Feeling really bad (trigger sui)

Miss Laura · Oct 13, 2019 at 04:44 PM

I'm feeling really bad... for the last 4 days I have felt very suicidal. I don't have a plan as such but I want to make sure my Twin is taken care of ie money and that she will lead a positive life despite me not being around.

I'm really only here cause of her and my Nephew I want to be around for my family. But there is a niggle at the back of my mind I want to not be here.

I have spoken to the samaritans tonight for an hour. They have spoken to me about trying to occupy myself and that talking is always good.

Tbh I haven't felt this bad in about 7-8 years. I feel like I want to start writing letters to everyone. I know that's morbid but I just want to.

I'm going to cancel volunteering tomorrow morning to try and recover?? My friends are all saying I should still go in... what should i do?

Last time i felt like this i actually tried to you know .... myself. So I'm trying to mask it all with jokes etc to try and get through it.

Anyone free?

Victoria'smom · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:01 PM

Keep talking. I'm here.

Moose72 · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:04 PM

I'm here too.

Victoria'smom · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:06 PM

When do you see your dr/t/caseworker? Writing letters is a really bad sign. So is getting your affairs in order. Is hospitalization out of the question for you? You may want to consider calling your team.

Miss Laura · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:14 PM

I'm seeing my Psychiatrist on Tues and my Therapist on Thurs. My Therapist knows already as I emailed her today.

I am not able to get to the hospital as I live quite far away from it (A&E). My friend has suggested I call the crisis team in the morning but I don't know

yellow_fleurs · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:24 PM

This does sound like a crisis from what you are describing. There are some very concerning things you mentioned such as writing letters. I think the crisis team is a good idea or get to the hospital. Maybe a friend could drive you?

Victoria'smom · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:27 PM

Can you wait until morning? are you safe?

Miss Laura · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:30 PM

I'm not able to get anyone it's nearly 11:30pm here. I'll be fine until the morning. I just have to be.

I wish I didn't feel like this though I feel rotten. The amount of tears I've cried I can't have anymore in me.

I've also been self harming some my Sister doesn't know this. No-one knows I self harm apart from my Psychiatrist etc

Miss Laura · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can you wait until morning? are you safe?

Yeah I'll just have to be.... I don't think I'll act on anything

Victoria'smom · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:33 PM

You may want to make your t aware. Do you have any as needed medication?

Sunflower123 · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:35 PM

I’m here as well.

Miss Laura · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

You may want to make your t aware. Do you have any as needed medication?

She knows she emails on a Sunday and I told her I'm seeing her on Thursday. No PRN flying solo. I know I cant take antidepressants so I doubt I'll get anything and will probably need to ride this out like I normally do

Moose72 · Oct 13, 2019 at 06:01 PM

Is there an afterhours crisis line you can call?

Miss Laura · Oct 13, 2019 at 06:03 PM

There is the samaritans which I already called tonight. There is the alternative to 999 which is called NHS24 but I'm worried they will make me go to the hospital. I'm hoping to sleep soon so I should be ok

Victoria'smom · Oct 13, 2019 at 06:05 PM

Try to sleep.

fern46 · Oct 13, 2019 at 06:33 PM

I'm around as well. Please check in with us in the morning. Don't be afraid of the hospital if it comes to that. You'll be safe there.

HALLIEBETH87 · Oct 13, 2019 at 08:23 PM

Please take care of yourself

Victoria'smom · Oct 13, 2019 at 10:33 PM

Hope you're sleeping.

~Christina · Oct 14, 2019 at 12:01 AM

Hope you’re sleeping well right now

Miss Laura · Oct 14, 2019 at 02:59 AM

I slept ok once I eventually fell asleep I went to bed at midnight and was awake until 2:40am. I'm up awaiting on 9am coming to call my volunteering.

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Feeling really bad (trigger sui)

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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:01 PM #2 Keep talking. I'm here. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Moose72 Silver Swan Member Since Jan 2008 Location: USA Posts: 16,468 (SuperPoster!) 16 2,545 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:04 PM #3 I'm here too. __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019)
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Miss Laura Elder Member Since Sep 2008 Location: Scotland, UK Posts: 5,246 15 85 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:14 PM #5 I'm seeing my Psychiatrist on Tues and my Therapist on Thurs. My Therapist knows already as I emailed her today. I am not able to get to the hospital as I live quite far away from it (A&E). My friend has suggested I call the crisis team in the morning but I don't know
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yellow_fleurs Grand Poohbah Member Since Jun 2018 Location: US Posts: 1,512 5 1,265 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:24 PM #6 This does sound like a crisis from what you are describing. There are some very concerning things you mentioned such as writing letters. I think the crisis team is a good idea or get to the hospital. Maybe a friend could drive you?
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:27 PM #7 Can you wait until morning? are you safe? __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Miss Laura Elder Member Since Sep 2008 Location: Scotland, UK Posts: 5,246 15 85 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:30 PM #8 I'm not able to get anyone it's nearly 11:30pm here. I'll be fine until the morning. I just have to be. I wish I didn't feel like this though I feel rotten. The amount of tears I've cried I can't have anymore in me. I've also been self harming some my Sister doesn't know this. No-one knows I self harm apart from my Psychiatrist etc
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:33 PM #10 You may want to make your t aware. Do you have any as needed medication? __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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Sunflower123 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jan 2015 Location: USA Posts: 26,543 (SuperPoster!) 9 95k hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 05:35 PM #11 I’m here as well.
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Moose72 Silver Swan Member Since Jan 2008 Location: USA Posts: 16,468 (SuperPoster!) 16 2,545 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 06:01 PM #13 Is there an afterhours crisis line you can call? __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Caplyta 42 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Ativan .5 mg 2x/day Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019)
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Miss Laura Elder Member Since Sep 2008 Location: Scotland, UK Posts: 5,246 15 85 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 06:03 PM #14 There is the samaritans which I already called tonight. There is the alternative to 999 which is called NHS24 but I'm worried they will make me go to the hospital. I'm hoping to sleep soon so I should be ok
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 06:05 PM #15 Try to sleep. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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fern46 Grand Magnate Member Since Mar 2019 Location: USA Posts: 3,021 5 4,300 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 06:33 PM #16 I'm around as well. Please check in with us in the morning. Don't be afraid of the hospital if it comes to that. You'll be safe there.
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HALLIEBETH87 Legendary Member Since Oct 2004 Location: usa Posts: 11,196 19 2,740 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 08:23 PM #17 Please take care of yourself __________________ Bipolar 1 w/psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety OCD celexa, prazosin, Lybalvi and prn zyprexa and klonopin
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Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,903 (SuperPoster!) 11 5,429 hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 10:33 PM #18 Hope you're sleeping. __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog
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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Oct 14, 2019 at 12:01 AM #19 Hope you’re sleeping well right now __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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Miss Laura Elder Member Since Sep 2008 Location: Scotland, UK Posts: 5,246 15 85 hugs given	Oct 14, 2019 at 02:59 AM #20 I slept ok once I eventually fell asleep I went to bed at midnight and was awake until 2:40am. I'm up awaiting on 9am coming to call my volunteering.
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