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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 06:12 AM
  #1
Also, do you think medication has helped improve those relationships?
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 09:15 AM
  #2
my bipolar has caused me not to have a family.. with that said: even if I didn't have it, I wonder if they'd have stayed by my side.

they were abusive to me growing up, (even trying to)

Possible trigger:


the bipolar diagnoses was just the last straw for them, and they told me that I was dead to them

Possible trigger:


but the reason I say that I wonder if things would be diffrent if I didn't have it, the abuse they caused me was terrible, and they probably would have

Possible trigger:


I guess I could say that bipolar saved my life. I don't live with an abusive family anymore, and I'm alive, so..
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 09:19 AM
  #3
as for the future: one of my biggist concerns is not making it right with my family before they (or me), die

I'm not sure they are ever going to accept I have an illness, but it would be nice for them to have some nice words for me on their death bed (though perhaps I'm dreaming)

still: I find it difficult to imagine a mother lying on her death bed, not having any regrets for the way she treated her daughter.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 09:22 AM
  #4
I think in a lot of ways, yes. The issue runs deeper than that for me, with some childhood abuse and things like that – but I’ve done some crazy things that really have embarrassed me and my family and things that worried my family immensely. Aside from not helping the situation, I’m not close to my family. I lost my wife (to divorce) recently because of my mental illness, or so she claims. I don’t talk with my siblings and my mother is in my life, but we don’t tend to go beyond pleasantries and playing “catch up”.

Medication has stabilized my mood. Being in a clearer and safer state of mind means formation of relationships can happen. So, I have the potential to foster a closer relationship with them—but no medicine in the world can make me feel compelled to do it. I guess that’s an issue in itself.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 09:23 AM
  #5
not long ago it was my grandmother's funeral.

I emailed my family asking if they'd play a song from me to remember her, and they said no,

Possible trigger:


their is no relationship their at all

I do try: but get nothing back

like: it was my mother's birthday in october, and I emailed her happy birthday

Possible trigger:


toxic.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 03:51 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
not long ago it was my grandmother's funeral.

I emailed my family asking if they'd play a song from me to remember her, and they said no,

Possible trigger:


their is no relationship their at all

I do try: but get nothing back

like: it was my mother's birthday in october, and I emailed her happy birthday

Possible trigger:


toxic.
Agreed. My mother always says 'when people show you who they are, be sure to open your eyes and look.' Unfortunately, you have 'seen' who they are over and over. I am grateful they shunned you. It gave you a chance to grow away from their toxicity.

I know the pain of being rejected by your mother. It is incredibly difficult. I'm sorry you have to live with these individuals as your family. Do you have other more supportive people in your life you consider to be like family?
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 04:08 PM
  #7
I have been reflecting upon this recently. My episode and resulting treatment has strengthened my relationship with my older brother and with my mother. I've grown much closer to them recently. My relationship with my husband also feels stronger. My diagnosis has proven that what I knew I had with my baby brother and my Dad was as strong and real as I thought it was. Finally, I learned the friend who is a mentor and has been like a mother to me for years when my own mother was out of the picture is a true family member. She loved me and supported me the entire way.

I was also shown wonderful love and support from my aunt, uncle and several of my cousins. It was nice to be accepted even after I was honest with them about all that happened. My sisters in law were also very solid. I appreciate their support and acceptance as well.

On the other hand, my experience exposed that my relationship with my mother in law is weaker than I thought. She always called me her 'daughter'. Her reaction to my being sick showed me that I am her son's wife and the mother of her grandchildren, but that I was never loved like a daughter. I care for her and I don't hold ill will toward her, but I am happy to know where I stand now. She was very scared and affected by the things I did when I was manic and psychotic. She didn't bother to learn what causes it or how it works. She didn't try to understand I was sick and out of control of my actions. She rejected me after I got out of the hospital and it furthered the pain my husband and my kids were already suffering through. She put her own fear of me in front of the needs of my children and my husband when they needed her most. I can forgive that, but I'll never forget that.

Yes, taking my meds helped. It showed my loved ones I was serious about doing all I could to get better. That offered them comfort when they were feeling afraid and helpless.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 04:23 PM
  #8
No, not at all. My family is so laid back in many ways, that it wouldn't. Plus, so many people in my family have or have been affected by the disorder for so long that it became "normalized" in certain ways. We allow each other to get away with a lot more than some of us might allow outsiders to get away with.

Other than being the picked upon little sister when I was a kid, my siblings and I don't really get angry at each other in any significant way. None of us are really grudge holders. We can yell at each other about things, but the anger usually ends in less than 24 hours. That's sort of how it works with me and my husband, too. That's not to say we don't have tempers. We do, but the anger is usually directed at things or situations and not people. When I've expressed anger about my dad, it's usually only because I love him and I am upset by his hurting himself.

When I was extremely ill, it made my husband ill. It wasn't that I did anything wrong. Or even when my behavior was bad because of my bipolar irritability, he kind of knew what was going on. Often irritability was born from stress, too. Of course not everyone recognized that in my life, but my family did. It is sad when bipolar behavior (in my view sometimes separate from intentional behavior) ruins relationships.

Last edited by Anonymous46341; Nov 15, 2019 at 04:38 PM..
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 05:08 PM
  #9
We're pretty disfuntional. My sisters never talk about it, they are both older than me and there's a stigma attached to mi But things got very bad years ago and I basic left my family. Was homeless and out of state for a few years. They tried to find me and finally did. Down in Texas. During that time mum went to NAMI classes and learned a lot. I'm closer now to my family than ever.

