habit.

Some of mine has been habit. I have more recently become aware of the importance of passion in my life when I'd had experienced just a spark of it. I hope to cultivate much more. That spark was wonderful and I felt full of life, full of gratitude, on top of the world.

Thanks again for sharing and for mentioning a word we do not see often in a mood -related forum: PASSION!

Miss Laura · Oct 09, 2019 at 03:51 PM

What is going on? Lol!.... I really wish I knew!

Fern has made some great observations! I hope you can fully hear what Fern is saying!?.... I hear what Fern is saying I think it's just hard

How about you, Laura? What concerns do you have about forming new friendships?.... I'm not going to be liked, I'm not who they thought I was, I'm just not friend material, I'm a dork

I hate myself at the moment and I can't get through it. I'm sorry guys

Oct 09, 2019 at 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have been thinking of you an have been hoping to find the time to write to you. After reading this post, I just have to write!

I hope you are as well as possible.
I laughed with JOY as I read of your dancing!!!

Thanks for mentioning passion! Passion is important in my eyes. We can spend months, years, even decades without much, if any, passion. Some of the difficulty might be with illness, with meds, with pain and/or out of habit.

Some of mine has been habit. I have more recently become aware of the importance of passion in my life when I'd had experienced just a spark of it. I hope to cultivate much more. That spark was wonderful and I felt full of life, full of gratitude, on top of the world.

Thanks again for sharing and for mentioning a word we do not see often in a mood -related forum: PASSION!

Love that dancing emoji! And your marvelousness, my friend

We do need strong positive feelings and emotions to run through us as often as possible. I try my best to laugh as much as I can. If I can't have a big pleasure, I try to rack up as many mini ones as possible. Today was a lovely day! I hope everyone here has some loveliness to experience. Sometimes we really have to seek it out. Sometimes it's right in front of our eyes, but we have to work to see it. Feel it. Hear it. Touch it. Smell it. Breathe it...

Sunflower123 · Oct 09, 2019 at 04:15 PM

My pdoc of 17-20 years will gladly take me back if I go back to traditional Medicare. I’ve really thought hard about this and just can’t do that. The supplement I chose is just better all around and I’m afraid to mess with insurance matters. I will write him a letter telling him how much I appreciate him and what he means to me and probably get him a gift as well. I’m not as wowed by my NP but since he supervises her all is not lost. I see her again in December.

On a side note: I wear flip flops pretty much year round and feel it is my duty to have presentable feet. I go to an inexpensive training college about ten miles away in heavy traffic. I went today...got home and promptly dropped my purse on my big toe. Cue having to call and explain...go back and so on. It wasn’t allotted for in my plans. Maybe that’s a sign not to create such a tight schedule.

I’m feeling better. I’ve been forced up and out of the house the past several days due to family needs and obligations and I think that has helped. Maybe a couple of bad days was all it was in the end.

Warm wishes to all for a peaceful rest of your week and hugs to those that are struggling.

04:43 PM

I was thinking about a way I sometimes deal with extreme psychological pain/distress. I know it's not everyone's method. I know that I am not always capable of succeeding with it, but...I often can. It's all about getting "it out". Purging one's system of the really bad stuff. Even if my situation may not be completely changed afterwards, my perspective on it can be, to a degree. Or the purging of it brings some temporary relief that is much needed. Here's a great quote by an extremely funny lady, most all of us know:

"Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, 'I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster.' Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling." - Ellen DeGeneres

I think a while ago, I posted the content of one of my past blog posts here. It included a couple stories, that at least I found quite funny. I won't post it again, but I'll post the title. It was called "So extremely bad...that's it's amazing!" I guess I thought that perhaps that title (and the subsequent story) has some relation to the quote that Ellen DeGeneres gave us above. The story and the blog's photo featured a most angry looking chicken. Chicken. Gotta love chicken!

Today at my psychiatrist's office, he used the idiom stating that I should "chew my cud" on something. Jokingly, and with exaggerated expression, I said to him "Now, I KNOW you don't actually think I'm a COW!?!?!"

"What's so wrong about cows?!?!" he said.

Really, there is nothing wrong about cows at all. They're nice enough animals, but the mental picture of me looking like a cow chewing my cud couldn't escape my mind.

The truth is, taking a thought (even a really bad or sad one) and chewing it up...processing it...maybe eventually getting something out of it, or not...and then eventually s***ing it out...is good advice.

Wild Coyote · Oct 09, 2019 at 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

What is going on? Lol!.... I really wish I knew!

Fern has made some great observations! I hope you can fully hear what Fern is saying!?.... I hear what Fern is saying I think it's just hard

How about you, Laura? What concerns do you have about forming new friendships?.... I'm not going to be liked, I'm not who they thought I was, I'm just not friend material, I'm a dork

I hate myself at the moment and I can't get through it. I'm sorry guys

I hope you know I am trying to be playful?
I am glad you have posted!

