Bipolar check in #39

I’ve been working hard on healing. Obsessively so. It’s taken over most of my life and much of my waking hours to where I’ve lost days at a time and haven’t noticed things around me. I have ruthlessly searched out and tried new treatments where I could. I’ve moved the goal posts quite a distance and still realize I may be tilting at wind mills.

I lost a good friendship due to my obsession. It hurts...it really does. I got some good advice tonight from a very wise soul: grieve the loss, reflect on it and learn from it and celebrate the good times you shared. I’m doing that now.

Thanks for letting me share that. It helps to get it out.

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that need them.

(((((( Jennifer )))))):

I am sorry for the loss.

I have found I can become so interested in something that I neglect other areas of my life, including important relationships. I tend to think all will be okay if I am busy with an endeavor I see a "positive." However, in some cases, it might be me all wrapped up in something and missing the most important things/people right in front of me.

There have been times in my life when I have wondered if I was so single-minded in a way that helped me to avoid the parts of everyday living I wanted to ignore and/or just wanted to catch a breakfromthe stress I was feeling.

I try to keep thing balanced. Is not always easy.

Again, I am sorry for the loss. I can feel your pain.
Don't be hard on yourself. You do enough of that as it is.

I am here for you, anytime. I think you know this.

If it helps I'll share that before I got sick I was doing a lot of healing work on myself. I essentially 'healed' myself sick and drew out a mental illness in the process. Sometimes we become so hyperfocused on the inner work that we lose sight of the outer world. I made that exact mistake. The darkest parts of my inner world came forward and my mind shattered. It was a terribly ugly and painful process.

It is really hard to balance when you want to experience wellness so badly that you're willing to push yourself hard. I've learned now that a lot of the healing comes in the moment when we focus and connect there. I kept missing that when I was focused more on my inner world. I'm trying now to go within briefly to look for themes of what I need to work on and then live my life. Those same themes then usually manifest in the outer world one way or another allowing me to put the work into practice. The timing is random and sometimes it goes slower than I would like, but the work gets done.

I believe we are here to connect fully in the moment and experience this world and all of the amazing things it has to offer us. I used to feel oppositely as though the important part of life was hidden somehow and I had to discover it. It isn't. The most important things are right in front of our faces in plain sight if we only have eyes to see!

I was way too hyperfocused for a while and lost sight of that. It left my spirit raw and weak. I'd suggest taking a step back and just get back to being a good person in your daily tasks for a while. Hold gratitude for the experiences and you might find like I did they hold all you need to do the work as you go along. You may still need to spend time reflecting and setting intention, but you'll find it more like maintenance and less like the main event.

Your 'mistake' will serve you well in the end. You are wise to realize it and you can learn a lot from it if you so desire. That's actually you doing 'the work'. You just jumped up a level!

Thank you for sharing your story. There are a lot of nuggets of wisdom in there. I think your suggestion is very wise and I will implement it instantly. Thank you for your support.

Happy to help! You're getting a lot of support here for healing and all you had to do was share and open your heart to it. Easy peasy!

You have beautiful energy and you radiate it every time we cross paths. You've got so much going for you. I'm excited to see where you go from here.

Jennifer,

Thanks so much for your message!
You're a gem!

I feel you may be still grieving for all you have lost, including perhaps, your sense of self?
We all go through this. You needn't go through this alone.

You are loved here!

I remain hopeful for your healing.

Much Love to You!

Thank you so very much

You did get some fantastic advice. I can’t think of much more to add other than just be especially kind to yourself while you go through the process

Well of course I did my research. Asthma flares, difficultly breathing and being really SOB with activity is all there in black and white. The numbers are 0.1% - 1 %

I’m just so lucky

I still need to do a full Pulmonary functions test. That’s the 19th.

So now the 14th my rheumatologist and I need to decide what’s next.

I’m so very discouraged right now

I am sorry that you are going thru this. I believe you will get a better med mix. It might just be a while.
Sorry you are suffering.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Thanks Bizi

Thanks Nammu

Still struggling with breathing/asthma. I went to a work training today and no one wanted to partner with me (pairing up to practice defensive tactics). Tomorrow I see my pdoc.

You have been suffering for quite awhile with asthma. I have asthma, too, and know it can be so very trying. ihope you feel better soon.

Why are you getting so defensive?
(practice defensive tactics)

i hope you have a great day!

I'm sorry you are going through this Christina. You are pragmatic and I'm sure you'll find a way through this.

Good morning! We have snow!!!

My aunt, who has been having heart attacks, has been transferred to 2 university hospitals. She is now at one iin a different state. This surgeon is willing to try to save her life. Any surgery is very risky at this point. Her surgery starts approx 11 am and, if all goes well, will last 4-5 hours. I hope nobody minds my asking for any prayer, positive thoughts, supportive energy, anything positive sent her way. If you are so inclined, its much appreciated.

Scooter, thinking of you! I hope all has returned to baseline.

I have a semi-busy day ahead.

I hope everyone has a fruitful day!

Sending positive energy and healing thoughts.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Polibeth, I hope your asthma eases soon. I'm sorry you have to suffer with this.

Christina, you know that I am on the side of getting people better, cheaper, and more comprehensive healthcare. I will keep pushing for that, for people like you. Hugs

Wild Coyote, I'm sorry to read that your aunt is so ill. Sending my best to her and to you and your family!

I'm going to get my hair cut today. It needs it, especially my bangs.

Yesterday, my sister called to tell me that the psychologist that visited my father at the physical rehabilitation center informed her that my father agreed to enter an inpatient alcohol rehab program upon his release from the physical rehab. I told my sis that makes me cautiously optimistic. She agreed. He can be quite fickle, so it's possible that decision will change as the day for the transfer nears. The psychologist said they are still trying to secure a bed at the alcohol rehab. She said that if they cannot get the bed right away that they do NOT want him to return home. They would rather find him space in a temporary assisted living facility. [People, places, and things are a real issue, so going home now is risky.]

I do want to add that Dad looks and sounds better after all these weeks, but it's up to him to stay that way.