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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 07:10 PM
  #10
Most my family is supportive most the time
But inWILL
Say my sister trying to get guardianship over me ruined
our relationship

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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 07:45 PM
  #11
It was rough when my life imploded but things did settle down because I was on meds that helped me learn ways of coping with Bipolar because , well... meds alone can only do so much.

I have support from family members.

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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 08:05 PM
  #12
My mom and I used to have a very tumultuous relationship. Before I was on medication, we would get into both physical and verbal altercations. Now, we have our arguments, but we are close. She is supportive in many ways, although sometimes insensitive, has little patience, and hard to talk to about certain things. But I've accepted her flaws. Overall, things improved a lot between us. She even helped provide me with a little financial support by giving me some money towards my recent pdoc visit, and I'm thankful for that.

I was never able to talk to my dad about my feelings....nothing changed there. My brother and I are closer. He grew up not understanding some of my behaviors, but over the past two years, he has struggled with mental health problems and has a better understanding. Now, he talks to me about his problems, and we are close, despite some of our differences.

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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 02:16 AM
  #13
My dad and sister don’t understand mental health at all and it has strained our relationship. My mom is more open minded about it but we still aren’t super close.
Somehow, being bipolar has made my relationship with my husband even deeper. We’ve been married for 10 years & he has seen the depth of what I go through with bipolar, and has supported me every step of the way. I feel so incredibly grateful for him

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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 08:22 AM
  #14
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Agreed. My mother always says 'when people show you who they are, be sure to open your eyes and look.' Unfortunately, you have 'seen' who they are over and over. I am grateful they shunned you. It gave you a chance to grow away from their toxicity.

I know the pain of being rejected by your mother. It is incredibly difficult. I'm sorry you have to live with these individuals as your family. Do you have other more supportive people in your life you consider to be like family?


I guess it's hard sometimes. knowing that you're ever really going to have 1 real family, only 1 in your entire life, and they don't want you. I mean if you can't reply on family.. then who can you rely on?

re: others, when people find oud out I have MI, they usually go off the idea of supporting me

I guess that's why I'm on this forum, because I can connect with others. I wish I had more supportive people though who would check in with me privately though.

even though it's nice to talk openly and pubblickly to everyone, it would be nice to have a special friend (or 2)
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 09:11 AM
  #15
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Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
I guess it's hard sometimes. knowing that you're ever really going to have 1 real family, only 1 in your entire life, and they don't want you. I mean if you can't reply on family.. then who can you rely on?

re: others, when people find oud out I have MI, they usually go off the idea of supporting me

I guess that's why I'm on this forum, because I can connect with others. I wish I had more supportive people though who would check in with me privately though.

even though it's nice to talk openly and pubblickly to everyone, it would be nice to have a special friend (or 2)
It must be incredibly hard. No child should be made to feel the way you were. Ever. Children deserve to grow up feeling loved, supported and protected. The people who should have offered that to you abused you. As a parent I am furious you were raised this way.

Special friends can most definitely become family. They can love you unconditionally and support you and protect you. I've only ever had one friend like this, but it is possible. I'll be hopeful you are able to find that. Also, keep in mind certain people can provide aspects of what we need at certain times and then we let things morph naturally. One friend doesn't have to be everything. A group of people can collectively fill your needs.

It sounds like you are open to allowing people into your life under the right conditions. Approaching the subject with an open mind and open heart is a wonderful first step. Maybe while you wait on thr right opportunity spend time imagining what you'd like to create for yourself. Drawing some pictures in your mind will help you to recognize the energy you're looking to connect with when you cross paths with it.

You're an adult now. Making friends can be a little scary. They can hurt you. However, unlike when you were a child you now have the power to walk away. You have the power to stand up for yourself if you need to. You can protect your self like your parents should have. All of this can assist in your healing what they stole from you.
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Heart Nov 16, 2019 at 10:01 AM
  #16
I might have been absent from a function or two , now and then, due to a paralyzing depression. Yet, overall, I am more stable, more balanced, more "sane' than are people in my family. I believe this is because I have sought out something very different from others in my family.

We'd had almost constant trauma and tragedy in our childhoods, Couple this with genetically -based high anxiety, and rampant mood disorders on both the maternal and the paternal sides of our bloodlines. Add in the fact that approximately. 90% of family members are active alcoholics.

I'd left my family, initially, when I was 15 y.o. and was legally emancipated at 16 y.o. I'd had goals for my life, which had included living in a more stable environment, advancing my education, and eventually providing a safe, stable home for my own family. i put myself through college. I'd participated in many years of therapy. I'd sought help with anxiety and depression.. I'd attended Alanon, ACOA and, sometimes, even AA with friends. I'd desperately wanted to understand alcoholism,
Possible trigger:


I had left to pursue my own life. I'd spent almost every free moment searching for answers and for healing.. I'd had many chosen families, most fortunately.

Possible trigger:
.

I had eventually grown older,stronger , more insightful and more determined --on every level of my Being. I'd then returned to my family, to discover most were further advanced in alcoholism. I did whatever I could to spend time with them, to encourage them, to show them other options, to help them with groceries, shelter, health care, etc. Over time, some had stabilized somewhat and were still drinking heavily, yet still able to work. Still others were not so fortunate.
Possible trigger:


My BP has done absolutely nothing to strain family relationships. There can be much more problematic"illnesses," especially if untreated, which can do much more damage, can even be deadly, to the spirit and to the well-being of families..

If anything, my own difficulties had caused me to seek help, which had strengthened me, and had stabilized me enough to be more available to my family.. i did have to take time away from that environment in order to become healthier myself.

In this very complex world, and in dealing with very challenging "illnesses" and seemingly hopeless circumstances, our lives are not always determined by the hand were are dealt, but more often by what we choose to do with it.

Much Love to All!!

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