Miss Laura, I also often fear I won't be liked once someone really gets to know me, too.

I think this is a common concern.

Some people think I am a dork, a geek, and ... worse! While I might wish they understood me better, I cannot let them rent space in my head. I need to be with the people who accept me and want to spend time with me.

You, too!

We are all human and we are meant to have companions/friends in life.

You don't deserve to be all alone, without companionship, without support, etc.

Do you realize that many of us have some concerns/fear that we won't be liked, or that we will disappoint others, or that we will not know how to relate to new friends, etc. ???

Your concerns are very real; yet, they are not unique. Many of us have the same concerns!

Is there a way to begin a friendship that might be safe enough for you to give it a try?

I hope so because I want to take you to lunch!

I would want to if I lived near you!

fern46 · Oct 09, 2019 at 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

What is going on? Lol!.... I really wish I knew!

Fern has made some great observations! I hope you can fully hear what Fern is saying!?.... I hear what Fern is saying I think it's just hard

How about you, Laura? What concerns do you have about forming new friendships?.... I'm not going to be liked, I'm not who they thought I was, I'm just not friend material, I'm a dork

I hate myself at the moment and I can't get through it. I'm sorry guys

I'm a huge dork. It is one of my best qualities

Moose72 · Oct 09, 2019 at 05:09 PM

I feel rundown today. Dont know why. It's 70 degrees out but i had to put the heat on in the car and put on a sweatshirt when I got home.

Oct 09, 2019 at 05:36 PM

One more story, then I promise I'll be done for the day.

Maybe a couple years back, the actor Bradley Cooper was a guest on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Somewhere in the conversation, Cooper brought up the actor Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken is a very popularly imitated guy, and a bit of a unique character. So Bradley was saying that he worked on some movie with Walken. At a point, he looked at Walken and Walken was looking him straight in the eye. Then Walken exclaimed, loudly, "PINEAPPLE! I LOVE PINEAPPLE!!!" And that was it.

Scooter9 · Oct 09, 2019 at 05:49 PM

Well I finish my Mirapex today.

My doctor has to call in a refill of my prescription tomorrow and my pharmacy has to fill it for me not to miss a dose.

I hope it works out.

If things don't work out I'll have to wait until next Tuesday because my pdoc is in only two times a week.

It has been really busy at work and I'm getting stressed. I hardly have time for lunch and have missed my lunchtime walk.

It's not affecting my mood though, so that's good. I'm not feeling any better yet but the way I look at it, things aren't getting worse.

~Christina · Oct 09, 2019 at 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

About 12 hrs...

Fantastic !!!!

~Christina · Oct 09, 2019 at 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

As I mentioned in another post, I cancelled my volunteering for today. Just today, to give myself a little stress break. Plus, I see my psychiatrist in the afternoon. I dislike seeing him after a stressful morning. I'm already excited. Everyone I know well knows that seeing my psychiatrist is among my very favorite things to do. My husband has totally known this since I even met my psychiatrist over 13 years ago. Yes, I definitely have a major transference going on. My psychiatrist totally knows this, too. I don't care! I even joke about it -- even with my psychiatrist. It doesn't affect my treatment negatively. I guess if it did, I would need to switch.

So today is another dreary day, but felt pretty good yesterday with no indigestion or heartburn at all. So far so good on that front, too. I am still sleeping a lot, having trouble getting up, but after breakfast I have decent energy. I am going to ask my psychiatrist to lower my Seroquel XR by 50 mg. A small reduction.

Yesterday my husband suddenly developed a major toothache. Our dentist was able to fit him in within hours. His tooth has to go. The dentist referred him to an oral surgeon for the extraction and tooth replacement. The bill will be about $5,000!!!!!!!!! Hubby and I talked about maybe just him having the extraction. It is a tooth that may not be that visible missing. The extraction should only cost a few hundred dollars. I told him that maybe he could wait until we move to France. Apparently such a procedure only costs about $2,500 there. Less than $2,000 in Czech Republic, where my husband is from.

Yesterday I put on music in my living room and must have danced for at least 45 minutes. It felt wonderful! I do realize that I miss that passion.

I’m glad you held off on volunteer work today.

Hey! As long as you and your Pdoc are able to work well then there isn’t a problem

Oh no dental emergency’s

its freaking robbery what any kind of dental work costs!! I had to get 2 crowns about 3 years ago , front teeth of course ! I had no choice but to take a loan and still paying on it forever.

I hope you and your husband can come up with the best path to take over this tooth.

