Bipolar check in #39

I hope things work out okay

Something really triggered two scary memories of mine last night. Memories from my youth (15 and 20 years old). I have been thinking about them since.

So sorry you're feeling this way BirdDancer.

Maybe just write about it on your computer for yourself first. Then let it sit for a day or two to see how you feel about posting it.

Your suggestion sounds very good, Scooter. Maybe I should even discuss these with my therapist first, too. My current one.

You've been waiting for a carefree fun day for a while. I'm so glad it finally came around for you. You were hesitant to go, but you did the work to be open to having a good time and it happened. So happy for you!

@BirdDancer: Your new avatar is LOVELY! I meant to ask you the first time i saw if if it was YOU. What a terrific memento! Sorry to hear about the transference + possible counter-transference with your former therapist. Sometimes the littlest things can be triggering, as i myself experienced on September 27th, the day of my "acute fear reaction." Think you've done the right thing by moving on to a new therapist. I find it nice to get concern tho, even if it's from someone i have trouble dealing with. They mean well, their heart is in the right place, it's just that i can't connect with them for my own well-being.

Thanks for the reminder about the time-change! I had completely forgotten!

Be well my friend!

@Blue_Bird: Sure sounds like an episode of high mood is brewing. When i have high mood i enjoy the euphoria and energy. It sounds like you're getting a lot done around the house. That's how high-mood starts for me too. The only thing is it usually ends badly. You sound like you have good insight at this point and i'm glad to see you have a doctor's appointment scheduled soon. How odd with bipolar: it's nice to have energy and be bursting with ideas but it can be hard to modulate. I've had "soft landings" before tho so i'm wishing you the same.

Be well my friend!

@Miguel'smom: Over-sleeping may not be ideal but it sure is good for anxiety, which is so very painful. It's hard for us bipolars to deal with uncertainty, especially financial uncertainty. Money is such a big part of health. Since it's not an immediate issue can you just try and enjoy the moment? Worrying is so useless -- i struggle with it myself. I am facing the likely possibility of being an impoverished senior in 12 years. I just do all i can to save now, while i have a good income and the rest is in God's hands. I remind myself that there are free lunch programs and food banks and support organizations that i've all used before when i had tough times. It wasn't any fun, but i did deal with it successfully then, and i can again, tho i'd certainly prefer not to, as i'm sure you would.

Be well my friend! I know you're under a lot of pressure.

@Daonnachd: Glad to hear your mass went well. I love church tho i rarely go as it's so hard for me to get around. The refreshments were a nice touch. My mom was always big on "hospitality" as she called it and i feel the same way. So sorry to hear about your car. Car trouble is such a bother. Never knowing whether to trust the mechanic, being at their mercy. Just have to hope they're honest i guess. I'm not sorry i gave up driving 20 years ago tho the bus can be it's own sort of Hell at times. I always appreciate a car-car ride! I stick my head out the window and let my tongue flap!

Be well my friend!

@VerMOZZica: Good for you for being active and getting things done! So nice that you made a meal for yourself and your folks and cleaning up after is always a triumph in my book!

Be well my friend!

Scooter, I'm happy to read that you are feeling at least a bit better. There is no reason why this improvement shouldn't continue. I know from my experiences I have very slowly but surely gotten out of depressions. Finding a pleasurable activity and enjoying it again is HUGE! I'm glad you are working that.

Thanks for sharing on this topic, whatever2013, and the well wishes. It is indeed complex sometimes. Also, I'm glad to read that you have been able to get out and do more errands (the grocery store) lately. I hope you treated yourself to some nice foods to prepare.

I still have a few clocks to change. Have you changed all of yours?

@Nammu: Glad you got some good sleep but sorry things are going haywire with your mom and rationing the water. Sounds like some clear and firm ground rules might be in order. Showering regularly always improves my mood. Nothing like clean hair! It's too bad your water pressure is lousy. Good water pressure is so nice. My former in-laws lived in the countryside and when i showered one time at their place it took me about 30 minutes to rinse my hair the water pressure was so weak and they were NOT pleased. I'm sure a schedule would help sort things out and things will run more smoothly going forward!

