The Difference a Year Can Make

Today is what I am calling my insaniversary.

A year ago my mind shattered. A year ago my subconscious mind turned itself inside out. A year ago I experienced thoughts that bypassed all of my critical thinking channels and were acted upon instantly. A year ago I experienced visual and auditory hallucinations. A year ago very intense spiritual experiences made me feel as though I was in the middle of an all out battle for my soul. A year ago I scared my family and friends so badly that they could no longer recognize me and feared the wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend they knew even existed anymore. A year ago I was hospitalized and learned what it was like to be held and treated without consent. A year ago I was given drugs that placed me in a zombie like state. A year ago I was diagnosed as Bipolar.

And so my journey began. I was determined to pick up the pieces of my life and battle whatever has caused my break with reality. I wanted to fight to have a place in my family again. I had never been away from my kids and I felt completely lost. I was stuck in a hospital, but I was there for good reason and decided it was time to get to work.

The rest of the story of my year is a long tale of trial and error, ups and downs and a lot of learning. I approached it all with a positive attitude and a humble heart. I found the support I needed in myself and others. I eventually found PC.

Time has healed many of my wounds. Time has given me the opportunity to grow and to change my life choices for the better. Time has given my doctors the opportunity to see that I am more than the psychotic woman they treated a year ago. I am now med free with their blessing and support. My life is more balanced than it has been in many years. I am focused on being holistically healthy and I am still learning as I go.

I don't know where I'll go from here. So many things are still up in the air and only time will tell. I do know though that I could not have done any of this alone. I want to deeply thank each of you for the support, love and wisdom you have offered me. I want to thank your for your acceptance of me even when I was struggling to accept and forgive myself.

Today is a day full of promise for me. Today I will spend time with my family. Today I will thank my friends and family for their love and support. Today I will enjoy life including all of the little things I missed before. Today I will walk with a humble and a grateful heart. Today I will celebrate all of the wonderful people I have met and the things I have learned in the past year. Today I am proud of myself.

A year can truly make all the difference in the world. A day can turn your life upside down. A single moment holds all the promise we need for change. I wish everyone here a year of moments of change and wellness. Love to you all!

We are all blessed to have you here fern. I'm happy that you have been able to heal so quickly.

Hello fern,

How beautiful! *tears up*

I am so happy for you!

I am so grateful you have found PC.

I was just thinking of you, wondering how you were feeling this morning on your "insanniversary." I'd laughed at your creation of the term: " insaniversary."

You've kept me laughing, crying, learning and hoping. You've reminded me of the importance of taking care of myself. You've challenged me to love myself just as much as I love others.

We just never know what's ahead. We can only take life a step at a time in a proactive manner. You are a fantastic example as to how we might work on ourselves and on our lives.

You've shared so much of yourself here while working diligently on you own healing. We have been blessed with your Presence.

I am so grateful that you believe in you, your doctor and your therapist believe in you, your family believes in you, and your friends believe in you. I also believe in you.

While you are working on your own healing, you openly share some of what you've learned. As you work on your own healing, you demonstrate an abundance of Love and concern for everyone here.

I do hope you never again must concern yourself with BP. Yet, I also know, beyond any doubt, that should you experience further bouts of mental illness, you will manage just fine.

While your life has been turned upside down, you've transformed the horrifying experience into a blessing, not only for yourself, but a blessing unto everyone who has crossed your path. You're quite amazing! I am incredibly grateful our paths have crossed. I am deeply blessed by your Presence in my life. I am having difficulty expressing myself, as I am overwhelmed with Gratitude.

As you move forward into year two, I hold much hope that you will continue to grow and continue to heal.

I also hope, that when you are able to return to your passionate career, you'll drop in here to say hello every now and then.

I cannot possible express all that you and your friendship means to me.

With Love, with Gratitude, and with Admiration

Thanks so much BirdDancer! You were one of the very first people to welcome me and offer guidance and support. You were so kind to me at a very confusing and scary time in my life. I feel blessed to have met you. Thank you for all that you do!

I consider myself healing. It is a lifelong adventure. Who knows what the future will bring. There is definitely something amiss with my mental health and there may be future challenges. I very much appreciate the sage advice I've received from people like yourself that will assist in my navigating whatever might come next.

You are a true joy and inspiration on PC! I’m glad you are doing well. It’s nice having you and your positivity and wisdom around.

Wild Coyote

It is a quirky term, but it made me laugh as well and helped to lighten would could have otherwise been a sad reflective experience.

My cup runneth over. I truly cannot thank you enough for all that you have offered me. I consider you a dear friend and I am so grateful to have found you here. I have been able to discuss aspects of my journey with you that nobody else I know can understand. You've offered a perspective that has played a tremendous role in my ability to process and heal. You've also encouraged me to share and assist as I go as you see how important service to others is to me. Words simply cannot do what I would like to say justice.

I'm not sure what the future holds, but I love you guys. I hope to always have time to hang out with some of the most brave and incredible people I know.

The first year after I went insane I hosted a party at work with four types of fruit cake. My friends at work helped me through my first episode so I wanted to pay them back once stable. Also the pun was delicious

Thanks so much Jennifer!

That's too good. Well played

Thanks so much for posting this. Brought tears to my eyes.

Good tears are the best! Thanks for sharing this day with me.

Fern, I chuckled when I read your funny term, too. I think for many, humor like you and SometimesPsychotic mentioned is very helpful in the healing process. I know that not everyone has such an inclination to use that coping tool, but I find it priceless. Like many things, we can sort of get away with joking about our own mental chaos more than the non afflicted can joke about mental illness.

So true, and yes I figured I get a pass since I am poking fun at myself. I certainly hope I have not offended anyone. My intent is to offer an opportunity to laugh.

I’m so proud of and happy for you! I hope your life continues full of joy and healing and that you never again have to experience such a break with reality. All my love to you!

Thank you Cashart! I appreciate the support and well wishes. It has been so nice to connect with another mother who truly understands psychosis and how it feels. Much love to you!

You have spent a year learning about yourself and that’s really hard..... you have made many choices and decisions to get back onto your feet and are likely much more balanced and enjoying life even more now.

I admire you so very much