I hope the decrease in Seroquil helps quickly

~Christina · Oct 09, 2019 at 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Struggling to get up in the morning taking me 2 hours to surface from the sofa yes I'm still sleeping on my sofa. Once up just feel exhausted I ache all over.

I've been out 3 days in a row which I guess is a positive. However the girl I was out with today says I'm not accepting that I'm depressed. She says I'm depressed and that I'm thinking of getting a job but I can't just yet as I can't look after myself. I still sleeping on the sofa. I agree I'm not doing great but maybe I could get a job maybe it would be the making of me?

She knows a lot of things about me and says I'm hiding a lot and that I'm needing help. She says I need to open up and accept people want to help. She was saying nice things to me and tbh I felt I didn't deserve it at all. I mean why do people care.... I'm a nobody

Not feeling like you ” deserve” help is just Depression telling you lies.

Maybe a part time job would help you have a routine , help keep the days from just bleeding into another.

Let this person talk , listen and remind yourself she is only telling you things because she cares.

~Christina · Oct 09, 2019 at 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Day started wrong. Way down and depressed and never picked up. Finally, gave up and went back to bed. Have not done that in forever. I feel better after getting up again, but am of course nervous. I hope today goes all right.

Hopefully your feeling better this evening

Moose72 · Oct 09, 2019 at 08:07 PM

Just picking up n3 from his gf's house. Ive been lazy today but I did get some things out in the world done. Im basically done with the paperwork from hell. I still cant print that form so i got what it replaced from last year and filled it out. I hope that's good enough.

BeyondtheRainbow · Oct 09, 2019 at 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Honestly having those tests would make me worry the same. But in general that is just a typical test that most people having GI problems are just automatically going to need. At least once they are done you will get some answers and whatever treatment needed to get you fully back on your feet and healthy again.

I’m sorry you missing time with your nieces. It’s wonderful that you have committed to continue your bible study group .. hope the vet visit is good news.

Hope you sleep well

Thank you for the support and reassurances. I'll just be glad to have the tests done. From what I've read it sounds like they do this when they don't have an answer for traveler's diarrhea lasting more than a few weeks. I'm at over 3 months so it's time.

I managed to work things out so I can see my nieces tomorrow. Bible study is going to be a different night than originally planned and I moved the vet visit. You know you go too often when they say "Oh, Charlie, she'll know what is wrong with him so we'll give you this little slide-in appointment". Now we just have to get to the vet; he's sounding wheezy tonight. If he had earlier I would have taken him in but it just started. I guess he's getting some albuterol tonight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

BeyondTheRainbow, Thinking of you, hoping things get easier! Love and prayers!

Thank you! I hope things are better soon. I hate sounding like I'm complaining all the time and I feel like I've done nothing but for months now. I'm sorry for that.

Moose72 · Oct 09, 2019 at 08:34 PM

N3 asked me why I live day to day and have no goals! I said "You need a job! And to practice the piano..." I guess my life sucks.

~Christina · Oct 09, 2019 at 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Thank you for the support and reassurances. I'll just be glad to have the tests done. From what I've read it sounds like they do this when they don't have an answer for traveler's diarrhea lasting more than a few weeks. I'm at over 3 months so it's time.

I managed to work things out so I can see my nieces tomorrow. Bible study is going to be a different night than originally planned and I moved the vet visit. You know you go too often when they say "Oh, Charlie, she'll know what is wrong with him so we'll give you this little slide-in appointment". Now we just have to get to the vet; he's sounding wheezy tonight. If he had earlier I would have taken him in but it just started. I guess he's getting some albuterol tonight.

Thank you! I hope things are better soon. I hate sounding like I'm complaining all the time and I feel like I've done nothing but for months now. I'm sorry for that.

I’m glad you’re able to move some things around that lets you spend time with your nieces and Charlie stuff.

I’m certain they will figure the cause of this long drawn out illness.. you need to get back into good health again.

BeyondtheRainbow · Oct 09, 2019 at 09:15 PM

How are you doing today Moose?

~Christina · Oct 09, 2019 at 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

N3 asked me why I live day to day and have no goals! I said "You need a job! And to practice the piano..." I guess my life sucks.

Kids can be such jerks. You do have goals, you maintain a home that HE LIVES IN. You pay bills, you buy groceries... you stay on top of your health, both mentally and physically and it’s hard work to keep things from crashing to the ground.

Tell that lil boy he is who needs to start making plans and goals because he will soon be on his own and need to make his own life work out.

Damn brats these days!

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Bipolar Check-In #38

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BeyondtheRainbow Wise Elder Member Since Apr 2015 Location: US Posts: 9,226 (SuperPoster!) 9 9,383 hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 09:15 PM #339 How are you doing today Moose? __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel
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