Just a note, you have the most posts of anyone i have come across at 40K. Wow, you're really active here! I think we've been active here at different times tho. I come and go. You as well?

Be well my friend!

Thank you!

I got 4 hours of sleep last night then an hour for a nap which isn't too bad. Even though it was less It's probably better quality sleep then I got the night before

I took one of my prn klonopin last night and made myself sit down and play a game that relaxes me.

I feel good today, cleaned and went to the store. I'm not euphoric and no racing thoughts so that's a good sign. I'll keep an eye on things and let my doctor know how things go when I see her

Hope you're well

@~Christina: Glad to hear you had a good time! You certainly deserve it! Good for you for trying new things, the game and the wine. Congrats on your winnings! Hope the pond-digging goes well. My former in-laws kept a pond with Koi fish. What will you put in your pond?

Be well my friend!

HI ~Christina,

I want to apologize to you for at least a portion of my response to your post. I do understand that many on disablity have a very hard time making ends meet. Resouces might run out, and often do, for those struggling financially, esp when there are a lot of medical expenses.

I'd reread my response and felt like I had, inadvertantly, dismissed your utmost concern. I am sorry and I hope you will accept my apology.

Blue_Bird, I hope you are not getting hypomanic. That's not to say that I don't wish you fun and satisfaction from the projects you've come up with.

Christina, the party sounds great! I'm glad you were able to enjoy such an event as a non-stressful one.

Miguel'smom, I hope your anxiety is easing.

bizi, I know how easy it is to forget afternoon meds. I no longer take any in the afternoon, but I used to. Are your moods making it harder?

Nammu, did you finally get some water running again for the shower?

I'm sorry if I missed anyone.

@Scooter9: Sorry to hear about the fever but glad you are taking good care of yourself and that the vertigo has passed. Good thing you're seeing your doctor soon to investigate it. Always good to follow up on things even if they've passed. I went to the ER for "pain twinges" in my heart when my puppy was in the animal hospital. They ruled out a heart attack and sent me home. I saw my medical doctor later in the week and he assured me it was just anxiety over my puppy and it was good to hear and put my mind at rest.

So glad you're enjoying music again -- such a magical mysterious creation, music. Can't say why a piece of music is so comforting and yet it is all the same. Glad you have an activity that is absorbing and that your thoughts are more future-directed and have improved tho there is a ways to go.

Be well my friend!

@BirdDancer: Yes, i changed all my clocks but i laughed too because by the time i got to the last clock the time had changed already! Ack!

I had a weird dream last night. Something about my family (including me) was trapped in a Christian cult and I was trying to distract the cult leader so we could escape. I ran and ran and finally found my car but it wouldn’t start and the cult leader caught up to me. Then I woke up. Very strange. Not too scary though, even though it seems like it should be.

My nightmares (I had one the other night) have taken on a new but similar theme. Now I see to be stuck with either my husband or my ex boyfriend from high school and they are treating me badly and abusing me and all I can think in the dream is how much I need to get back to RS. But I can never find him. I have to escape the abuser and often I can’t, and then I wake up. When I wake up I have to put my arm around RS to make sure he is still there. This is a similar theme to him leaving me or being trapped in the hospital and being unable to contact him, but a little different. I hope they abate.

Today RS is working so I’m taking my son to my grandmas so I can wash a blanket. My comforter is too big to fit in our dryer but it smells funny and needs to be washed. So I’m gonna bring it there. My grandfather won’t be there: my grandmother finally made the decision to put him In a home, at least for a little while. He’s too weak to navigate the house anymore. It’s a split level house and his room is upstairs, and his legs are too weak to make it up and down the stairs and to the bathroom. He also has dementia. I think it will be end up being a long term thing eventually. My grandmother is 82, she can’t care for him anymore.

I put chili in the crock pot and dishes in the dishwasher so we are good to go!